


Beautiful Scars on Critical Veins

by abaguettewithaface



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Emotional Sex, Emotionally Unstable Yuri, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Growing Up Together, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Inspired by The Last of Us, Inspired by The Walking Dead, Intimacy, M/M, Otabek is 18, Panic Attacks, Possessive Otabek, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Otabek Altin, Protectiveness, Rape Recovery, Separation Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Yuri is 17, sex scene
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-05-23 03:46:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14926518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abaguettewithaface/pseuds/abaguettewithaface
Summary: "We all have jobs. You don't get to be upset." -Beth Greene





	1. Kids In The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had a work on here that was very similar to this one, but I deleted it because I really didn't like where it was going. I rewrote a lot of it and edited pretty much all of it. This is pretty much just a character study of Yuri Plisetsky an how I think he would deal with these situations and circumstances. I'm writing from my own personal experiences and have been using this as a way to vent and cope with my own issues. I hope I don't offend anyone with any of this content; I'm sorry if I do. Please leave comments and tell me your thoughts, suggestions, or questions about this Universe. I hope you enjoy!

The woods were dark at night. Obviously. Yuri couldn't see very far ahead of him as he walked, but he kept going. His footsteps and the sound of the wind in the trees were all he heard. Every once in awhile, he would step on something that was distinctly  _ not foliage _ . There would be a sickening crack and a squelch that would have mortified him a year ago. Not now, though. He was way too used to it now. 

 

Otabek’s silent but ever there presence behind him made him feel marginally safer, but he wasn’t fool enough to think there was any such thing in this world anymore. The days were long and grueling. The nights were longer and scarier. He couldn’t read the watch on his wrist in the darkness but he was guessing it was about 11 pm judging by the moon. He could only see flashes of it through the canopy.

 

Yuri held his machete at the ready as always. A rifle was slung over his back, and a 9mm handgun adorned his right thigh. His clothes were covered in dirt and blood, and his hair was falling out of its stubby ponytail. It had been days since his last wash.

 

Yuri was a mess, but Otabek wasn’t doing much better. His hair was now long enough to curl around the ends. His white shirt was stained with too many things to keep track of. He had the backpack over his leather jacket. Two knives on his belt and a rifle in his hands.

 

“Yura, we should get some rest.” Otabek said, Russian rolling off his tongue easily.

 

“We should keep going.” Yuri insisted. “The sign said we’re almost there.” He didn’t slow his pace.

 

“Yuri, please.” Otabek rasped. He was walking beside Yuri then. “We’re still miles from Ely. We won’t get there tonight even if we keep going.”

 

“We’ll get there sooner.”

 

Otabek huffed a breath and grabbed Yuri’s arm, jerking him to a stop. “We need rest.” he hissed. Yuri tried to pry his arm from his grip, but he had an iron fist. Yuri glared at him, but deflated. “We’ll get going again in the morning.”

 

“Fine.” Yuri huffed. Otabek let go of his arm, and they set about their normal routine. 

 

They found the biggest tree near them and climbed it. Yuri went up first, and Otabek threw the bag up and followed. It was quite uncomfortable, sleeping on a branch. But they didn’t have any other option. They climbed until they were high enough that they wouldn’t be spotted by anyone on the ground, and tied the bag to a branch using a spool of paracord.

 

They sat in silence for a while. Yuri was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, but he didn’t want to fall asleep. “Go to sleep, baby.” Otabek muttered. He was at nearly the same elevation, just beside Yuri a little. Yuri looked at him tiredly before finally letting his eyes close.

 

~~~

 

In the morning, they ate a can of peaches for breakfast and were back on the ground. Neither of them spoke as Yuri stomped in the skull of an ankle biter. That’s what they called them. The undead that had either lost their legs or couldn’t use them. It was laying on its stomach with its arms outstretched as it snarled and reached out. The wet sounds stopped as soon as the head was convex.

 

They had just reached another sign with a map directing them to Ely when Otabek broke the silence. “It’s gonna work out.” he began. “It won’t be like the last ones. It can’t be.”

 

“It can be. And that’s something we have to be prepared for.” Yuri muttered. He wasn’t going to lie. He was running pretty low on his faith in humanity. He was one more disaster away from having another mental breakdown.

 

“We’re gonna make it.” Otabek insisted. Yuri just shook his head and took a deep breath.

 

~~~

 

Yuri stood at the edge of the treeline and frowned at the wreckage. So much for Ely. The place was in ruins. The gate had been driven through by a semi truck, the towers were still on fire. Walkers were sprinkled everywhere inside. It was a lost cause. Yuri couldn’t say he was surprised.

 

He grimaced and looked to Otabek, who was staring out at the view with a look of exhausted resignation on his face. He pulled on Otabek’s sleeve until he started mindlessly following him.

 

That night, they didn’t say a word. Yuri hated this. He hated the way they were both slowly losing their minds. He hated the world for making them like this. For putting that disappointed and hopeless look on Otabek’s face. It didn’t belong there.

 

Just keep moving. 

 

Something will go right eventually. It has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not sure if it's clear, but the reason yuri wanted to get to Ely in such a hurry is because he wanted to get it over with. he didn't really believe it would be a good place, but for otabek's sake he just wanted to see


	2. Friction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: sexual assault, suicidal ideation, graphic depiction of violence, attempted rape, murder, gore, etc.

They were eating canned beans in the front seat of a car when they heard it. There was a cluster of five or six cars on the road around them, already picked clean. Some dead biters laid in some of the cars, the live ones having already been put down by Yuri or Otabek.

 

Yuri was in the passenger’s seat, their backpack on the floor between his feet. It was nearly sundown and they were going to try and get some rest in the car. It would’ve been nice to sleep on something stable and somewhat comfortable. 

 

But no. Motorcycles. A few of them, from the sound of it. And they were getting louder. Yuri and Otabek shared a panicked look. “Play dead.” Yuri hissed.

 

The roaring of their engines grew louder until it was almost deafening. Otabek had a steel grip on his hand and Yuri was sure he could feel his trembling. His heart was beating erratically, adrenaline pumping.

 

Then, one of the motorcycles came into view and stopped. The man was wearing a black leather jacket, as they all were.. His hair was graying but he looked fit for a guy his age. He barked out an order, but Yuri couldn’t make it out. Then, he realized, they were checking the cars. He didn’t dare move his head to see better, but he didn’t have to when the door behind him opened. Yuri tried to swallow his breath.

 

“There ain’t nothin’ in here, boss.” the guy complained.

 

“Keep looking!” the ‘boss’ ordered. The guy behind them exhaled and began rifling around for a minute, until he froze. The backdoor shut just as a tear was slipping down Yuri’s cheek. Some muffled yelling was heard before the front seat doors were being thrown open and they were both being hauled out of the car.

 

Yuri put up a fight, but he wasn’t nearly as strong as the bikers were. He was forced to the ground. A fat man held him down with knees pinning his hips and hands holding his wrists above his head. He craned his neck to see the bikers having a bit of a tougher time with Otabek, but it wasn’t a couple seconds later he was thrown to the ground.

 

“Get off him!” Otabek demanded. He was fighting to get to Yuri, but it was in vain. A man held him back from behind as another threw punch after punch.

 

“Stop it!” Yuri screamed, his muscles aching as he struggled. His arms were bleeding where they were scraping against the asphalt. “Let him go-!” He choked when the fat man closed a hand around his neck.

 

“Shut up.” the fat man muttered. A crazy look was in his eyes and Yuri felt an entirely new sort of fear.

 

After a couple seconds, there was quiet. The man in charge loomed above Yuri and looked down at him with an amused expression. “Go ahead.” 

 

The backpack was being emptied on the ground, the fat man’s hands were all over Yuri’s body and he spasmed uncontrollably when the man forced his thighs apart. Panic overtook his body as the men crowded him and held him down.

 

“No! No stop!” he begged. The man didn’t stop. Hands were holding his shoulders down and pulling his hair and taking off his boots. “Stop! Please!”

 

“Let him go!” Otabek wailed. There was a crunch and Otabek groaned.

 

“Y’all are too loud. Gonna attract roamers.” the man holding him down scolded, shoving Yuri’s head down by his forehead. The fat mat slid between his legs and Yuri was letting out frantic sobs as the man forced himself against him.

 

“Stop struggling.” the man muttered in his ear. He bit down hard on Yuri’s neck, making him cry out in pain. He began unbuttoning Yuri’s jeans and Yuri was trying to kick and flail his legs but he was pinned down. The man was bigger than him, stronger. There wasn’t anything he could do to get away. He scrunched his eyes shut and let out a terrified sob when he felt the man’s hands under his boxers.

 

“Let go of him!” Otabek screamed from somewhere behind him, no doubt fighting as hard as he could. Yuri felt the man’s hands reach around him and he was terrified to realize the man was attempting to undress him. His panic increased tenfold and he felt like he was going to die. 

 

Suddenly, a gunshot rang out. Yuri flinched and his eyes flew open. The man’s hands were still in his pants, but they went limp, and his large body slumped over right on top of Yuri. The man behind him tightened his hold on his arms impossibly stronger as the rest of the bikers drew their weapons. They were looking around frantically to find the source of the shot.

 

From this angle, Yuri could see the top of the man’s head where the bullet hole was. He used his now free legs to kick the man off him. He froze with a gasp as soon as he felt the cold metal of a gun pressed to his temple. 

 

Otabek scrambled towards him, only to be kicked by one of the bikers. Yuri felt frozen in place on the ground. The man still sat on his haunches, holding Yuri’s wrists against the pavement with one hand and holding a gun to his head with the other. Otabek was groaning and still slowly crawling towards him. He was kicked again before he finally stopped crawling. 

 

“Who’s there?” the biker in charge asked. Instead of an answer, another man collapsed. Another headshot. “ _ Who’s there? _ ” the man asked again, gritting his teeth.

 

“You know who I am.” A man appeared from behind a tree and stepped forward. All weapons swung in his direction. He had a prominent Russian accent that Yuri recognized immediately. He couldn’t see very well through his tears, but the man was tall, wiry, and had graying blonde hair. 

 

“Viktor Nikiforov. I  _ thought _ there wasn’t nearly as many bodies in Ely as there should’a been…”

 

_ Ely? This man was from Ely? And these were the people that caused all that destruction... _

 

“Mh. No. Most of my people made it out.” Viktor explained. He made a signal with his hand, and another man collapsed. The leader cursed under his breath.

 

“We can help each other.” he tried.

 

“No. You can help us.” Viktor corrected.

 

“How many of you are there?” the leader asked.

 

“Right here? Not many.” Viktor said, vaguely. Yuri was breathing heavy, his heart beating out of his chest. His hair was covered in sweat and blood sticking to his face. His flannel was half unbuttoned and falling off his shoulder. One of his boots was off and his jeans were unbuttoned and falling down one of his thighs. He looked at Viktor pleadingly, as if he was his only hope. He sort of was.

 

Otabek had blood running down his face and on his hands. He looked livid, like he was just waiting for a chance to get at these guys.

 

“You’re going to let these boys go.” Viktor said. “And I might let some of you live.”

 

“What if I don’t wanna?” the leader asked, and Yuri frantically looked between the two sides. Viktor, standing at the top of the hill with the woods at his back and an unknown number of hidden snipers, versus the bikers, in the middle of the road, guns aimed at Yuri, Otabek, and Viktor, all looking to their leader for direction. 

 

Yuri held his breath and hoped to a God he didn’t believe in that the leader of the bikers was just trying to look cool in front of his men. 

 

“We’ll kill every one of you.” Viktor replied coldly and held his hand out. Yuri knew he was giving a warning, telling them that with one wrong move, they’d all be dead. He closed his eyes tight because even he knew that either way, he didn’t stand a great chance.

 

The leader all but growled. He glared at Viktor, but receded. “Fine. Why don’t ya’ come down here and get ‘em?” Yuri let out a surprised sob, and his eyes flew open. He looked between Viktor and the biker hopefully. The man behind him stood up and released his wrists, but kept the gun pointed at his head.

 

His forearms were bloody from scraping against the pavement and his wrists were bruised from the man’s iron grip. He rubbed at them, the pain barely even registering in his mind.

 

“Sure.” He made a signal again, and another man stepped out from behind a tree. He was tall with black hair in an undercut. He looked no older than 19 years old, and had two sleeves of tattoos covering his arms, revealed by a tattered gray tank top. The guy held a pistol steady, aimed right at the leader’s head as he walked. He looked outraged, like he would undoubtedly murder each and every one of these bikers if given the chance.

 

The bikers parted for him, and he held a hand out to Yuri. “It’s alright. Come on.” the guy whispered. Yuri allowed him to haul him up. He stumbled a little as the man had overestimated his weight, but caught himself, freezing again momentarily when the closest man to him swung his gun right in front of his forehead. 

 

He stuffed his foot back into his boot and fixed his pants before slowly making his way to where Otabek lied on the ground. He was a bloody mess. His face was already starting to bruise and bloody all over, dripping down onto his shirt.

 

It took nearly all of Yuri’s strength to get him to his feet. Otabek was limping and the hand clasped around Yuri’s shoulder sort of hurt but Yuri didn’t complain. Otabek let out grunts of pain every other step until they reached the bottom of the hill. Tattoo guy was walking backwards right behind them with his gun aimed at the leader’s head.

 

Yuri whimpered when Otabek’s hold on him grew impossibly tighter, but they started up the hill anyway. They were practically heaving by the time they were half way up.

 

They’d barely made it up the hill when Otabek’s leg gave out completely. They sunk to their knees and Yuri used all his strength to keep him from rolling down to the road again. “Beka…” Yuri pleaded. 

 

Viktor started to say something, but then there was a lot of gunfire and a flurry of movement. Otabek shoved Yuri to the ground and shielded him with his own body before Yuri even knew what was going on.

 

Shots whizzed over their heads and Yuri’s face was shoved into the ground. He clamped his eyes closed until the gunfire stopped, and it took a few seconds before Otabek moved off him.

 

When Otabek let him up, he took a look back at the road, and no one was left standing. Tattoo guy cursed and held his arm close to his chest. He’d been shot. He was on the ground at the base of the hill, grinding his teeth through the pain.

 

Viktor exhaled and signalled again. Four more people came out of hiding. Two of them had been up trees with silenced snipers. One of them immediately went for Tattoo guy to begin tending to his wound. “Are you two okay?” Viktor asked, crouching down.

 

“I’m okay.” Otabek grunted. “Yura?” Tears were still fresh on his face, but he wiped them quickly. It only served to smear dirt and blood on his cheeks. He nodded jerkily.

 

Viktor nodded and stood before walking away, presumably to check the bodies and make sure his men were okay, but Yuri wasn’t watching. He was shaking and staring at a point in the grass beside Otabek, his brain still processing what had just happened.

 

His hands trembled and he hunched his shoulders, trying to make himself as small as possible. If he was honest, he sort of wanted to curl up and die. A feeling of overwhelming depression washed over him and he startled when Otabek touched his arm.

 

Otabek took his hand back but didn’t move away. Yuri didn’t know if he wanted him to or not. He probably would’ve been uncomfortable with either, really. He didn’t know if he ever wanted to be touched again. He felt used. Dirty. Tainted. Unworthy.

 

Yuri startled again when Otabek began fixing his clothes. He moved his hands gently, like he was afraid Yuri might break if he wasn’t careful. He slowly pulled his flannel back up to his shoulders and buttoned it to his collar. Otabek brought a hand up to the teeth marks the marred Yuri’s neck and Yuri couldn’t bring himself to meet Otabek’s eyes. He was too ashamed.

 

He examined Yuri’s bruised wrists and bloody forearms with a sad frown. Yuri just let his arms go limp, allowing Otabek to move them and twist them around. He went easily when Otabek pulled him into his lap and wrapped both arms around him. “Come here, baby.” Otabek murmured.

 

Yuri didn’t even realize he’d begun crying again until he blinked open his eyes and saw the wet patch on Otabek’s shirt. His hands were fisted in Otabek’s shirt under his leather jacket and he had smeared the blood around on it.

 

Otabek was rocking him, petting his hair and rubbing his back. He cooed sweet nothings in his ear, telling him that it’s okay and it’s over now. But it wasn’t okay.  _ He _ wasn’t okay. He felt disgusting. Not because he hadn’t washed in a week, but because he was tainted by that man’s touch. He was permanently humiliated and he wasn’t sure he could ever come back from this.

 

It felt like they’d sat there for hours, but really it had probably only been a few minutes. Yuri never wanted to move again. He knew Viktor would want to talk to them but he suddenly felt so  _ tired _ . He was exhausted, mentally, emotionally, physically. The only thing holding him up was Otabek’s arms around him.

 

He only buried his face in Otabek’s chest when Viktor approached them again, though he didn’t say anything for a minute. It seemed like he was waiting for permission to interrupt them, but after a moment he probably realized he’d never get it.

 

“Um.” Viktor started, lamely. Yuri couldn’t see him but he sounded uncomfortable as hell. “I won’t ask if you are okay but… do you need medical attention?” Yuri tightened his hold on Otabek’s waist at the idea of having to let go, even if it meant they’d be fixed up.

 

“I think my knee’s hurt.” Otabek reported, wearily. Suddenly, guilt replaced his shame and he realized he was sitting on Otabek’s lap while he was injured. He scrambled off his lap and instead latched onto his arm from the side.

 

Yuri couldn’t see the state of his knee because his pants covered it but as Otabek moved to sit differently, he was careful to keep his knee from bending.

 

“Yuuri!” Viktor called, and Yuri startled, hiding behind Otabek’s arm when he realized Viktor was talking to someone else.

 

An Asian man, shorter than Viktor but taller than Yuri, ran up the hill to them. He’d been the same one who had tended to Tattoo guy. He carried a messenger bag practically overflowing with medical supplies.

 

“Man, it’s a good thing we found that pharmacy last night.” he commented as he crouched down in front of Otabek. He had a thick Japanese accent although he seemed to have no trouble with his English. He sent a soft smile at Yuri, who only frowned and tucked himself further behind Otabek. “I’ll need to roll up your pants.”

 

“That’s fine. Thank you.” Otabek replied, allowing the other Yuuri to do as he needed. 

 

“Looks like you just bruised it.” he reported after inspecting it. Yuri let out a sigh of relief. 

 

“That’s good.” Otabek said weakly, squeezing Yuri’s hand.

 

He spoke as he worked, wrapping the injury tightly with gauze. “My name’s Yuuri Katsuki.” he introduced. “Your name is Yuri also?”

 

“His name is Yuri, I’m Otabek.” Otabek spoke for him, knowing he wasn’t much of a talker when he was upset. He was glad for it. He was too wrapped up in his head to reply with more than a one word answer anyway.

 

“This is Viktor.” Katsuki continued, gesturing to the man. “You have a camp?”

 

“No. It’s just us.”

 

“Oh.” Katsuki frowned. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s alright.” Otabek assured. “We’ve been alone since the start.”

 

“Oh.” Katsuki looked to Viktor, who had just been watching the entire time. 

 

He uncrossed his arms and seemed to consider something for a moment before speaking. “You two can come with us if you like. We’re scouting out a new place to set up shop since the last one… didn’t work out.”

 

“You guys are from Ely right?” Otabek clarified.

 

“Yeah. The rest of our people are holed up somewhere safe… for now anyway. It won’t last long though before they run out of supplies.” Viktor grumbled. “Anyway… You coming?”

 

Otabek glanced at Yuri, who only stared back and tightened his hold on Otabek’s hand. “Yeah. We’re coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow would u look at all that fuckin angst
> 
> sorry not sorry


	3. Renegades

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: implied underage drug use/drinking/smoking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, reckless behavior, passing thoughts of suicide, implied child abuse (this one will apply to almost every chapter from here on out just so you all know)

Yuri quickly decided he  _ liked _ motorcycles. It wasn’t enough to put a smile on his face, but it was subtly pleasant. They were pretty loud, which was somewhat off-putting, but the feeling of the wind on his face made up for it. Maybe he liked it because it was dangerous, and he honestly felt like he wouldn’t mind if this ride killed him.

 

Yuri rode on the back, his arms wrapped around Otabek’s middle. They zoomed right past all the deads that were coming out of the trees, attracted to the sound. Viktor lead them, as Yuri assumed was the norm for this group. Katsuki was never far behind.

 

Otabek had insisted he wore the leather jacket as protection just in case something went wrong, and Yuri begrudgingly put it on over his flannel. He was kinda over-heating in it, but if it made Otabek worry less, he could deal.

 

Yuri hadn’t wanted to ask many questions, a trait instilled in him by his parents. Otabek asked where they were going, and Viktor said they were going to check out some warehouse that they could set up in.

 

They only stopped once along the way to check another cluster of cars. The one that had pulled him and Otabek out of the street earlier - Yuri learned his name was JJ - found a guitar in one of the cars and insisted they keep it.

 

Yuri stood beside Otabek, who was still seated on the motorcycle. He didn’t help check the cars, and no one asked him to. He just wanted to stick next to Otabek and be left alone. To be honest, he just wanted to curl up in a corner and be dead to the world.

 

“You don’t even play guitar, do you?” Katsuki asked, poking his head up from a rusty old pickup truck.

 

“I’m sure it’s not that hard to learn!” JJ retorted with that self-assured smile on his face. Yuri might have found it endearing if the guy’s inherent cheerfulness wasn’t irritating the hell out of him.

 

“You’re gonna attract biters if you try and learn, though.” a woman named Claire warned. She wasn’t old, but she wasn’t young either. Might have been in her early 30s or late 20s.

 

“Well, then that’s the cost of saving music!” JJ said, slamming the car door shut, and Yuri jumped at the sound. The guitar was slung over his back and looked like it was about ready to fall off it’s strap.

 

“How far are we going?” Yuri whispered to Otabek, who repeated the question, loudly. Yuri cringed and shot him an exasperated look. He just shrugged and kissed his cheek in apology.

 

“Not far now. Couple of miles down the road.” Viktor answered, distractedly. Yuri watched the perimeter while everyone else looked through the last couple cars. He didn’t feel like he particularly needed any more supplies. He assumed the group would probably share certain resources once they all got back together. And besides, it looked like everyone forgot that the literal walking dead were lurking in the forest surrounding them.

 

He was tense, as he always was when out in the open like that. He heard the sound of growling and gurgling before he saw the source of it. Tentatively, he stepped off the road and closer to the woods, ignoring Otabek weakly telling him to come back. Long grass tickled his calves and he held up his machete. 

 

There, crawling on the ground, was a live corpse. Its skin was discolored, hair fallen out, clothes all muddy and bloody and torn up. There was congealed blood running down its neck from where it had presumably been bitten. One of its knees was just hanging on by a thread as it clawed its way closer.

 

The blade went right through the top of its skull with a sickening crack. He exhaled when it slumped on the ground and stepped back. He hadn’t gone far into the woods, just a few feet really, but the trees were dense and it was kinda dark under the canopy. He took a deep breath and he knew Otabek had been watching him, worriedly. He lingered a moment longer before trudging back to his boyfriend.

 

Otabek didn’t say anything, but he knew. Yuri knew he knew. He was being reckless on purpose. He might not have alcohol or weed or cigarettes on hand, but there were more ways than just those to distract himself, even if only for a couple seconds.

 

Pretty soon, they were getting everything packed back onto the motorcycles. The guitar wouldn’t sit right on the bike so JJ decided to leave it, which was probably smarter anyway, not that Yuri particularly cared.

 

Yuri didn’t like the way JJ kept looking at him. Like he was keeping tabs on him. He realized they were new to the group and would probably have to be monitored for a while, but he kept catching JJ staring at him with some unreadable expression that Yuri interpreted as mistrust.

 

Then, they were back to riding. He took a big deep breath and tried to monitor his breathing. Sometimes, when he was nervous or just feeling down, he would start to breathe too shallow. When he took a deep breath, people would ask him what was wrong, but he never had an answer. This time, he could think of an answer, not that he’d tell anyone though. They all knew, anyway.

 

He felt the wind stinging his neck and was reminded of the teeth marks that were definitely still there and might scar. He felt his face getting hot and his eyes getting watery but he shoved it down. He remembered the piercing pain that shot through his neck when that man bit down and shook his head as if that would get the residual feeling of disgust off of him.

 

Just focus on the road. He stared at Viktor and Katsuki in front of him. They were riding side by side and holding a conversation just quiet enough that Yuri couldn’t make it out. Then, Katsuki nodded and sped up, leaving the rest of the group behind.

 

“He’s going up ahead to scout!” Viktor shouted back at them.

 

The rest of the ride went by quick. Yuri hadn’t been paying attention to the time, but it felt like only a few minutes passed when they were entering a small town. They slowed their bikes as they rode in. Bodies littered the streets. Store windows were broken, trash was everywhere. There were one or two walkers staggering towards them, but they ignored them in favor of saving ammo.

 

“Be careful, baby.” Otabek warned. He had a calculating look in his eyes. They’d always avoided going into towns. It only ever lead to trouble. Yuri was good at being sneaky. Growing up in a household like his would teach him that, but he couldn’t very well stealth his way through with loud-ass motorcycles.

 

Claire used a silenced gun to take out the few walkers that got too close. It startled Yuri the first time, but he steeled himself. They only went in a couple blocks before they met up with Katsuki in front of a brick building. The windows were mostly broken in, and the door was already open. 

 

As they got off their bikes, Viktor said, “Don’t use your guns. Don’t wanna make too much noise.” Reluctantly, he put his gun back in its holster and held his machete instead. It was covered in dirt and blood, and dull. He needed to sharpen it soon. “JJ, guard the bikes.”

 

He nodded and stepped back. Viktor went first, knife held at the ready. He banged on the wall and waited a few seconds before continuing in. 

 

Yuri stayed with Otabek, who was now sitting on the curb of the street, and JJ. Yuri stood behind him and busied himself with running his hands through Otabek’s hair, feeling the stubble on his face and focusing on that feeling. He remembered countless nights when he would be too worked up or too anxious to go home and he would lay in Otabek’s bed play with his soft hair and rub the pads of his fingers over his cheeks just so he could focus on a feeling he could control.

 

Now his hair was greasy and coarse, unwashed. Yuri didn’t mind though. If anything, his fingers were only making his hair even more gross. Otabek just hummed an enjoyed the feeling of Yuri’s fingers on his scalp and face.

 

JJ killed a walker that stumbled around the corner of the warehouse but Yuri didn’t stop; didn’t even move to protect himself in the slightest. He didn’t care.

 

He could feel JJ’s stare on the back of his neck and he wondered if he hadn’t been ordered to keep an eye on them by Viktor or Katsuki. He frowned, but really he understood. They were new, and new in this world was synonymous with dangerous.

 

It wasn’t long before Viktor returned with the rest of the small group and let them know it was safe inside, at least on the bottom floor.

 

The inside was full of dusty crates and ricketty shelves. All that was left on them was the big stuff, and things that were probably deemed unnecessary when everyone was looting in a frenzie after the Turn, like various car parts and products mechanics would find good use of. 

 

There was a stench coming from somewhere and Viktor immediately set out to find it while Katsuki, Otabek, Yuri, and Claire explored the rest of the first floor. From how it looked on the outside, there were four levels.

 

There were scraps of trash that told Yuri someone had definitely been here at some point. The doorway to the stairs was closed, a plastic chair propped under the handle to prevent it from opening.

 

“This place’ll do.” Viktor announced. “Start clearing out the upper floors.”


	4. Little Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: implied/referenced child abuse, general sadness tbh

They dropped all their shit on the top floor. It had a nice vantage point over the rest of the small town, which made for good lookout spots. Katsuki had already drawn up a map of how he wanted things to be laid out. Traps for hunting, walls and noise makers around the perimeter. Area for potential farming, housing and storage, even a library for the kids in the group.

 

Apparently, the group was a good size. About 40 people in all. Viktor and Claire had left at sunrise to fetch the rest of the group and bring back the 3 motorcycles they'd had to leave in the road.

 

Katsuki assumed leadership with Viktor gone, ordering them to start clearing the rest of the area. Katsuki was holding down the warehouse and keeping watch. He said it would take at least a couple days for the group to arrive.

 

“Yura. With me.” Otabek said. They stepped out into the street. The sky was a clear blue, and there was dew on the grass. A sense of nostalgia washed over him at the sight. It reminded him of those peaceful mornings he'd wake up before his parents and be able to drink coffee in the living room and watch the view out the window without disturbance.

 

He shook his head as they walked. He needed to be here. JJ and Mila had disappeared into the building across the street from the warehouse, and Otabek lead them to the one right beside it. It had been a flower shop. 

 

It was mostly overgrown, but some of the plants inside had dried up and withered away. The windows were cracked but not broken, and the plants on the shelves looked mostly undisturbed. 

 

Yuri figured there hadn't been much to loot in a place like this. The register was open and empty, and the back room was rummaged through with trash littering the carpeted floor.

 

The bathroom was a whole different deal, though. A banging sound was coming from inside. Yuri grabbed the knob and Otabek got ready with his rifle, before nodding. Yuri pulled the door, but it wouldn’t budge.

 

“It’s locked.” he announced after giving it a few extra tugs to make sure. Yuri took a hairpin out of his hair and handed it to Otabek, who kneeled and immediately began picking the lock. It was something Otabek had had to do whenever Yuri’s parents tried to isolate him. Sneaking into the house late at night and even at one point barging in in the middle of dinner because he heard screaming coming from the house.

 

Yuri had gotten into the habit of keeping hairpins in his hair for these instances because of how often they encountered abandoned locks. The door creaked open slightly and Otabek stood back up.

 

The banging sound was louder now, but the source of it hidden still. Otabek went in first. The lightswitch didn’t work, so they turned on their flashlights. It was dirty and dingy, covered in dust. Two piles of cans -one empty and one full- lied in opposite corners. Water bottles sat in a cluster near the pile of full cans. Clothes were hung over the stall doors and a heap of blankets was on the floor in front of the sinks. One of the mirrors was shattered. A spider web of cracks stained with dried blood spiraling out from the center point.

 

Whoever this walker was, she had been prepared to live much longer than she did. Probably got angry and punched the glass. Yuri thought that was understandable. It’s not like anyone would be paying for the damage anyway.

 

Otabek took care of the walker quickly, and they searched the place. Looking closer, there were little accessories laying around, hiding in the blankets. A silver watch, a pendant necklace, an old polaroid picture.

 

The photo was of the woman, before she turned, and a little girl who Yuri assumed was her daughter. They were sitting peacefully on the steps of a porch, smiling at the camera. The photo had lines in a grid pattern on it; it had been folded and unfolded many times.

 

Maybe the person who took the photo was her husband. Maybe the watch had been his. Maybe the necklace was her daughter’s. There was no way to know. 

 

He wondered what it must have been like to have a family like this. A supportive one. One that took pictures like this. His parents had no pictures of him from when he was a child. They didn’t have family outings to the park or have family dinners. His mom hadn’t served him his favorite breakfast on his birthday, or even thought to bring it up at all. His dad had made a point of avoiding him unless it was for the purpose of taking out his anger.

 

The only point of reference he had for a happy family was Otabek’s. Otabek’s parents, Farya and Ivan, had always treated him as if he was their own, but he wasn’t. Otabek’s parents were always kind to him, but he didn’t need  _ them _ to be good parents. He needed  _ his _ parents to be good parents.

 

It was like stealing a bite off of someone else’s plate because you accidentally ordered something you didn’t like. Too late to change your order. Too poor to order something else.

 

His face was hot suddenly, and he felt tears coming on, but he shoved them down. This wasn’t the first time he’d been nearly brought to tears by thoughts of his parents. No, far from the first time. And far from the last time. He knew it. The numb feeling in his chest was enough to make him bite the inside of his cheek, just to feel  _ something _ .

 

Yuri stared at the picture for a couple minutes, just taking it in. It had been so long since the Turn. He could remember life  _ before _ pretty well, but he knew he would forget eventually. The memory would fade to make room for new ones. 

 

He folded up the photo and stuffed it in his pocket. He didn’t catch the sad, almost pitying look Otabek gave him.


	5. Church

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: near death experience (kind of), irrational guilt and shame (this one will also be pretty common)

Viktor and the rest of the group showed up three days after their departure. They’d come with a big  U-HAUL truck, filled to the brim with supplies, and a rusty old pickup truck was full of children and teenagers. They were all looking around, wide eyed, checking out the new digs. The teenagers in the pickup truck were all armed. Some of them were Yuri’s age or younger. The older ones walked beside the two vehicles. Viktor and Claire lead them into town on motorcycles, and three more bikers brought up the rear.

 

It looked like a damn parade, only no one was smiling. They all looked tired, exhausted really. Yuri stood beside Katsuki and JJ in front of the warehouse. They were greeting and reuniting with their friends. Most of the surrounding buildings had been cleared out, so they broke their formation. Teenagers swung their bodies over the top of the side of the truck, landing hard on their feet, while the children waited for the okay from Viktor to get out.

 

The top floor of the warehouse had been deemed the living quarters. It was one big room, separated into aisles by shelves. The shelves were emptied and moved to line the room instead of separate it, some turned into bunks if they were big enough. 

 

Most people passed Yuri and Otabek by with a quick once over or tentative smile as they brought things inside. Occasionally, he’d receive a glare or a tight frown. Those were enough to keep him from getting too comfortable.

 

Would he be able to stay? Viktor had said he could tag along but… What if the rest of the group vetoed him? He glanced at Otabek, only to see that same old calculating look he always wore nowadays. He was only a few months older than Yuri, but the frown on his face made him look years older.

 

And what if this group turned out to be just as bad as the previous ones they’d had the unfortunate  _ privilege _ of seeing? Was this group actually just a dictatorship? Was it on its way to becoming one? Were the people in charge good leaders? He really hoped so. He didn’t know what he would do if this group turned out to be just like the rest.

 

“Ignore them.” Mila said, breaking him out of his thoughts. She hadn’t said a single thing since Yuri had joined the group, at least not that Yuri noticed. She was a tall girl, no older than 20. She had natural red hair cut in a wavy bob. She stood casually, as if she wasn’t always in constant danger. She didn’t even have her weapons drawn. Her hands were on her hips and she looked completely at ease.

 

She gestured to the stream of people coming in and out of the building. “They’re just weary of new people. Can’t say I blame them for that, but I know you guys. You’re alright.”

 

“Uh.” Yuri smiled nervously. “Thanks, I guess.”

 

Mila scoffed and gently slapped his arm. “Yeah, that was a compliment.” Then she walked off to help carry things inside. Yuri decided to watch the perimeter, so he ventured out into the street some more. He felt Otabek’s stare on his back.

 

~~~

 

After a while, his feet were starting to hurt. He’d been walking in a loose semicircle around the warehouse for a couple hours now, and the sun was going down. He had been alerted to a walker by the sound of tin cans clanking against each other southeast of the warehouse. He silently praised Katsuki for his smart thinking with the traps.

 

He cautiously moved towards it. It was trapped in an alley by the makeshift fence they’d set up. He swapped his 9mm for his machete and got closer. As soon as it saw him, it snarled and lunged at him. The air was forced from his lungs as it grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him towards its decaying mouth. The wire of the fence was digging into its shoulder as it gurgled and chomped its teeth hungrily at him. He struggled, but the hand around his arm was relentless. His heart was beating out of control and his hands were trembling.

 

Bringing up his right hand, he chopped the arm at its elbow over and over. He cursed his dull machete as tears blurred his vision. Eventually, the arm came off. The hand was still hanging on his arm as he stumbled and fell on the sidewalk. He scrambled to throw it off. He caught his breath and wiped his eyes as he stared at the severed limb. It was unmoving on the pavement a few feet away.

 

He slowly got to his feet. Hesitantly, he approached it again. Its one arm was reaching out for him with a bloody, rotting hand.

He took a deep breath and drove the machete into its skull. The sound of it made him cringe, just like the sound of Styrofoam always did. It slumped over on the fence. There was congealed blood on his blade and he wiped it on the dead walker’s ratty shirt before sheathing it and turning around. 

 

His hands were scraped up and stung now that he was calming down a little. His sleeve was bloody where the walker had grabbed him and he hadn’t even noticed his hair falling out of its stubby ponytail. He fixed it and got back to his self-imposed patrol.

  
  


~~~

 

Not long after that, Otabek found him and lead him back to the warehouse, reluctantly. He had insisted he was well enough to keep going, and nobody was watching the perimeter but him! They were leaving the place completely unguarded and open to attack! 

 

“I’ll tell Viktor he should get a patrol set up, but you look dead on your feet, Yura…” Otabek had reasoned. He glared half-heartedly at his boyfriend, but he knew Otabek was only looking out for him.

 

The first floor was clean, the young ones in the group had all settled on the top floor. There were bed mats laid out on the floor and on the makeshift bunks.  The bed mats were an electric blue color, which reminded Yuri of the mats they would pass out to kids during nap time in preschool. Blankets had been passed out, small bundles of clothes used as pillows. Kids held their precious stuffed toys close, some read books, some were talking to each other or their parents.

 

Otabek lead them to a corner of the room where a group of 3 teenagers had laid their own sleeping mats down. They sat down on the mat Otabek lead them to.

 

The conversation died out when they sat down. The teens looked at them with varying degrees of acceptance.

 

“Hey.” one of them spoke. “You’re the new guys, right?” He was a skinny guy with short brown hair and veiny arms. He looked maybe 15 or 16 years old.

 

“Yeah.” Otabek spoke.

 

“My name’s David.” he held his hand out and Otabek shook it.

 

“I’m Otabek. This is Yuri.” Yuri waved awkwardly and hunched his shoulders at the attention.

 

“How old are you guys?” a girl asked. She had long blonde hair and freckles. She looked like you could break her with a tight hug.

 

Otabek sighed. “I’m 18. Yuri’s 17.”

 

“Huh...” she murmured. “You look older than that.” 

 

“How did Viktor find you guys?” The other boy asked. His tone was hard and critical. Yuri wanted to make himself smaller. Otabek’s arm wrapped around his back, comfortingly.

 

“Be nice, Ryan…” the girl chastised, quietly.

 

“We were attacked by those bikers.” Otabek explained. “Viktor saved us.” Yuri was thankful that was all he felt the need to say.

 

“I figured those bruises might’ve had something to do with it.” David laughed. Otabek scowled and Yuri just felt guilty. Yuri hunched his shoulders to cover his neck and pulled the sleeves of his flannel down to cover his wrists, averting his eyes in shame. He knew there was no way anyone knew what had happened, but he felt like everyone knew. He felt like they could see it right on his face.

 

“You guys are alright, though?” the girl asked. She turned to Yuri, clearly not understanding his discomfort. “Your feet must hurt! You were out watching our backs the whole time while we got settled. I’ll go grab you your own mat.” She made to get up.

 

“Uh! No that’s okay!” Yuri protested weakly, looking to Otabek for support.

 

“We sleep _ together _ .” Otabek said. The girl was shocked, but smiled politely as she sat down again.

 

“Alright… If you’re sure. My name’s Anya, by the way.” Otabek and Yuri were fairly quiet as conversation picked up. Names that didn’t mean anything to Yuri were said, and he didn’t want to interrupt them to ask. He figured he would find out soon enough who everyone was. 

 

From their conversation, Yuri gathered that these were the teenagers who had been orphaned by the Turn. It was rather fitting he was sitting with them, he thought bitterly. All the other kids were sitting with their parents, and the adults hardly paid any of the orphaned teens any mind.

 

Dinner was made. Everyone ate cans of various foods. It seemed like they were pulling food out of nowhere to be able to feed this many people. 

 

After dinner, the lights were dimmed. A couple candles were lit and a few people stayed awake on watch duty, but everyone else settled into their nests. Ryan and Anya kissed each other goodnight, but retired to separate bed mats. Yuri thought it was strange to pass up the opportunity to sleep next to someone you love. Lord knows that opportunity might get away from them. Maybe it was to keep some level of normality. They’d never be allowed to sleep together if this was just a normal sleep over or something. Still. What a waste of time...

 

Whispering could be heard. Quiet conversation between the adults, some fussing from the younger kids. Yuri even thought he heard a stifled sob, but he couldn’t figure out its source.

 

Yuri crawled into Otabek’s arms. The mat was barely big enough for both of them, but that was okay. Yuri was basically on top of Otabek anyway. Otabek kissed him goodnight and carded his fingers through Yuri’s hair. 

 

His thoughts once again returned to those bikers. He couldn’t seem to get it out of his head. Every time he thought about it, he felt like there were bugs under his skin, and sometimes even Otabek’s gentle touch made him cringe and shy away. He felt the tears welling up in his eyes but this time he let them fall, drowning them in Otabek’s shirt. His breathing was uneven and he was shaking. He knew the others probably knew he was crying, but he couldn’t stop himself now. The flood gates were open.

 

Otabek held him while he cried, scratching his scalp softly and rubbing his back, whispering sweet nothings until he cried himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yuri is trying to deal with it and that's all that matters :(


	6. Face Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's pretty tame, there's a bit of paranoia??? i dont really know what constitutes a trigger so ?????????
> 
> also, i know yuri might seem a bit out of character, but honestly i dont think he would be his loudmouth hot head self if he went through the things he did in this universe (which you will find out soon ;} )

**Two weeks after the Turn - Early Summer**

 

The sun was high in the sky and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. Long grass brushed against his calves as they walked down the side of the interstate, far enough away from the road that the deads didn’t notice them. Cars were piled up everywhere, some on the road and some in the grass. They were all faced towards Des Moines, even the ones in the other lane.

 

Des Moines had been a complete bust. The place was overrun. The media had advertised the city as a safezone, a sanctuary to seek refuge while the CDC sorted out this mess. The buildings were all crumbling, the streets packed tight with deads. There were tanks and other military vehicles abandoned down every road. They’d traveled about a half a block into the city before turning tail and getting out of that shitfest as fast as they could.

 

_ So much for that idea… _

 

Otabek lead them, his rifle in his hands and ready as always. Yuri had only his 9mm in his hand, held tightly with paranoia. He had yet to fire it on a human, and foolishly hoped he wouldn’t ever have to. Yuri had a small backpack on that held gauze, a precious bottle of ibuprofen, water bottles, and all the lighter supplies they carried with them. Otabek’s backpack was full of the heavier stuff, guns, ammo, and cans of food.

 

Yuri was breathing heavy. Otabek walked faster than he did due to his longer legs. Wind blew his bangs into his face and he huffed, irritated. There was dirt covering every inch of him and a permanent frown on his face. He compulsively looked over his shoulder and back at the road, paranoia getting to him.

 

Suddenly, Otabek halted and held an arm out to stop Yuri from going ahead of him. He looked at his boyfriend, then followed his gaze to a gas station in the distance. It was far away, maybe a couple miles, but the faint sound of gunshots made Yuri’s blood run cold.

 

“Stay low, baby.” he ordered. Otabek dropped to his knees, pulling Yuri down with him and hiding in the tall grass. Then, they continued on, moving at a snail’s pace. The gunshots got louder, and Yuri noticed the deads were drawn to the noise. They trudged towards it, tripping over their own rotting limbs and snarling.

 

“B-Beka…” Yuri breathed. “Why are we… following them?” 

 

“There’s people up there.” he whispered back. “Safety in numbers?”

 

A knot was churning in his chest as they got closer. The deads on the interstate walked slower than them, but Yuri checked over his shoulder every other minute. The gunshots had tapered out, but the horde was still coming. Now he could hear shouting.

 

Cars were parked in a labyrinth around the gas station. Yuri could see people running around, carrying things or children in their arms. They all scrambled to get into the gas station. “Shit.” Otabek cursed as he saw the people barricading the door.

 

“We need to get out of here.” Yuri voiced, but he waited for Otabek to start pulling him away. They ran as quietly as they could through the grass, past the gas station where it was being surrounded on all sides now. 

 

Tears spilled past his eyes as he thought of the deep shit the people in that gas station were in. There wasn’t much he could think of that they could do to get out without losing lives. He hated himself for leaving them to die, but there wasn’t anything he could do. There were children in there! Kids, younger than he was. 

 

The last time he turned to check, the horde of deads had surrounded the place and were beating on the glass. He couldn’t imagine the glass would hold out for very long. Maybe they could get up to the roof? As far as Yuri knew, deads couldn’t climb… But they’d be stuck up there… Trapped from inside and out… He shook his head as they ran and willed the tears to stop.

 

They didn’t, but he trusted Otabek to guide him through his watery vision.


	7. for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: implied/referenced child abuse, underage smoking, implied/referenced underage drug use/drinking

**Eleven months after the Turn**

 

At breakfast, Viktor had assigned a patrol and sent a curt nod to Otabek, telling Yuri he really had brought it up. A small group was sent out to gather supplies to start fortifying the place, and Yuri quickly volunteered, hoping to start pulling his weight as soon as possible.That, and he desperately needed a distraction from the storm of thoughts threatening to take over his mind. And of course, where he went, Otabek followed.

 

There had been a few hushed whispers going on about how young they were. How Viktor shouldn’t be sending these kids out on a run. Yuri pointedly ignored those people. He needed to start pulling his weight. Besides, he was stealthy when he wanted to be. Light on his toes from a decade’s worth of forced ballet lessons, and sneaky from neurotic parents.

 

Viktor had overruled their arguments though, telling them that “not all teenagers have been as sheltered as yours.”

 

~~~

 

“Plisetsky, Otabek.” Viktor greeted them as they were gathering supplies in Otabek’s backpack. They stood on the third floor in what had been dubbed the armory.

 

“Hey.” Otabek replied, straightening immediately.

 

“I haven’t had a chance to talk to you two yet.” Viktor smiled. He adjusted the rifle slung over his back as he leaned on the shelf next to him. “You settling in alright?”

 

“We’re doing good.” Otabek answered. Yuri unconsciously shifted closer to him until their shoulders bumped.

 

“Good! That’s good.” Viktor inhaled. “Look, it’s been pretty hectic, but normally we don’t just welcome new folks into the group like this.”

 

“Oh…” Otabek scowled and Yuri frowned, sort of curling in on himself. They were probably going to be kicked out or something... 

 

“Relax, kid. We’re not gonna exile you or nothin’. Just… Certain people in the group get antsy when we pick up folks we don’t know anything about…” Viktor continued. “When we get back from the supply run, we’re just gonna have to do a bit of an interview, is all.”

 

“Oh.” Otabek nodded. “Alright.”

 

“Great!” Viktor smiled. “I see you got a mat set up and everything last night. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask myself or my Yuuri. We’d both be glad to help with anything. Get ready and meet outside the warehouse in 20, alright?”

 

“Yeah, thank you.” Otabek dismissed. 

 

Yuri practically deflated as Viktor walked away. He tied his hair back as Otabek looked through the ammo to find the correct set for their weapons.

 

Interviews. Yuri always hated interviews. Whether it was a simple job interview at the local Taco Bell or interrogations from his parents for a deed he hadn't committed, interviews were always nerve-wracking.

 

Interviews were for making judgements and if Viktor didn't like them, they'd probably be kicked out. He didn’t want to think about what they’d do if they were kicked out. Would Otabek come with him? Should he? Yuri should want Otabek to stay here, where it’s safe… But the more he thought about it, the more he felt guilty. He hoped if he was kicked out, Otabek would go too, but he was pretty sure that made him a bad person. He frowned as they continued loading up their gear.

 

Most of the small group was already there when they went out. JJ, Mila, and a guy named Phichit were all sitting on the curb of the street. Mila was smoking, and the second Yuri saw the cigarette, he wanted one.

 

He sat down beside her, and Otabek sat beside him. “Can I get one off ya?” he asked, quietly.

 

“ _ You _ smoke?” Mila asked, raising an eyebrow and looking him over.

 

“Yeah.” he mumbled, still looking at her expectantly. He felt Otabek’s arm around his waist tighten slightly and only felt marginally bad about asking for one. He knew Otabek hadn’t liked that he smoked, but it helped calm him down.

 

She snorted and handed him one, along with the lighter. He knew she was probably expecting him to fumble with it, but he held it between his lips and lit it easily, holding the lighter back to Mila before taking a deep drag.

 

She took the lighter back and put it in the pocket of her bomber jacket. Yuri didn’t say much else after that, just taking a minute to enjoy the cigarette in relative peace. It had been so long since his last one. It felt almost nostalgic.

 

Sitting in one of his stoner friend’s basement, sprawled out on Otabek’s lap, a joint between his lips and smoke hanging all around him in the air. His friends would give him shit about only hanging with them to get high, but they were right. Otabek had never liked them, didn’t trust them not to take advantage of Yuri while he was out of his mind. But for Yuri’s sake, he stayed. Sometimes Otabek would take a hit or two, but he never liked to get too fucked up. Especially when he knew Yuri planned on getting shitfaced.

 

Maybe it was stupid to say those were the good times in Yuri’s life, but they were. Those were the times when he could escape, get away and just feel good.

 

He must’ve been lost in thought for a while, because he was snapped out of it by Viktor’s call for everyone to get going. So they stood, Yuri stomped out the cigarette, and they were on their way.


	8. Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: implied/referenced child abuse (do i rlly need to keep saying that? probably not but im gonna do it anyway), irrational feelings of guilt and shame, a bad attempt at fluff (blink and you'll miss it), PTSD?, gunfight, major character injury

The rest of the town hadn’t proved very fruitful. They all split up a couple blocks from the warehouse. Mila and JJ stuck together as they explored westward, reinforcing their apparent closeness in Yuri’s mind. Viktor, Katsuki, and Phichit made their way east, and Yuri and Otabek went north.

 

Yuri slinked down the side of the road, a couple steps ahead of Otabek, holding his 9mm in both hands with the silencer Viktor gave him on. The sky was pretty cloudy, and it wasn’t the hottest day out for an Iowa summer, but his hands were still sweating, warming up the metal of his gun with the heat of his hands.

 

They ducked into a few buildings as they walked, but most places had been looted already. The windows were broken, doors either left ajar or boarded up. Trash and corpses - some old and some new - littered the streets. Banged up, a couple abandoned cars lined the dirt road. Yuri wondered if Otabek could siphon the gas from them.

 

Yuri’s eyes practically lit up when he spotted the Shueyville Public Library. It was a small building, but still bigger than most in this small town. A few dirt-covered cars were in the parking lot. 

 

“Beka!” Yuri awed, grabbing his sleeve and tugging on it. He pointed and began dragging him “Let’s go in!”

 

Otabek was smiling down at him and following him as he lead the way. “Alright, alright!” he smiled. This was the first time since their encounter with the bikers that Yuri had shown even the slightest inkling of excitement, and he knew Otabek was glad for it.

 

Yuri had always liked reading. He wasn’t home very much. Usually he tried to stay out of the house until it was late enough to go directly to bed, but when he was home, he was usually in his bedroom. He had learned an easy way to avoid upsetting his parents, was to just avoid them all together. He found solace in books. It was an easy way to escape his dull reality and let himself be absorbed into a different world.

 

A walker with a pink sweater was ambling around at the entrance, and started snarling and making its way over to them when it spotted them. Yuri took it out with a quick shot to the head with his silenced gun. It collapsed and Yuri stepped over it. The sliding glass doors had been shoved off the track, leaving it open permanently.

 

It looked like this place had once been used as a base. Bookshelves were pushed up against the second set of glass doors. They must have tried to barricade themselves in. Otabek shoved the shelves aside, and it made a loud banging sound as it fell sideways onto the thin carpet.

 

Inside was dark. The lights were all off, so they turned on their flashlights. Yuri gasped as he took in the scene. There were one or two walkers up and moving, but mostly, everyone was dead. Corpses littered the ground, everywhere. Some were in sleeping bags, others laying on the floor or in chairs. Their bodies were thin and frail, even before death. These people hadn’t been attacked by walkers or people. They’d starved to death.

 

Yuri and Otabek took care of the remaining walkers pretty quickly. It looked like all the corpses on the ground had been taken out before they turned, so only a couple were undead. The bodies seemed to be old, so Yuri figured they’d been here since the beginning. They’d probably just been too scared to go outside. Or maybe, the ones that did never returned.

 

Yuri pushed on, and they cleared the library after about 20 minutes. “Look at all this…” Yuri awed, running his fingers over the spines of books lining the shelves. Most were intact, but some of them had been damaged by water or had pages torn out. Probably used to start a fire or something, Yuri guessed.

 

Otabek browsed silently next to Yuri, and waited for him before going off to another section. “I wonder if people will still write books during the apocalypse.” Otabek mused. “Though I doubt Viktor would accept that if someone just sat on their ass all day and wrote stories…”

 

“Someone’s gotta keep a record of stuff, though, right? Someone’s gotta write history.”

 

“True.” was all Otabek replied with. Yuri knew he was even more of a book nerd than himself. Otabek had always had a book in his bag at school. The shelves in his bedroom were lined with different books and he had extensive knowledge of different authors and books. They wasted what felt like only a few minutes, but was probably closer to an hour, sifting through books, until Yuri felt Otabek slide up behind him.

 

A smile crept onto his face when he felt wide, calloused hands under his flannel. Otabek nuzzled against his hair as he pretended to continue reading, though they both knew he was too distracted. Yuri stretched his neck out and Otabek kissed his way up and down it.

 

Flashes of the fat man that had held him down and bit him brought a frown to his face. He remembered the marks he’d seen when he’d looked in the mirror. The bruises on his wrists that still hadn’t faded yet.

 

He took a deep breath that came out shaky and Otabek stopped kissing his neck, and just rested his chin on Yuri’s shoulder. “You alright?” Otabek asked softly, and Yuri knew no matter what answer he gave, Otabek wouldn’t be irritated. He knew the tone he used. It was the one Otabek always used when Yuri got too quiet or got that empty look on his face. Yuri gulped and nodded, slowly turning in Otabek’s arms.

 

“Hey.” Yuri whispered, wrapping his arms around Otabek’s neck.

 

“We’re alone.” Otabek smiled, softly, as if he couldn’t believe it. Yuri hummed and leaned up to kiss his boyfriend’s lips. It was soft, the kind of kiss that’s too intimate to be shared in the company of anyone but each other. It felt like taking a breath of fresh air after being stuck inside all day.

 

When they pulled apart, it felt like hours had passed. Otabek’s head was on Yuri’s hair and Yuri’s ear was to Otabek’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was cheesy, sure, but in a world like this, he couldn’t be blamed. He let his eyes slip closed and just basked in this calm. In the feeling of complete security in Otabek’s arms.

 

But eventually, all good things must come to an end. At first, he hadn’t even noticed it, thinking Otabek’s heart was just speeding up a little because of their proximity, cute! But when Otabek pulled back and Yuri continued to hear the sound after his ear was away from Otabek’s chest, he realized the sound was gunfire.

 

“What is that?” Yuri asked, as if Otabek could tell him the answer. They cautiously went to the windows, peering through the spider webs of cracks in the glass and splotches of unknowable stains. It was useless, they couldn’t see a thing from this far away. But the gunfire wasn’t stopping.

 

They ran as silently as they could down the road until they could see the warehouse. The gunfire got louder and louder. Some people Yuri recognized were outside, trying to fend off another group, all of which were dressed entirely in black. Whether it was black jeans, shirt, leather jacket, hoodie, mask. Anything black. It looked like those bikers had friends. 

 

People were shooting out from the windows of the warehouse. A couple bodies were on the ground, and Yuri realized with horror some of them weren’t just walkers. 

 

He gasped, and felt a wave of selfish fear wash over him. Those were the same people who… They were thieves. Murderers. Rapists.

 

Rapists.

 

Rapists.

 

Rapists.

 

He was frozen where he stood. Otabek was looking between Yuri and the battle in front of the warehouse with indecision, but after a moment, he seemed to make up his mind. He pulled Yuri to the side of the nearest building and Yuri went easily. 

 

“Shit…” Otabek muttered under his breath, and they hid between the wall of the building and a crashed car. Yuri crouched, his knuckles going white around the handle of his gun. Suddenly, he felt the urge to shoot. To take out all his frustrations on that Man’s friends. All his discomfort, all his fear, emptiness, disgust. All of it.

 

His expression hardened, but Otabek was too busy panicking to notice. Before Yuri even knew what he was doing, he was shooting. The men hadn’t expected anyone to come at them from behind and that would be their downfall. Yuri shot with an expert eye, and only vaguely registered Otabek’s shots joining his from the other end of the car.

 

Suddenly, more gunfire opened to their left. He peeked around the car to discover Viktor and Katsuki coming to their aid. The invading group saw the backup as well, and there was frantic shouting as some of them fled, or dropped their weapons, or simply held their hands up. But the rest of the invaders kept shooting. Otabek had positioned himself on the other side of the car, and by now, they’d been noticed.

 

Shots pinged off the car and whizzed by Yuri’s head. Pain exploded in Yuri’s left bicep. He cried out as the force of the impact forced him to fall backwards. Otabek was dragging him back behind the car in an instant. Yuri moaned profanities as the pain worsened. His hand felt sticky as he applied pressure to it. His flannel had blood coating the sleeve.

 

Otabek frantically looked between Yuri and the rest of the fight, before decidedly throwing his rifle over his shoulder and scooping up Yuri like it was nothing. It wasn’t nothing to Yuri, though. He was jostled around painfully as Otabek fled back around the corner of the building and lowered him to the ground.

 

His heart was throbbing in his ears at a deafening volume, so it took Yuri until right then to realize Otabek had been trying to talk to him. He hadn’t registered a single thing, blinded by pain and panic and adrenaline. He focused on Otabek’s words. It seemed like he was just babbling to himself, muttering under his breath assurances that he wanted to seem like were meant for Yuri, but really he was just trying to calm himself down.

 

Then, JJ and Mila were there, speaking frantically, asking what was going on. They came from behind the garage across the road, but Yuri hadn’t noticed them until they were right in front of him. Otabek explained, hurriedly, that they were under attack.

 

“Oh shit!” JJ exclaimed, when he looked down and saw the extent of Yuri’s wound. “Woah! Are you okay?”

 

His eyes were wide as he crouched down and hovered over Yuri, examining his arm frantically. He ignored Yuri’s protests as he began digging through his backpack and tending to the wound.

 

“Shit…” he muttered. “Try not to move it around too much, okay?”

 

“Y-yeah… Thanks.” Yuri grunted.

 

Then, they were back out there. The gunfire had died down a bit as the invaders were forced to hide or run. They had obviously not coordinated this attack as well as they’d hoped. Viktor was shouting for them to surrender, pointing out that they were surrounded. “Lower your weapons and we might let you live!” he yelled from somewhere Yuri couldn’t tell.

 

“You killed our people!” one yelled back.

 

“We’ll kill more if you don’t surrender!” Viktor threatened. There was a couple seconds of silence, and all Yuri could hear was the beating of his heart in his ears. Then, a gunshot, and a man collapsing. And then they were all back to shooting at each other.

 

The fight only lasted a few more minutes before silence reigned. Viktor stepped out from behind a car, followed by Katsuki and Phichit. Viktor’s face was impassive, as if he was forcibly keeping it blank of any emotion. Everyone stood up and surveyed the damage. Dead bodies laid everywhere in the road. Some were walkers, some were invaders, some had been their own people. Otabek immediately started doting on him, checking him over, poking and prodding at him. Yuri just let him. He was in shock. Nothing in that moment felt real.

 

He knew Viktor was giving out orders. He knew Otabek was leading him somewhere, but he didn’t care to find out the details. He stared out into space and thought of nothing and everything at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yuri is probably feeling so overwhelmed right now i almost feel bad. good thing otabek is a literal angel


	9. Angel With A Shotgun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: child abandonment, dissociation, insecurity
> 
> there is actually some fluff in this chapter (wow)

**The Night of the Turn**

 

Yuri sat on the edge of the bed, watching Naked And Afraid on the TV intently. There wasn’t much on so late at night, but he liked the show. He thought it would be fun to do a challenge like that, except he knew he never would because of the scars covering his body. He wasn’t sure he could bare for someone other than Otabek to see them. He was ashamed of them, as he knew he should be. He’d earned them, after all.

 

His hair was a mess, pulled up into a messy bun that was falling out. He only had on a pair of Adidas shorts and one of Otabek’s old, paint-stained tee shirts. He was practically swimming in the fabric, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t want to go home to find a shirt of his own. He knew his parents would be home late that night, and it was currently 11pm, so he wasn’t taking any chances. He didn’t want to be home when they were drunk off their asses and looking for a punching bag.

 

Otabek’s bedroom was a cool shade of gray. Posters and various polaroid photos of nature, his family, or Yuri adorned his walls. The posters were mostly bands and artists he liked, Andy Black, PTV, and even MCR made it onto his walls. The bedsheets were fluffy and soft, much nicer than Yuri’s own. He had a TV mounted in front of it and a laptop sitting on his desk. 

 

He leaned back on the bed as he heard the shower in the hallway turn off. A couple minutes later, Otabek waltzed back into his room with only a pair of joggers on.  Yuri stared obviously at his still damp back and shoulders. He was humming an unknown tune under his breath as he sauntered to his dresser and threw on a tee shirt. Then, he flopped backwards onto the bed, making Yuri bounce at the weight difference.

 

Otabek chuckled and grinned fondly at him as he lost his balance. He glared before crawling over and sitting on Otabek’s stomach. Otabek’s wide hands rested on his bare thighs and he leaned on the bigger teen’s chest. For a moment they just stared at each other, sickeningly sweet looks on both of their faces before Yuri leaned down and kissed him. He giggled, straight up giggled, at the look of complete ease on Otabek’s face. It was a look only ever shown to him, and he treasured it.

 

“What?” Otabek mumbled, smiling despite himself.

 

Yuri shook his head. “Nothing.” he sang, rolling off his boyfriend and flopping down right next to him, bringing his arms up to support his head as he continued watching TV. “You’re just cute.”

 

Otabek scoffed. “ _ I’m cute?  _ You’re adorable, babe.”

 

Yuri turned his face away to hide his smile in the fully blanket, muttering, “No I’m not…” He really wasn’t. He had scars all over him. He was too thin, too short, too  _ ugly. _ He wasn’t cute. He was weak.

 

“You are  _ so _ cute, baby.” Otabek insisted, rolling on his side and wrapping an arm around Yuri’s waist. Yuri made a sort of whine, and refused to look at his boyfriend. “You’re the cutest boy I have ever seen.”

 

“That’s an exaggeration.” Yuri pointed out. Otabek kept trying to get him to look at him, but he only rolled onto his stomach and hid his face in his arms.

 

“It’s not. You’re gorgeous.” Otabek murmured, draping himself over Yuri’s back and rubbing circles in his skin with his thumb. Yuri sighed. Otabek wasn’t going to change his mind. It had been practically drilled into him since birth how much of a mistake he was. A few sweet words behind closed doors wasn’t going to undo all that damage. Yuri knew it. Otabek knew it.

 

They left it at that, and after a couple more minutes of stewing in his stubbornness, Yuri turned over to watch TV again.

 

A car alarm started blaring from somewhere down the street, and Yuri frowned, but ignored it. He didn’t think much of it, just turned the volume up a bit. It stopped a few minutes later.

 

Only a few minutes had passed as they watched in comfortable silence, not feeling the need to fill it with meaningless chatter. Then, the sounds of cars honking and tires screeching. A loud crash and the sound of glass shattering. At that, they both cast weary glances at each other before hurrying to peek out the window. 

 

A car had tried to pull out of its driveway, only to be crashed into by another car, which was now speeding away. The remaining car’s owner didn’t even get out, just continued pulling out and then sped down the road the same direction as the first car. The entire back end of it was banged up, the glass of the rear windshield cracked like a spider web.

 

“The fuck…” Yuri muttered, watching as the car left a trail of metal and glass in its wake. 

 

Yuri could see his own house from this window, as it was just across the street and down a few houses. The lights were on, so his parents were home. But what was wierd was that Yuri’s dad’s car was in the driveway with the trunk open. He could see his mom piling various things into it.

 

“What are they doing?” Yuri gaped.

 

“Are they going somewhere tonight?” Otabek asked, but only then did they notice that there were more houses than just Yuri’s who were packing stuff into cars. All down the street, cars were being packed and driven away frantically.

 

“W-What’s going on?” Yuri fretted. He shoved himself away from the window and raced down the stairs and out the front door of Otabek’s house, only to see his parent’s car zooming away without him. Otabek had followed him, but grabbed his arm forcefully and pulled him back into the living room, closing and locking the door.

 

“Oh God…” Otabek breathed. He put his phone to his ear and Yuri guessed he was calling his parents, who had been out of town that weekend. No one answered, and Otabek continued to mumble under his breath as he practically ran to the basement and returned with three backpacks stuffed to the point of bursting.”Get dressed. We’re leaving!” he ordered.

 

Yuri flinched at his tone of voice, but complied, running back upstairs and throwing on his jeans and hoodie from that day. “What’s going on?” Yuri asked, his voice and hands trembling as he shoved his socks and shoes onto his feet.

 

“I… We prepared, but… It’s the outbreak. My parents prepared stuff for us but…” He kept trailing off, not finishing his sentences which only worried Yuri more. Usually Otabek was the more articulate of the two, so seeing him so out of sorts had warning bells ringing in Yuri’s mind. “We need to leave. Get out of the city. I dunno. But we can’t stay here!”

 

Yuri didn’t want to believe the zombie apocalypse had been upon them. He’d been laughing at CNN and Fox News’ coverage of the parasitic outbreak just a few days ago, saying it was probably just something stupid that the media was just playing up for views. He had dismissed the thought immediately.

 

Otabek, however, had always been one to look into this kind of thing. Conspiracies, possible doomsday events, even random Wikipedia trivia. Yuri had listened to Otabek’s theories about it for hours, laughing and giggling at his ridiculous ideas. To be honest, Yuri still wasn’t sure this was  _ anything _ . It could just be the public freaking out over some prank. Just like that killer clown news story from a couple years ago.

 

He hadn’t seen anything about an evacuation, but it seemed everyone had taken it upon themselves to save their own skin. 

 

Otabek had pulled boots and his leather jacket on, and gave Yuri the lightest backpack. He wore the other two on both sides of his torso, and Yuri would’ve thought it was funny if he wasn’t currently freaking out.

 

Otabek ushered him out the door before he even had a chance to remember to grab his cell phone, and then they were running, Otabek pulling Yuri along with an iron grip on Yuri’s wrist he knew would bruise later, but he was too scared to mention it. Instead, he followed his boyfriend to his own house.

 

The door had been unlocked, the lights still left on. Yuri’s house was about the same level of nice as Otabek’s, bar his own bedroom. The public areas of the house were all spotless, as his mother had always insisted it be. 

 

Otabek seemed to have a clear objective in mind, as he told him to grab what he needed before going down to the basement. Probably to get the guns Yuri’s father kept down there. Yuri doubted they’d still be there, though, seeing as his parents had already left.

 

He made his way up to his own bedroom. He realized only after he had arrived in the doorway, that he didn’t really have much to take. In all honesty, his bedroom was a place to sleep and nothing else. The room was drab, and kinda depressing. He’d made a point to only ever use the room for sleeping, preferring to stay out of the house until it was late enough he could go straight to bed without much interaction with his parents, if he was lucky. He huffed and went back downstairs just as Otabek returned upstairs.

 

He carried only two handguns, a glock 22 and 9mm. He held out a sticky note to Yuri, which he took. It read “Прости. Прощай.” Prosti. Proshchay.  _ I’m sorry. Goodbye. _

 

The handwriting was easily recognizable as his father’s. It was messy, written in pen and in a hurry. He stared at it for a few moments before the message finally sunk in.

 

His mind stopped. He reread the tiny note over and over until Otabek shook his shoulders with a frantic look on his face. He dazedly put the note in his back pocket and allowed Otabek to lead him out of the house.

 

He didn’t know what they were doing. Where Otabek was taking them. It didn’t matter.

 

They’d left. They’d left him behind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to think yuri's parents would at least have the decency to leave a couple guns for them??? maybe im being too generous


	10. Dollhouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: scars, guilt, fainting, implied past self harm

**11 months and 1 week after the Turn**

 

The moment Yuri had stepped foot into the warehouse, everything was spinning. The world seemed to slow down and he stumbled a little. Otabek was there before he even realized he was falling. Slowly, his gaze met his arm, now bleeding like a river. The sight of it made him even more nauseous than he already was.

 

Voices were all around him, surrounding him, but they were distant. Muffled. Then, he was being carried. A feeling of weightlessness washed over him and he could see blurry silhouettes of figures moving all around him, shouting and yelling frantically. He couldn’t make out what they were saying.

 

The last thing he saw before he blacked out was the blurry outline of Otabek’s distressed face.

 

~~~

 

The next two days were a flurry of panic, meticulous patrols, strict rules enforced by the threat of being exiled, and repacking up all of the group’s shit. Otabek was running back and forth between the pantry, the trucks, the armory, doing patrols, babysitting duty, and finding time to be at Yuri’s bedside when possible.

 

It wasn’t possible very often, though, because Viktor had deemed the warehouse too dangerous to stay. Otabek agreed, wholeheartedly. Since Yuri had been shot, there had been two more attacks by this group, the Claimers, who seemed to be wearing thin, yet still refused to call a quits.

 

Yuri had been taken care of by the few doctors the group had to offer, including Phichit and a woman named Danielle, but still hadn’t woken up yet. Viktor had stopped by to see Yuri a couple times, surprisingly. It seemed to Otabek that he had taken a liking to him, which was good, because if they wanted to stay with this group, they needed to make connections.

 

Not only that, but Otabek had a good feeling about these people. They all seemed tough, because you sort of had to be in this world, but also thoughtful and kind. There were obvious families in the group, most consisting of more than just blood relation. It was refreshing. After nearly a year of seeing nothing but the worst side of humanity, he was glad to be somewhere better. He was glad Yuri was with these people. It would probably do him some good.

 

Otabek honestly didn’t know what he would do if Yuri didn’t survive this. That boy had been the only thing standing between Otabek, and losing his sanity. Otabek was a simple guy, who only really needed food, water, shelter, and Yuri to be satisfied with life. He didn’t know if it would even be worth continuing on if he lost Yuri. He didn’t want to find out, either.

 

Otabek passed out the second he reached his bed mat, which was a shame because he hadn’t gotten to check on Yuri at all that day! But he couldn’t… He was bone tired. He felt like his knees might give out if he tried to make it over to what the group had dubbed the med bay.

 

He couldn’t remember his dreams when he woke up, as always, but as soon as he was being shaken awake by JJ, his mind instantly went to Yuri. He felt guilty. Yuri was in unstable condition and he hadn’t made time to check up on him… He could’ve been dead! And where was Otabek? Why, sleeping his ass off on an entirely different floor of the damn building!

 

JJ had offered him food, but he just brushed him off and nearly tripped trying to speed to the med bay. He meant to run, but it was more of an exhausted jog than anything else. But, when he got there, he only found the sight of Yuri laying in exactly the same position he’d been in the last time Otabek saw him.

 

His boots were sitting on the floor beside the cot, jeans filthy and loose around his skinny legs. His shirt had been stripped off and replaced with an oversized gray tee shirt riding up his stomach, revealing the scars covering his body. There were cuts along his belly like lashes where he’d been belted. Otabek knew they marred his chest and back as well. Little, round burns littered his forearms from cigarettes being put out on him. Otabek remembered pulling the damaged boy into his lap and rocking him to sleep after those beatings. He frowned and ran his finger along the biggest one on his side, right below his ribs.

 

Yuri had always detested his scars. He’d told Otabek once that they were ugly, and nobody wanted a boyfriend with an ugly body. Yuri had always thought he was an ugly person, inside and out. But Otabek knew better. He knew Yuri was beautiful. Kind and sweet, but tough as nails at the same time. He was so strong, always carrying everyone else’s burden on his shoulders, always pushing through day after day of abuse. From the scars on his wrists to the freckles on his cheeks, he was beautiful. No one could convince Otabek otherwise.

 

He fixed his shirt, knowing Yuri wouldn’t want anyone to see his scars.

 

Otabek sat on the edge of the cot and took Yuri’s hand in his own. Yuri’s fingers were small and lanky, fingernails cut short. His hand was cold, but his pulse was there. Otabek let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in.

 

He knew that he would be called away in a few minutes, so right then, he just gazed down at his boyfriend with a helpless frown and tried warming up Yuri’s hands a little with his own. It was the least he could do for him. He left him with a soft kiss on his forehead, reluctantly.

 

~~~

 

At first, Yuri hadn’t even realized he was awake. He dreamed of nothing in particular, just saw impossible colors behind his eyelids until he just happened to open them. The ceiling of the room was supposed to be white, but was really more of a cream color, and even yellow in some spots. A bright florescent light stung his eyes so he shielded them with his hand.

 

There was a tug on his hand, and he jolted when he realized it was a needle taped into his wrist. He sat up too quickly and then felt his head spinning for a moment. When his vision stopped swimming, he looked around to see he was in a long room with cots lined along two walls. Most were filled with patients with varying degrees of injuries.

 

A couple patients were armed, sitting up on their cots or checking each other over. Where was the doctor?

 

Then, he finally noticed all the noise coming from the other side of the closed door. Yelling, shouting, gunfire, thumping and bumping.

 

“This is the worst possible time for him to wake up…” a woman muttered from her cot. She had a wound on her forearm and a bandage wrapped around her head. A rifle was held at the ready in her arms, but she threw it over her back and started towards him. He backed up instinctively, but she just scoffed and began tending to him. She examined his wrist for a moment, and he tensed up, averting his eyes in shame. The woman exhaled and continued on checking him.

 

“What’s going on?” he asked in a small voice.

 

“We’ve been gettin’ pretty hammered, kid.” she answered, just a tad softer than before. “The Claimers just won’t give up attacking us… We’re gettin’ ready to leave this place, but we gotta hold out till we can pack everything up…”

 

“C-Claimers?”

 

“The guys that shot you.” she clarified. “You seem alright.” she shrugged, and handed him his precious 9mm that had been laying on the bedside table.

 

“What?” he mumbled.

 

“Hey. I ain’t no doctor, but you seem fine. Anyone comes through that door, you shoot ‘em.” she ordered, and walked away. He gaped at her before standing and making his way to the window, where he could see bodies of the Claimers and his own group alike littering the street. He mentally cursed before checking his gun and sitting back down on his cot.

 

There wasn’t much he could do then, so he decided to just keep quiet and do as the woman had told him to do. Yuri thought he was going crazy with worry about what was happening out there. The shooting didn’t stop for at least a good half hour, and then a rhythmic knock at the door signalled it was over. The woman unlocked the door and Yuri was all but running out in search of Otabek, ignoring the calls of his name behind him. He tucked his gun into the back of his jeans as he ran.

 

He blazed down the stairs to the bottom floor, where Viktor was giving out orders and people determinedly carried them out.

 

The warehouse was definitely worse for wear. Tables had been flipped, shelves knocked over. Bullet holes decorated the walls, and bodies, mostly Claimers, littered the floor. It seemed as though they had retreated before they could make it to the second floor, though, which was good.

 

Viktor turned away from talking to a group of people, but stopped when he spotted Yuri. “You’re awake!” he said, throwing an arm around his small shoulders. “We were worried for you, Yurio.”

 

 _That’s not my name._ “You were?”

 

“Of course!” Viktor insisted. “You were out for quite a long time!”

 

“I… was? How long?” Yuri asked, wrinkling his nose.

 

“A couple days. But it’s alright. I’m sure Otabek will bring you up to speed!” Yuri’s face must have visibly changed at the mention of his boyfriend’s name, because Viktor smirked and pointed to the front door. “He’s outside.”

 

That seemed like enough of a dismissal to Yuri, so he raced outside. The light of day nearly blinded him for a moment, but once he got used to it, he spotted Otabek on patrol on the other side of the street.

 

The shock on Otabek’s face was almost comical. He threw his rifle over his shoulder and stooped down to embrace Yuri tightly. Yuri’s arm screamed in protest as he wrapped his arms around Otabek’s neck, but he ignored it. He had a high pain tolerance.

 

“Yuri! Baby!” Otabek gasped, clutching him close. “You’re okay.” He repeated those two words like a mantra and Yuri took to petting his hair to try to calm him down. After a moment, Otabek pulled back, just enough to see his face. “When did you wake up?”

 

“A half hour ago, but I couldn’t leave.” Yuri admitted, averting his gaze in shame. He could’ve helped, but instead he’d stayed behind those doors like a coward while his boyfriend was fighting… “I’m sorry…”

 

Otabek kissed his lips once, before pulling him in for another tight hug.“Don’t be sorry, baby. I’m just glad you’re okay.” he murmured into Yuri’s -probably disgusting- hair. The sting of guilt didn’t fade, but the reassurance that he’d been missed by the one he loved outweighed it.

 

Yuri basked in the warmth surrounding him. Otabek’s arms around his waist felt so natural, he never wanted to let go. Otabek’s hair was greasy, but that hardly mattered as he cradled his head in his hands, scratching Otabek’s scalp in the way he knew Otabek liked.

 

Otabek hummed appreciatively and buried his face in Yuri’s equally disgusting hair. “I missed you…” Otabek murmured.

 

“I’m sorry.” Yuri frowned. “I should’ve been more careful.”

 

“It’s okay, baby.” he assured him. “Just don’t do that again.” Yuri nodded against Otabek’s neck, but startled when a gun went off somewhere behind him. Otabek clutched him tighter before slowly letting him go.

 

“We’re packing up.” Otabek informed him, grabbing his rifle again. “This area’s not safe.”

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“Viktor said they’ve been keeping an eye on some powerplant up north of here. It’s full of walkers, but if we can clear it… It could be a sanctuary for us.”

 

“A sanctuary?” Yuri gaped. That sounded too good to be true. There was no such thing as a sanctuary in this world, and if there ever is, it won’t last long. It never does…

 

“I mean…” Otabek frowned. “Maybe we could make it into one. If we really work for it. You missed Viktor’s whole speech about it. It was inspiring but I couldn’t do it justice.”

 

Yuri huffed at the image of Otabek trying to recite Viktor’s speech word for word. “Alright. Wherever you go, I’ll go.”


	11. Sweater Weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another pretty tame chapter, underage smoking
> 
> but hey, its a zombie apocalypse and laws dont exist anymore soooOOOOOoooooo

Yuri hadn’t been allowed to help with much, but Viktor allowed him to stand guard. Katsuki had argued with him, but had eventually gave in after Viktor promised to check on him every so often. Yuri didn’t like the babysitting, but at least he could feel somewhat useful while everyone got ready to leave.

 

Yuri was on guard duty with three other guys, including Ryan, who all took one look at him and scoffed. Yuri bristled but set his shoulders, determined. They were all bigger than him, taller, more muscular, but that didn’t mean anything! He wasn’t about to let these guys think he was weak. He wasn’t. He was just as capable as anyone else!

 

So he kept his eyes peeled. He could see the Shueyville Public Library from where he stood, and could see a group of three zombies shambling out of it towards the warehouse. He checked around him to see the other patrols were a good 30 yards away from him. He took his silenced gun out of the back of his pants, and took aim.

 

His shoulders were back, relaxed, posture straight, knees bent. He held the gun with both hands and let his finger hover over the trigger. He could feel prickly stares on the back of his head as he slowly squeezed the trigger. The shot was quiet, but definitely a shot. The other patrols began making their way to him. The walker he aimed at had collapsed, and its buddies were now walking with purpose. He downed another and the last one was still a good block away. The patrols watched him as he took down the last one with practiced ease.

 

He knew he was a good shot, which was why he’d insisted to Viktor that he needed a silencer. He lowered the gun and checked around him quickly before looking to the other patrols. They didn’t say anything, and Yuri wasn’t expecting them to, but he knew without a doubt that he could be just as useful as each of them. Ryan only nodded at him before turning and getting back to his patrol. After they walked away, Yuri allowed himself to frown slightly at the ground before returning his focus to guard duty.

 

By the time the sun was golden and shadows elongated, the trucks were loaded with everything they’d come with, and the scouting group had come back. There hadn’t been too much activity after the three walkers Yuri killed, and luckily, no attacks either. Maybe the Claimers had finally realized they were up against a group that consisted mostly of semi-capable fighters that weren’t gonna go down without one hell of a fight.

 

The group had one last meal together out in front of the warehouse, and Otabek sauntered up to him, still on guard duty, with a can of cold beef stew. The can was open and two spoons stuck out from the top. People ate together sitting on the curb, in the grass, on the lip of the pickup truck, or just standing around. The kids were kept towards the center of the group, never being let out of sight from their guardians. He could see Ryan, Anya, and David eating together in the grass.

 

“Hey.” Yuri smiled, tucking his gun into the back of his jeans. He made sure to tuck in his shirt in the back so he could grab his gun easily if needed, something Viktor had tipped him about.

 

“Hey.” Otabek kissed his cheek and held the can out to him, which he took eagerly. It was cold, but it was still beef stew. They passed the can back and forth until it was empty. “We’re heading out tonight.” Otabek informed him.

 

“Tonight?” Yuri gaped. They were going to travel with a group of 40+ people  _ in the dark? _ They only had two vehicles, meaning most people would have to walk, or would still be exposed in the bed of the pickup truck.

 

“Viktor said they at least want to get out of the warehouse tonight. Maybe hole up somewhere on the other side of town. That way it might take the Claimers a little more time to find us.”

 

“I guess.” Yuri relented, though he wasn’t convinced.. “When are we leaving?”

 

“Once everyone’s done eating. Maybe if we leave before sundown, we’ll find a place before it gets too dark.”

 

Yuri frowned. They’d probably have to clear somewhere first. He wasn’t sure it was such a good idea, but he wasn’t the one in charge.

 

Otabek left him with a kiss to dispose of the can and return the silverware. Yuri assumed they’d probably keep the silverware; there was never a guarantee of finding any. He turned his back to the group and held his gun again, walking in his usual pattern around the warehouse. It wasn’t long before Viktor was calling everyone together.

 

Yuri stayed on the outside of the circle, keeping his eyes on the road behind all of them as Viktor told them they’d follow C avenue to the other side of Shueyville. He’d already sent out the scouts to go clear the mini mart they’d found. He said it should be clear by the time they get there. 

 

He made assignments for positions around the truck. The kids would be in the truck bed, teens on the edges, children in the middle. Adults walked beside the cars. Katsuki and Phichit would drive the kids, Viktor and Christopher drove the U-Haul. Otabek returned to Yuri’s side while everyone piled into the trucks. They eventually claimed the very back of the truck bed, sitting on the roof of the cab. 

 

Yuri hadn’t checked inside the warehouse since he’d woken up, but he could see Otabek had the backpack full of their personal stuff, including Otabek’s family picture, an old pre-Turn polaroid of them laying on Otabek’s bed, and Yuri’s crumpled sticky note from his father. Otabek hadn’t questioned why he kept it, but Yuri knew he wished he wouldn’t. 

 

The trucks were loud, which was off-putting, but Yuri and everyone else used silenced guns or knives to take out any walkers that got too close. It was significantly harder to shoot while on a moving truck, but Yuri made do. He could see out of the corner of his eye, the kids watching him shoot in awe. Otabek had always been more skilled up close, and after about 20 minutes, he slid off the top of the truck to walk beside it, pulling out the machete Yuri had written off as lost.

 

“Be careful down there.” Yuri muttered. Otabek gave him a thumbs up before turning his attention to his surroundings. Pretty soon, David took Otabek’s spot.

 

“Hey.” he greeted. “You’re a pretty good shot, dude.”

 

“T-Thanks…” Yuri blushed. He really wasn’t used to compliments and it took him off guard. “It’s nothin’.”

 

“Maybe you could teach me how to shoot sometime?” David asked. “You don’t have to but… It might be a useful thing to know… I mean, I just- It’s just a thought-”

 

“Dude, sure.” Yuri stopped him. “I’ll teach you.” David’s shoulders sagged in relief and it was almost comical. “Personally, I think everyone should know how to use a gun. Especially in this world.”

 

“Yeah…” David agreed. “My mom would’ve hated for me to learn, but I’m sick of sitting on my hands, you know?”

 

Yuri hummed. He did know. It was one of his biggest concerns joining this group. “You ever killed a walker before?” he asked.

 

“Yeah…” David admitted. “But that was before we found this group. And since my mom died, I just… I don’t want to get too close to ‘em…”

 

“That’s why you want to learn to shoot.” Yuri said. It wasn’t a question, but David nodded anyway. Yuri’s eyes were out on their surroundings, but he thought even if he tried to look at him, David wouldn’t meet his eyes. There was silence for a moment. “I’ll teach you.”

 

David lifted his head slightly and gave a watery smile. “Thanks.”

 

“It’s nothin’...” Yuri dismissed. David took that as his cue to slide off the top of the truck and sit back down in the bed. The sun was going down and the truck was moving slowly, slow enough for the people walking to keep up. Yuri was at the highest point in the group, but he still couldn’t see over the U-Haul. He thought it would be a good place to have someone positioned.

 

After an hour, some of the kids were getting antsy, some teenagers dozing, some shaking with anxiety, the adults were complaining that their feet hurt. All of this was just irritating Yuri. Couldn’t they see that in this world, you can’t be weak?

 

He thought Beth Greene was absolutely right when she had said, “We all have jobs. We don’t get to be upset.” Then he got to thinking about how many things that show had gotten right, before he realized he needed to focus. If everyone else was busy complaining, then he needed to be on his toes! He exhaled through his nose and downed another walker just as someone on the ground was getting ready to go for it.

 

It took almost three hours to get to the mini mart. The town was wide, but very far and few between. Anywhere from a hundred yards to a half a mile separated each building. It was small, but took a long time to cross. That was one of the reasons he didn’t like to be in towns like this. Get overwhelmed and you had nowhere to escape to, lest you just trap yourself.

 

When the trucks finally stopped, he saw the scouts standing watch in front of it. The inside was dark and Yuri couldn’t see through the windows, but the scouts said it was clear.

 

Viktor yawned and stretched his legs as he got out of the cab of the U-Haul. Katsuki joined him a second later. Everyone jumped out of the bed of the truck, stretching, while the adults took this opportunity to sit down. Yuri stayed on his perch though. The night as dark, and they needed to be on their guard. Otabek climbed up next to him as Viktor gave orders to get the kids inside.

 

Only a small group stayed outside. “Mind if we join you?” JJ asked, although he and Mila were already hopping into the bed of the truck.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Yuri mumbled. Exhaustion was getting to him, but he didn’t want to go inside yet. He snagged another cigarette off Mila and they smoked together while JJ and Mila talked. It seemed like they’d known each other before the Turn. They seemed really familiar to each other, but Yuri didn’t want to pry by asking.

 

After a few hours, Yuri fell asleep in the truck bed and Otabek stayed up until the next shift came to replace them. But instead of going inside, he just curled up beside Yuri and counted the stars until he fell asleep.


	12. Believer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: (separation?) anxiety, paranoia, abandonment issues, trust issues, near death experience

Yuri woke up from the blinding sun in his eyes. Above him was a bright blue, cloudless sky. All around him, fresh air. Below him, though, was the cold hard metal of the truck bed. He grunted and sat up. “Morning.”

 

“Good morning.” Otabek smiled. He was sitting right beside Yuri, allowing the smaller boy to use his arm as a pillow.

 

It took a couple minutes to fully wake himself up, but soon he was sliding out of the truck bed and standing on the sidewalk in front of the mini mart. Through the glass, he could see everyone in there, still asleep. Nobody had bothered to dig out their sleeping stuff, so they’d all just laid down wherever inside.

 

Otabek handed him his gun and he tucked it in the back of his jeans with a grunt of thanks. There were only three other people awake and outside, Yuri noticed. One of them was Anya, but the others were people Yuri had seen around but never met. She waved at him, and he waved back, but he never did like talking to strangers, so he opted to go inside the mini mart.

 

It was pretty average. Most of the shelves were empty as expected, dirt and debris was everywhere, the only light came from the front of the store through the filthy windows.

 

Some people were awake inside, but only a couple. Katsuki was sitting next to a sleeping Viktor, who’s head was in Katsuki’s lap. He was talking to Phichit, and a blond guy that Yuri vaguely remembered his name was Christophe.

 

He frowned at the room before realizing there was nothing to do in there. Otabek smiled fondly at him as they went back outside. They perched on top of the cab of the pickup truck again to wait.

 

~~~

 

It couldn’t have been more than a half hour before a gunshot went off. It was loud, coming from the other side of the U-Haul truck. Yuri and Otabek exchanged panicked glances before scrambling down the side of the truck. They sped around the side of the truck to find a dead walker and Anya, gun in hands, absolutely shaking. The tension bled out from Yuri’s shoulders just as Viktor and Katsuki burst through the doors, weapons raised.

 

Once Viktor realized what was going on, he lowered his gun and sighed. “Jesus! Silenced weapons only!” he reminded everyone. He sent a pointed look to Anya, who all but cowered under it, before walking back inside.

 

Yuri went out on a limb and touched her arm gently, trying to comfort her. She didn’t shove him away, like he thought she might. She exhaled and shook her head, before giving him a tight smile and walking away. He let his hand drop.

 

Maybe Viktor could’ve gone a little easier on her. She was scared, and it looked like no one else had been paying attention.

 

Yuri took a deep breath as he settled back on top of the cab with Otabek. It wasn’t his decision.

 

Viktor approached him after breakfast. He’d been leaning against the window of the mini mart, anxiously fiddling with his gun with Otabek. “Otabek, Yurio!” Viktor called, startling him.

 

“Yeah?” Otabek straightened as Yuri holstered his gun in his jeans.

 

“Why don’t you ride with me in the U-Haul today, Otabek?” Viktor asked, surprising him. “You remember those interviews I wanted to have with you? We never really got the chance.”

 

“Oh. Alright.” Otabek agreed easily.

 

“Great! We’ll have to trust our Head Sniper for the first part of the journey!”

 

“Head Sniper?” Yuri repeated, and it seemed to catch Viktor off guard, like he didn’t think Yuri could or would speak willingly.

 

“Yeah!” he replied after a moment. “I saw you last night. Pickin’ off the bastards before they even got close. Good work, kid.” He gave out the compliment like it was nothing, but Yuri’s face reddened and he didn’t really know what to say to that.

 

“It’s nothin’.” he mumbled, hiding his red face in his hair.

 

“Well, whatever it is, keep it up. We’ll need someone like you once we get to the plant.”

 

“You’ll let us help clear it?” Otabek asked, a faint smile on his face.

 

“Well, sure, if the others’ll let you. Chris was keeping an eye on you two and he seems to think you have a lot of potential.” Yuri stiffened. He thought someone had been watching them, but he’d thought it was JJ. Christophe was watching them? That guy was so quiet and standoffish Yuri assumed he didn’t care about them at all. Before he could over analyse everything he’d done since he’d joined this group, Viktor clapped him on the back. “Get ready.”

 

Then he walked away and raised his voice. “We leave in 10!” he announced. Then, everyone picked up the pace, scrambling to get ready to leave. Girls tied their hair back, boys checked their guns. Parents spoke in hushed voices to their children before getting them onto the truck bed.

 

“You’ll be okay?” Otabek asked, lowering his voice so only Yuri could hear. He took Yuri’s hand and leaned down to look into his eyes, probably searching for any sign of unease.

 

“I’ll be fine.” Yuri assured him. “David will be with me.”

 

Otabek hummed an affirmative before slowly leaning in and capturing Yuri’s lips with his own. It was soft and gentle, reassuring. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” Yuri smiled.

 

“Be careful.” Otabek reminded him gently and kissed him again once more before pulling back.

 

Yuri nodded as Otabek walked away, not letting go of his hand until the last moment. His eyes were full of love and affection as he watched Otabek climb into the passenger side of the U-Haul and he allowed himself a minute to appreciate how lucky he really was to have someone like Otabek who loved him.

 

With nothing else to do, he climbed up onto the cab of the truck and waited for the precession to start. The ride was quiet and took them out of town, which he was thankful for. The group had only encountered one small group of walkers, but they were taken out easily.

 

JJ joined him on top of the cab, which surprised him. He would’ve thought JJ would be wherever Mila was, seeing as they seemed so close. He didn’t ask for permission to sit, just took the spot right beside Yuri with nothing but a nod and friendly smile. Yuri nodded back but didn’t feel the need to say anything really.

 

It wasn’t until about 20 minutes into the ride that JJ spoke up. “You really don’t talk much, huh?”

 

Yuri frowned at the question. He didn’t know how to respond to that… “Uh. I guess not? Sorry…” His voice was awkward and uneven, but JJ just smiled.

 

“Nah.” JJ dismissed casually. “It’s nothin’ to be sorry about. Just interesting is all. You seem really independent. S’good in a world like this.”

 

“Yeah… Learned that real quick.” Yuri replied, taking aim and offing a walker trudging towards them from down the block.

 

“Damn.” JJ gaped. “We need to get you a proper sniper. You got a 9mm now, just imagine what you could do with something designed for long range!”

 

“T-Thanks!” Yuri smiled shyly. He bit his lip and hid his face behind his hair and JJ laughed, but it wasn’t judgemental. Self-assured and loud, yeah, but friendly, almost fond. “I’m okay though. I don’t need anything else. This gun was my dad’s and I don’t really want to use anything else anyway so there’s really no need-”

 

“Woah, dude.” JJ stopped his word vomit. “It’s alright. We’re not gonna take your gun, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

“N-no… I… I just don’t want to impose any more than I already have…” he muttered, frowning as his eyes surveyed the street back and forth.

 

“Oh.” JJ said, seeming shocked. He frowned and took a moment to gather his thoughts. “I wouldn’t say you’re imposing. The way I look at it, we supply you and you help protect all of us. That’s not imposing. That’s teamwork.”

 

“...So you won’t kick us out?” he asked hesitantly.

 

“Kick you out? No! Of course not. This world might be fucked up, but we gotta stick together if we’re gonna survive. Viktor knows that. It’s why he’s a good leader. You’re doing so much for us already, it would be stupid to exile you. Typically, we keep an eye on newcomers the first couple weeks to gauge whether or not they’re trustworthy, but you and your boyfriend are too young to be out there all alone. There’s no way we’d be able to live with ourselves if we just abandoned people like that…”

 

Yuri’s heart tightened and his shoulders hunched. He thought back to the night of the outbreak. The image of his parent’s car stuffed to the point of bursting and getting farther and farther away as he stood on the porch steps of Otabek’s house. The sticky note. The very gun he held in his hands.

 

JJ hadn’t stopped talking, but when he noticed Yuri’s lack of response, he stopped and frowned. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah.” Yuri said, his voice coming out a higher pitch than he intended. “I’m good.”

 

JJ didn’t seem convinced, but didn’t push. “Alright… If you ever need anything, uh. I got you, I guess. Just… So you know.”

 

“Yeah, thanks. I uh. Thanks.” Yuri forced a smile before taking aim at a walker too far away to be a real threat. He just wanted something else to focus on, though.

 

After that, JJ always stayed on light topics, sensing Yuri’s change in mood. Yuri didn’t talk much but that didn’t seem to bother JJ. He talked enough for the both of them, and pretty soon, the other people in the bed of the truck were talking quietly with him as well. Yuri was just content to listen and wonder what on earth Otabek and Viktor were talking about.

 

The parade stopped after about an hour to fill up gas, and Otabek emerged from the U-Haul. Yuri swung himself down onto the ground and landed with bent knees, meeting Otabek half way.

 

“Hey.” Otabek kissed him, letting his hands rest on Yuri’s small waist. “You alright?”

 

“Yeah. I’m good.” Yuri replied almost automatically. He wasn’t really, but he was okay. His mood had dropped since his conversation with JJ but it wasn’t anything to worry Otabek with.

 

“Good.” Otabek smiled, kissing him again. “The interview went well. He asked some pretty basic questions and then we just sort of wound up talking the rest of the time.”

 

“That’s good.” Yuri agreed. “So we can stay?”

 

“Yeah. I don’t think they were ever gonna kick us out. But, Viktor does want to speak with you too.” Otabek said, and Yuri deflated. He didn’t know why he hoped Viktor wouldn’t want to interview him. Just because Otabek’s went well doesn’t mean they’d want to keep Yuri… Of course Otabek’s went well, but with Yuri’s luck, he’ll probably be thrown out on his ass.

 

“Hey.” Otabek poked his cheek. “Don’t worry. I think this group is good for us. And we’re good for them.”

 

“I know.” Yuri muttered, but Otabek knew he wasn’t convinced.

 

“You’ll be okay. And he doesn’t bite. I promise, baby.” Yuri was biting his lip and frowning at the ground but Otabek lifted his chin with one hand and gave him a fond, reassuring smile. It was a smile that meant Yuri was being ridiculous and he had nothing to worry about. It was one of Yuri’s favorites.

 

Otabek attacked Yuri’s face with kisses until he was giggling and weakly pushing him off, but Otabek was persistent, knowing how much Yuri loved when he was like this. Adorable and affectionate and loving. Otabek crowded him against the side of the truck, leaving no room for him to escape.

 

Yuri eventually just grabbed his face and kissed him to stop the attack, muffling his laughter in Otabek’s mouth. His eyes were closed and he almost regretted opening them because people were staring at him. Some were laughing or smiling softly, like they couldn’t believe young love like this had survived the apocalypse. But a couple were giving them offended looks or making crude hand gestures to each other. That was enough to make Yuri take a step back.

 

“Ignore them, baby.” Otabek murmured. He kept a hold on his hand, though and they leaned on the side of the truck until everyone was getting back into position.

 

With nothing else to delay, he walked around to the passenger side of the U-Haul. Viktor was already there, studying a huge map that was spread out over the top of the dashboard. The cab was filthy, a layer of dirt and dust covering everything except the seats. Two water bottles sat in the cup holder and a bunch of CDs were overflowing the center compartment.

 

“You ever been out of Iowa?” Viktor asked in lieu of a greeting, not even looking up from his map. Yuri shuffled around for a second before he got comfortable, resting his gun in his lap.

 

“Um. Yeah. My family’s from Russia.” Yuri mumbled, but Viktor didn’t seem to mind. Viktor looked up at him, then, smiling.

 

“No shit? Me, too!” he cheered. “You speak any Russian?”

 

“I’m fluent.” he replied, shortly. He hunched his shoulders and clasped his hands in his lap.

 

Thoughts of his grandfather passed through his head. Memories of the brief vacations he’d had to visit the man in St. Petersburg. He and his grandfather had always been close, and Yuri knew the man felt terrible for how his daughter and son in law treated him. Of course, Yuri’s parents were on their best behavior when Nikolai was around, but that didn’t stop the man from seeing the bruises he tried to hide under long sweaters, or the scars he could do nothing about when swimming indoors.

 

“That’s cool, kid.” Viktor smiled. Then, someone banged on Viktor’s door three times, and Viktor started the truck. He put the truck into auto on 3mph, and the precession began.

 

Viktor started out with little questions, like how old are you? What grade were you in? Where did you live before the Turn? What are you good at? What are you bad at?

 

Yuri’s replies were all short and quiet, which seemed to off put Viktor at first, but then he got used to it. Viktor seemed really patient, and it wasn’t like he had anything to do other than talk to Yuri anyway, seeing as they were going so slow and all the walkers got picked off before they got close enough to become a threat.

 

“What are we gonna do with the people who can’t fight?” Yuri asked, suddenly when there was a break in conversation. Viktor lifted an eyebrow before answering.

 

“Find somewhere close, but not too close to the plant. We’ll leave ‘em with a few fighters, take the rest with us.” he answered, simply.

 

Yuri frowned and turned his gaze out the window. He knew he’d be left behind with the people who can’t fight. He hoped Otabek would stay with him too.

 

“I take your silence as you want to help?” Viktor offered, speaking in slight broken English. Yuri nodded. “Yeah… We’ll see if the others are okay with it. Doubt it though.”

 

Yuri sighed and nodded. “Alright.” He pulled his legs up to his chest on the seat and laid his head down sideways and stared out the window at the dilapidated buildings.

 

“Otabek is 18, yes?” Viktor asked, though Yuri thought he probably already knew the answer.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How long have you and him been together?” Viktor asked.

 

“We grew up together.” Yuri spoke hesitantly.

 

“Really? That’s a long time. Especially in this world.” Viktor replied. “Yuuri and I have been married for nearly seven years, although I doubt I’d be able to keep track of the date.”

 

Yuri smiled softly, appreciating that the world had granted Viktor one simple wish: to stay with the man he loved. That was truly all Yuri wanted as well. “How did you two meet?”

 

“Well,” Viktor started, smiling fondly. “I was a gym teacher and Yuuri’s sisters never participated in class. His family lived in Japan except for them. He was in the U.S. on a scholarship at Covington for architectural design, and his sisters were spending a year here to become more sophisticated, I guess. So we met when I called him in about his sisters’ behavior, and we hit it off.”

 

“That’s so embarrassing for his sisters.” Yuri commented.

 

“How did you and Otabek get together?” Viktor asked, glancing in the rearview mirror.

 

Yuri frowned. Surely he already knew. He’d already talked to Otabek. “We grew up together and… Just clicked I guess…” he mumbled, vaguely. Their first kiss was personal, and would undoubtedly lead Viktor to asking more probing questions he really would rather not have to answer.

 

“How long have you been together?”

 

Yuri frowned and glanced at Viktor. He knew this game… Viktor was asking him questions he already knew the answer to, just to try and catch any inconsistencies between their stories. A figurative wall formed between them and Yuri crossed his arms on his knees.

 

“Four years.” he stated.

 

“That’s a long time for being so young.”

 

“Yeah, I guess.” Yuri mumbled. Suddenly, the car felt so small and he was reminded of when his parents used to sit him down in the living room and interrogate him for something he most likely didn’t even do. Those ‘conversations’ always ended in a beating, even though usually whatever they were mad about was their own fault.

 

“You okay?” Viktor asked, sounding concerned. Yuri almost thought he was actually worried, but he knew how people were. Manipulative and unpredictable. He wouldn’t fall for this.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Look, kid.” Viktor began. “I’m not gonna get upset at you. I just wanna get to know you, you know?” How would Viktor know what was going to upset him? His parents seemed to be upset by every other thing Yuri did, so it was no surprise Yuri didn’t believe him.

 

“Then stop asking questions you already know the answer to.” Yuri grumbled, harshly. His face was red and he was shaking slightly, already expecting the frustrated sigh and the news that he’d be kicked out at their next stop.

 

Viktor was quiet for a moment. “I’m not gonna hurt you.” he sighed, and Yuri only took that as confirmation that Otabek had told him about his family issues. His heart panged at the small betrayal, but Yuri knew Otabek had a bigger heart than he did. Otabek trusted easily, and that wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t blame him.

 

“That’s what they all say.” Yuri bit back, hunching his shoulders and burrowing into himself. It seemed like Viktor didn’t quite know how to respond to that.

 

“I’m… sure they do. But all I want is to protect my people. And protect you, too. That’s all.” he said.

 

“Sure.” Yuri said, hoping to just end this conversation. Suddenly, he was tired. All he wanted was to either curl up into a ball and sleep or to get back out and kill some walkers to distract himself. He did neither in the end, unable to fall asleep and too awkward to ask to get out of the cab.

 

Luckily, Viktor didn’t talk much after that. He enjoyed the silence.

  
  
  


~~~

 

The power plant stood tall. Big pipes stuck out from the top and big industrial windows covered the walls wherever they could fit. It was out of town, surrounded by woods. Yuri thought he heard a river somewhere close, but he wasn’t paying attention at the time. Walkers shambled aimlessly around it. It looked like there was movement on the inside as well. A dilapidated sign said the plant belonged to a company called Klinger. The group had taken to calling it Klinger.

 

The trucks had stopped down the road a bit from it, as they didn’t want to attract the attention of all the deads at once. At least, not with the entire group present.

 

As he stepped out of the cab of the U-Haul, he could hear the moaning and groaning coming from the factory. Otabek found him immediately and took his hand as they followed Viktor and Katsuki.

 

Anya, Ryan, and David hopped down from the bed of the truck as Viktor called the group together and laid out his plan.

 

He began as everyone formed a circle around him. “Alright. Here’s the plan. We’re going to lead them away using the truck. A few people will be in the bed of the truck and pick them off one by one as we lead them away from the factory. Then, we’ll go back and clear the interior of the factory. Anyone who can’t fight will go with Chris to a safe location. We’ll come get you when the factory is clear.”

 

“They’ll need more people to go with them than just Chris.” Mila pointed out. “And if you’re using the truck, we’ll need a bit of a head start before you draw the walker’s attention. The noise will draw more walkers into the road from the woods.”

 

Viktor seemed to consider this, and nodded. “Will an hour be enough?”

 

“As long as you’re leading them away from us, then yeah.” she replied.

 

“Alright. Anyone who can fight needs to pitch in. This isn’t going to be easy.” he reminded them. Yuri looked over Viktor’s head to the power plant, which loomed over them. It was a fairly tall building, made of cement in some places and brick in others. The windows on the bottom floor were mostly smashed in, but the higher floors looked to be in better shape. Hopefully, that meant there would be less walkers on the higher floors. There were semi trucks parked in the very back of the parking lot in a loading area. One of them had crashed into another and was tipped over, blocking that entrance.

 

If he was being honest, he wasn’t sure they could do this. The number of walkers crowding the outside of the building was daunting, let alone all the ones on the inside. The only time he’d ever seen this many was on the interstate at that gas station and… that hadn’t ended well… He frowned.

 

“You’re sure we can actually do this?” Ryan piped up from beside Yuri. He must have been thinking the same thing.

 

“We? You are not going.” a woman said. She looked no older than 25 years, with long hair that looked like it had once been dyed blue, but faded to an ugly greenish blonde in uneven splotches. Yuri recognized her as one of the group’s two doctors, Danielle.

 

“Why not?” Ryan snapped back. As Yuri looked between them, he figured that these two must not get along well.

 

She glared at him. “You’re just a kid. We let you go on watch duty, but only because there’s adults around if you see something. This is too dangerous.”

 

“Too dangerous my ass!” he argued.

 

“We’re just as capable as you guys!” Anya agreed, crossing her arms.

 

“You’re too young to be risking your lives.” another woman said. She was the mother of two kids, both under the age of 10. She had her arms around them, protectively.

 

“No, we’re not.” Otabek disagreed, surprising Yuri. He thought Otabek would be indifferent to the decision, or at the very least not care enough to speak up about it. He was glad, though, because Yuri wanted to go, but he couldn’t speak up about it. He was too anxious. “Have you been paying any attention to us at all since we got here? We’ve been protecting this group just like you have. We risk our lives every day just by stepping outside. This isn’t any different.”

 

There were a few hums and whispers of agreement from the other teenagers. Ryan plead their case. “We’re just as capable as you guys. I mean, I’m a green belt in karate. Anya’s fast. David’s smart as fuck. Yuri is a good shot. And Otabek’s buff as hell! We can help.”

 

Then, the other teenagers were pitching in, blurting out their strengths and skills. Viktor was just watching with his arms crossed and an amused look on his face. Parents tried quieting their kids, but they wouldn’t listen. Pretty soon, there was a split in the group with Ryan, Anya, Davi, Yuri, and Otabek at the front of their side, parents on the other, Viktor and Katsuki staring down the middle.

 

“Enough!” Viktor raised his voice only a little, but his commanding tone forced everyone’s mouths shut. His amused smirk was gone and it seemed he thought this argument had gone on too long. “We’re burning daylight. Anyone who wants to fight, come with me. Everyone else, go with Chris and Mila.”

 

Yuri watched with quiet satisfaction as the group of teenagers followed Viktor immediately, ignoring their parents’ weak commands to come back. The group of non-fighters was small, just parents with their small children. Some of the teenagers’ parents had reluctantly followed Viktor just so they wouldn’t have to leave their kids to fend for themselves. Chris and Mila snagged a couple fighters to take with them as Viktor armed everyone. He stood in the back of the U-Haul, passing down weapons and ammo, as well as knives for those who didn’t already have one.

 

After the non-fighters left, Viktor called the group together again. “Alright. I will drive the pickup. Yuuri, JJ, and Plisetsky will be in the bed.” Yuri gaped at Viktor but didn’t object as some people grumbled at his inclusion, and Otabek squeezed his hand. “The rest of you, wait here and be as quiet as you can. We don’t want any walkers being drawn away.”

 

They waited an hour, just like they said they would. Yuri sat on his calves with Otabek’s arm around his shoulders, leaning against a tree. People talked quietly, Viktor having to remind them a couple times to keep the volume down. Yuri could believe he had been a gym teacher. He was able to speak in front of people, held an air of confidence while laying out the plan, and had no qualms about reminding people to be quiet.

 

“You be careful, alright?” Otabek muttered into his hair. Yuri turned and rested his head on Otabek’s shoulder.

 

“I will-”

 

“You need to promise me.” Otabek insisted, bringing up his other hand to hold Yuri’s face, gently. His eyes were full of affection, but also fear, and hope. “Leading walkers…? That’s fucking dangerous. So many things could go wrong. Promise me you’ll be careful, baby.”

 

Yuri’s heart skipped a beat and he leaned his forehead against Otabek’s. “I will. I promise.”

 

Otabek closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled. “Okay. I love you.” he whispered.

 

“I love you too.” Yuri breathed, and it felt almost like they were saying goodbye, but Yuri hated goodbyes. “I’ll be back before you know it. Come on.” he lifted Otabek’s face and kissed his cheeks and forehead.

 

Otabek cracked a small smile and Yuri kissed his lips once before burying his face in Otabek’s shoulder.

 

“I’ll be okay.” Yuri promised.

 

“You better be.” Otabek murmured, holding him just a little bit tighter. The hour went by quickly, and Yuri felt as if he was preparing for war, at least mentally. He knew he’d be in the truck bed, and Viktor was watching through the back windows and the mirrors, but he couldn’t help his trembling hands and racing heart.

 

He knew Viktor must be trying to include him. Trying to earn his trust and make him feel comfortable. He entertained the idea that Viktor might be genuine, but his past experiences all told him otherwise.

 

Viktor must have set a timer to know when an hour had passed, because Yuri couldn’t tell just from the sun alone. Viktor had been sitting on the tailgate of the truck swinging his legs, talking with Katsuki and Phichit when he checked his pocket and hopped down to the ground.

 

Phichit began herding everyone back to the treeline and Viktor started the truck. Yuri left Otabek with a kiss and a promise to be careful before meeting Viktor, Katsuki, and JJ by the truck. He felt the prickly stares of everyone watching them. “Alright.” Viktor started, looking between them. “You three be careful back there. Signal if you’re in trouble or need me to speed up.”

 

“Will do.” Katsuki replied. JJ and Yuri nodded.

 

Viktor turned to Yuri, then. “You good for this?”

 

“Yeah.” he decided. Viktor nodded at him and got into the driver’s seat.

 

Katsuki put a hand on his back as they went around to the back. “You got this, man.” he smiled, before swinging himself up. JJ just nodded in agreement and Yuri climbed into the truck bed after them, closing the tailgate behind him.

 

Katsuki banged three times on the cab of the truck and they were off. Viktor didn’t follow the road, so the ride was bumpy over the uneven ground. He had to crouch down and lean on the tailgate for balance.

 

Yuri’s heart sped up as they got closer, and he took deep breaths to try to unravel the knot in his chest, to no avail. His hands were sweating and he wiped them on his grimy jeans. As they got nearer, he could make out the walkers’ faces, bloody and grotesque. JJ cracked his neck and knuckles as Viktor swerved around so the truck was facing away from the horde.

 

“Ready?” Katsuki asked, raising his voice over the deafening sounds of the horde. It was a rhetorical question, because the walkers had already noticed them, and were shambling towards them faster than Yuri thought they would. He glanced at the pile of spare guns and ammo in the bed of the truck and hoped it would be enough. If not, they would have to lead the walkers away from the factory and just hope they wouldn’t run out of gas.

 

JJ was the first to open fire, then Katsuki. The truck slowly began moving, and Yuri began shooting. His shots were as accurate as ever, but he felt the panic well up inside him every once in a while when one walker got a bit too close for comfort. The walkers were weaving their way between cars and around the chain link fence that surrounded the parking lot except for one side, following them out onto the road. The truck bounced twice when Viktor went up over the curb.

 

Viktor slowly lead them away from the factory, going back the way they came, which was the opposite direction the rest of the group had gone. He couldn’t have been going more than 3 miles an hour or slower to match the pace of the horde, sometimes going even slower as they mowed down the ones in the front and had to wait for the rest to catch up.

 

“Ryan really wasn’t lying when he said you’re a good shot!” Katsuki had to shout over the sounds of the dead. Yuri just bit his lip and concentrated harder. He didn’t really know what to say to that. He wasn’t used to being complimented; he didn’t take them very well. He hoped it wasn’t rude not to reply but if Katsuki was upset by it, he didn’t show it. Maybe he just wrote it off as Yuri being too busy to reply.

 

Yuri didn’t even notice as they got farther and farther away. He looked up about 15 minutes after they began shooting, only to realize they were on the road, surrounded by woods and nowhere near the rest of the group. The gunfire was silenced, and wasn’t loud enough to attract very many walkers from the woods, but he glanced around and noticed a couple walkers slowly making their way out to the road. It wasn’t enough of a threat to take his attention away from the horde, but it seemed JJ had that covered anyway though, because he took them out quickly before returning his fire to the horde.

 

They left a trail of dead bodies that would be hell to get back through in their wake. The walkers clambered and tripped over the dead ones haphazardly in pursuit of a meal they’d never get.

 

Yuri was sweating buckets by the time the horde was small enough for him to see the end of. He’d had to switch guns twice and his clothes were sticking to his skin, but he kept going. He didn’t even realize it when Katsuki stopped shooting to say something to Viktor through the open back window, or when he returned and joined the shooting again.

 

Before he knew it, the last walker had fallen dead and silence reigned. “Stop the truck.” Katsuki said through the back window. The truck slowed to a stop, and Viktor got out. He sauntered to the tailgate and opened it before turning his gaze to the path of death behind them.

 

“Jesus Christ.” he mused. “That’s a lot of deads.”

 

Yuri had leaned back against the side of the bed, his gun laying beside him, still in his grasp. His fingers were cold and trembling, his heart still beating rapidly. Katsuki jumped down to the ground and spoke with Viktor, saying something about clearing the road, but Yuri wasn’t listening. He was too deep in his mind to care what they said.

 

All he could think of was that he had just done that! He (and JJ and Katsuki) had just mowed down an entire horde of walkers! That was something that had seemed impossible just a couple weeks ago! He never could’ve imagined taking on a horde this size! And he’d done it, too! He’d just helped clear an entire horde from a factory that they were going to turn into a sanctuary! Suddenly, the idea of a sanctuary didn’t seem like just a fantasy. It was possible, and it was going to happen. He was going to make it happen. He was sure of it.

 

After a moment, he came back to reality, and stood up with a spring. He looked out in awe at the dead walkers and tuned back into the conversation.

 

“We can go over ‘em today, but we’ll still have to clear ‘em eventually. Can’t have this road blocked up like this. The U-Haul can’t go over ‘em.” JJ said.

 

“We’ll worry about that after the power plant’s ours.” Viktor replied. “For now, we need to get back and start clearing it before dark.”

 

“I hope Chris and Mila found somewhere to shack up for the night.” JJ mumbled as they got back into the truck.

 

“Don’t worry about that. They’re capable.” Katsuki assured. He shut the tailgate and banged on the cab. “Sit down. It’s gonna be bumpy.”

 

Yuri sat, and by the time they were back at the factory, his ass was numb. Viktor drove through the untrimmed grass up to the treeline where the rest of the group were hiding. As he pulled up, everyone crowded them, smiling and cheering for them. Yuri found himself cowering under the attention. He quickly found Otabek’s side and tucked himself under his arm. “I told you.” he grinned up at his boyfriend.

 

“I know.” Otabek breathed, smiling back proudly. “I knew you could. I just… I worry about you, babe.” Yuri hugged him tighter and unashamedly used him to hide from the rest of the group, snaking his hands under Otabek’s leather jacket that he must have been dying in. Yuri knew, though, that he wore it because leather is hard to bite through, not because he was cold.

 

Viktor allowed a few minutes of celebration before putting his foot down. He stood on top of the truck bed and called their attention.

 

“We’ve made it this far.” he began. “But we still have a lot ahead of us. The plant could be empty or it could be full. There’s no way to tell until we get in there.”

 

The group whispered to each other in consideration of this.

 

“We need to be prepared for anything. We’ll go in groups starting from different entrances. There’s two front entrances, one side entrance, one in the back, and one that’s been closed off by that semi at the loading area.” he announced, pointing to it. “I’ll take one group around the back, Yuuri will take another to the side entrance. JJ will lead another group to the left front entrance, Phichit will take the right.”

 

Then, they were splitting into groups, and Yuri was practically clinging to Otabek trying to make sure they were in the same group. Viktor called them over specifically. Viktor’s group consisted of about 15 people, the largest of all of them. Ryan was in his group, but Yuri didn’t recognize anyone else.

 

Everyone checked their guns, clipping ammo to their belts and making sure their knife was easily accessible. Yuri’s was tucked into his boot, as always, but he stooped to make sure anyway. It wasn’t long before they were heading out.

 

The sun was high in the sky and Yuri thought it must be around 6 or 7 pm. Hopefully they’d get through this place before nightfall. The walk across the field was short, but it felt like it went by way too fast. He saw JJ’s group enter the building and heard unsilenced gunfire from inside.

 

The back entrance was near the loading area, just on the left side of the building. It was a metal door with a dirt-covered window in the middle. Viktor turned the handle cautiously, but it didn’t open. He exhaled and stepped back like he was about to shoot the lock, but Otabek stopped him.

 

“I can pick it.” he said. Viktor raised an eyebrow but stepped away. Yuri took a hairpin out of his hair and handed it to Otabek. They’d done this before, many times actually. Enough times for Yuri to get into the habit of keeping hairpins on him even though he didn’t actually need them.

 

Otabek stooped to one knee and began working. “How do you know how to do this?” Viktor asked, watching over his shoulder.

 

Otabek tensed for a second but then relaxed. “Sneaking into Yuri’s house.” he replied, quietly. Viktor’s eyes slid to Yuri, who looked away because he knew Viktor knew why Otabek had to be sneaky.

 

Viktor didn’t comment, and soon enough, the door was creaking open and Otabek was standing back, allowing Viktor to take the lead again. “Good job.” Viktor complimented. “Ryan, get the door.”

 

Ryan did, and swung it open while everyone raised their weapons. The room was dark, and Viktor pulled a small flashlight out of his pocket. Many others in the group did the same. They went slowly, Viktor leading the way. “Fan out. Don’t get lost.” he instructed, quietly as the group entered the room. It looked to be a garbage disposal room. It was covered in dust, but otherwise untouched.

 

They continued on, passing through a hallway that had doors along one side and windows on the other. A couple people went in each door, and Yuri startled when he heard the first gunshot on this side of the building.

 

Yuri felt like he was in a haunted building, like one of those paranormal investigators that volunteered to spend the night in a place like this. Only, it was much more dangerous because ghosts weren’t real, but zombies definitely were.

 

Viktor glanced back at them before gesturing for Otabek to get the door at the end of the hall. It was a double door, and Yuri guessed it lead to the main floor. Otabek opened it, standing out of the way in case they needed to shoot.

 

Yuri wasn’t quite sure what he was looking at. There were rusted pipes sticking out of huge metal basins and buttons and control panels sticking out haphazardly. The floor was split level with many different staircases and door ways leading to other parts of the plant.

 

Yuri heard a growl come from around the corner of the door way and shot it on reflex, cringing at the sound as it echoed off the walls. The walker had been laying down on the floor, dormant because there was no food around. Or at least, that was Yuri’s hypothesis. He took a deep breath and continued on.

 

It wasn’t long before the first floor had been cleared and the group reunited, only to split up again to explore the second floor and the basement. He wanted to go upstairs, but Otabek tugged him by the hand to go with Viktor to the basement. Yuri frowned but followed him, not wanting to get separated from him.

 

He felt safer with Otabek with him. He’d been Yuri’s one constant throughout his entire life and he simply didn’t like the idea of not being there if something happened.

 

Viktor, JJ, Yuri, Otabek, and a couple others found their way to the basement staircase. Yuri looked down into the darkness wearily, remembering all the horror movies he’d watched with Otabek and how he’d proudly bragged that he wasn’t affected by them. He wasn’t feeling that confidence now, though. He gulped as Viktor descended down the steps, and forced his feet to follow.

 

He froze at the first sound of growling and snarling. The staircase lead to a small, dingy hallway that had doors branching off. Yuri took a deep breath and opened door number one as everyone else fanned out. His flashlight revealed a walker in its dormant state, laying uselessly on the floor, but as it realized there was food nearby, it made to stand up. Yuri realized walkers were much scarier in small, dark, confined places when something grabbed his foot beside the door.

 

“Derr’mo!” (fuck!) he cursed, arms flailing. The air was knocked out of him as he fell, landing on his ass in the doorway. Panic overtook him and he kicked his legs frantically until the walker lost its grasp. He’d dropped his flashlight and couldn’t see very well but after three blind shots, the walker stopped clawing at his boots an he presumed it dead.

 

He didn’t have time to catch his breath, though, because now the other walker was up and staggering towards him from across the room. He scrambled to his feet sloppily. Instead of grabbing his flashlight, he only kicked it away accidentally. The flashlight must have rolled under something because it suddenly got much darker and he couldn’t see.

 

The walker grabbed at him, pulling at his clothes and snapping its teeth. Yuri fell back into the wall beside the door, struggling to keep its mouth away from his flesh. He grunted as the walker brought him to the ground, cornered between the wall and the floor.

 

He couldn’t get his gun aimed at its head with how close the walker was. He was using both arms and all his strength to keep it from biting him. Then, he remembered his knife. He dropped the gun, which landed with a clang on the concrete floor, and bent his knee, shifting his weight and freeing one arm. He felt the stringy, matted hair of the walker against his face and nearly gagged when some of it got in his mouth.

 

He mentally thanked his mother for forcing him to take ballet lessons because without them, he wouldn’t have been able to bend his leg far enough to reach his knife. He grabbed hold of the wooden handle and plunged it into the walker’s skull as hard as he could. It made a sickening crack and the walker slumped on top of him.

 

He was breathing heavy as he shoved it off him and scooted away from it. He took a second to calm down before shakily reaching for his gun and blindly searching for his flashlight. He looked down at the walkers with distaste, frowning at the mess of human flesh they’d left all over the floor. He took a deep breath and walked back into the hallway.

 

The others had cleared a few rooms and Yuri quickly found Otabek’s side, hands still trembling slightly. Otabek frowned in concern when he saw how disgruntled Yuri was, but didn’t comment. Instead, they began clearing rooms together and it wasn’t long before Viktor was calling everyone back upstairs to join the rest of the group.


	13. Cry Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: referenced sexual assault, referenced suicide, self-loathing, guilt, shame

Yuri quickly learned just how hardworking and ambitious this group was. The second Katsuki had drawn up the layout for Klinger, everyone got to work. Yuri had been put on guard duty pretty immediately, and he was fine with that. He had the self awareness to admit that he wasn’t the strongest guy, but he was a hell of a good shot. He and JJ were in charge of the north side of the building, the front entrance.

 

Otabek had been snagged by Chris to help clear out the main plant floor, having to work around all the heavy machinery and get rid of all the trash littered around the place. The sky was bright blue and the sun was blinding, but Yuri kept his eyes out.

 

The front parking lot didn’t have a lot to look at. Broken down cars with nothing of use in them. Corpses. The usual. He and JJ took turns pacing up and down the length of the plant’s front wall, meeting in the middle with a nod or sometimes nothing at all.

 

Yuri didn’t feel the need to fill the silence, but after an hour and a half of nothing, JJ finally broke. “You’re doing okay, right?” he asked suddenly. They were in the middle, close enough to hear each other. Yuri looked up at him to see an apprehensive but equally concerned expression on his face.

 

“Yeah. I’m okay.” Yuri frowned and averted his eyes. He didn’t walk away as he sensed this conversation couldn’t be dismissed so easily, but he put a couple more feet between them. JJ leaned on the railing leading up to the front entrance.

 

“It’s okay if you’re not.” he said. He let Yuri consider his words but when it became clear he wasn’t getting a response, he continued. “I’ve heard ya cryin’ at night.”

 

Yuri tensed and glared at him, before continuing to avert his eyes.

 

“My youngest sister had somethin’ like that happen to her, too.” he shared, sitting down on the steps and holding his gun loosely between his bent legs. “She was an absolute angel. But after that, she uh… She couldn’t handle it. I just…” 

 

Yuri could tell he was getting choked up and felt guilty because this boy was sharing something that must be immensely painful and Yuri was standing with his back to him like he didn’t even care. Slowly, his gaze softened and he inched his way closer to JJ, though the boy wasn’t looking at him. He was staring hard at the ground under his feet.

 

It seemed like JJ was having trouble finding the right words, so Yuri just sat down on the steps next to him and let him think. “I just don’t want you to… I don’t want you to make the same mistake she did.” he finally said.

 

Yuri glanced at him out of the corner of his eye but otherwise hid behind his bangs and leaned forward on his knees. “I’m sorry that happened.” he said, so quiet it was almost a whisper. He knew what JJ wanted to hear, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Couldn’t trap himself into the corner JJ wanted him in. The corner Otabek wanted him in, but wouldn’t dare bring it up to his face.

 

“Just… I know you have Otabek, and… that’s great, you know? But sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone who doesn’t know you too well. I uh. I just wanted to say… I’m here. Mila’s here. And Viktor took me in like I was his own damn kid. I don’t want you to think you’re not just as welcome as I was…” JJ trailed off.

 

Yuri took a deep breath and JJ was nearly holding his breath in anticipation of what he had to say. But if Yuri was being honest, he felt like if he opened his mouth right then, he wouldn’t be able to contain himself. He would fall apart and lose control and freak out and he had no idea where Otabek was and he knew if he broke down someone would have to pick him back up and he hated that.

 

“T-There’s nothing…” he started, his voice wobbly and eyes already glossy. “Nothing I could say… th-that would describe it.” He took another deep breath and tried to will himself not to cry.

“Nothing I could say that would make you understand. A-and I… D-Don’t really want you to… understand anyway.” 

 

JJ leaned closer ever so slightly but Yuri shied away immediately, and JJ leaned away again. He sighed, and spoke gently. “I don’t need to understand, Yuri. You just need to let it out.”

 

There was a few seconds where Yuri kept trying to fight it, but as soon as he felt the first tear slip down his cheek, he surrendered, and just let everything clawing to get out overtake him. The gun clattered to the ground and he covered his face with his hands and let himself feel everything he’d been shoving down the last week.

 

The disgust. The weakness. The guilt. The hatred. The hopelessness. Everything came crashing down like a tsunami and he couldn’t do anything about it now except let it run its course.

 

He didn't know how long he sat there crying. How long JJ had sat there with him, sadly gazing out at the parking lot and listening to his broken sobs. It felt like forever because the tears wouldn’t stop and the shaking wouldn’t stop. He didn’t know why he’d chosen to let JJ see this side of him, why he hadn’t gotten up and went running to Otabek’s open arms to cry instead of right here out in the open with this guy he barely knew.

 

But it felt good and that was all he cared about in that moment. It felt good to let it out. To be loud and messy and know that the boy sitting next to him had seen this before. JJ didn’t look at him with pity or make him feel like any less of a person because of what had happened to him, and that was something that made him cry like a whiny baby because ever since that day, he couldn’t get it out of his mind that everyone was judging him for it. Even if they didn’t know. He knew they didn’t know. But he still felt like everyone knew  _ something.  _

 

He’d been holding it deep inside of him for so long it felt like a physical weight had been lifted off his shoulders when he finally calmed down enough to wipe his tears and take a deep breath. He felt like he was lighter. Like he could breathe again. He felt all the tension leave his body as he lied back on the steps. The concrete digging into his back didn’t even bother him as he stared up at the blue sky and trusted that JJ would take care of any walkers that came to close.

 

When he finally scraped himself up off the ground, JJ stood as well and sent him a small smile that Yuri couldn’t help but return. “Thank you.” he murmured, picking his gun up and checking it.

 

“Of course, man.” JJ replied, almost casually. “Sometimes you just gotta have a good long cryin’ session.” Then, he passed Yuri by and began his walk back down the side of the building.

 

~~~

 

After their shift was over, Yuri followed JJ inside the plant. The sun was high in the sky and it was a shame it was too dangerous to go outside for recreational reasons.

 

The plant was so big, he wasn’t really sure where anyone was. It felt too quiet. The hallways were still covered in dirt and dust. Trash still littered the floor everywhere. He found himself walking aimlessly down one wing of the plant. He chose the one that looked the quietest, and honestly wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. He just explored, walked around in abandoned rooms and guessed what their main function was. He really couldn’t tell you what anything in this damn building did, but he also didn’t really care.

 

He just thought the aesthetic of abandoned buildings was cool. Filthy and messy and overgrown. The world hadn’t reached the stage where it was being overgrown yet, but Yuri found himself looking forward to it.

 

Eventually, he reached the top floor, which was pretty much left untouched as soon as it was cleared, seeing as it was way too high up to carry supplies up and down everyday. He found what looked like a fire escape. It was at the very end of a long hallway, and the door was locked, but he broke the window right beside it and climbed out anyway.

 

The black lattice metal creaked beneath his feet as he stepped onto the landing, leaning on the railing to avoid cutting himself on the broken glass. The view was pretty nice from up here. He could see over the top of the trees for a while, but also had a view of the loading area to the left of the fire escape. He spotted someone on guard duty who looked like Ryan, but he couldn’t tell for sure from this distance.

 

He sat on the steps, laying his gun down beside him and wrapping his arms around his knees. He didn’t know how long he stayed there, but it was long after the sun went down that he realized Otabek would be getting worried.

 

But he suddenly felt so tired and he couldn’t even be bothered to  _ think _ about walking down all those flights of stairs again. The metal of the steps was making his ass numb but he couldn’t find the energy to reposition himself. He fell asleep right where he sat.


	14. American Money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: implied/referenced child abuse, implied eating disorder (sort of)  
> its mostly cute but also really sad

**Three Years Before The Turn**

 

Otabek had been playing Skyrim on his Xbox in the living room when he received a flurry of texts. The specific ringtone let him know they were from Yuri. It was the power up sound effect from Mario, his and Yuri’s favorite game to play together.

 

It was almost midnight, his parents having already gone to bed, on a Friday. He’d walked Yuri home from school as he always did and they went their separate ways. It had been a few hours since Yuri last texted him, so the sudden flurry of texts worried Otabek.

 

He paused his game and checked the texts.

 

Y: can i come over tonight

Y: im sorry

Y: they kicked me out again

Y: im coming over

O: of course

 

By the time he’d hit send, the front door was already opening. Yuri had long ago been given his own key to the house. Otabek’s parents had always been sympathetic to the boy, ever since he first showed up for a play date with mysterious bruises on his arms in the first grade. Otabek’s parents never turned him away, and at one point had even considered what it would take to adopt him.

 

The sight of Yuri was a painful one for Otabek. His heart dropped when Yuri trudged through the door, wearing exactly what he’d worn to school that day, backpack on his back, lanyard hanging out of his pocket. His messy hair was covering his green eyes, scratches marring his freckled cheeks. His hoodie - borrowed from Otabek - was falling off one shoulder and a big wet spot covered right on the bottom of his ribs.

 

“Woah.” Otabek gasped, standing in front of Yuri before the front door was even closed. “What happened?” Concern flooded his voice and Yuri hid his face, ducking his head and hunching his shoulders.

 

“Are you okay?” Otabek asked, hands automatically moving to push up the boy’s sleeves to see the damage done, but Yuri suddenly snatched his hands away, holding them close to his chest protectively. “Yura…”

 

“I’m sorry… Can we just… not talk about it right now?” Yuri muttered. Otabek frowned and gently pulled Yuri in for a hug. The boy went easily, burying his bloody face in Otabek’s shoulder, no doubt smearing blood on Otabek’s clean shirt, but he couldn’t care less. He just wanted to wrap this boy up in bubble wrap and never let him out of his sight again.

 

Yuri breathed in shakily and Otabek could feel his entire body tremble as he curled into Otabek’s arms. “It’s okay.” Otabek whispered, because he never really knew what to say in situations like these. It happened often enough, but Yuri was more the type to work out his problems on his own, in his head. He didn’t often cry, so when he did, Otabek knew something more than his usual problems at home was going on.

 

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there in the doorway, but when Yuri finally pulled himself together enough to wipe his tears and take a deep breath, it was well past midnight.

 

Otabek sighed, “Have you eaten?”

 

“Yeah.” Yuri mumbled. His voice was small and fragile sounding, still shaky from crying.

 

Otabek knew he was probably lying, but he also knew there was no point in calling him out on it. 

 

“Can we just go to bed?”

 

“Let me look at you first.” Otabek said, and Yuri very reluctantly let Otabek’s stained, oversized hoodie fall off his shoulders. The first thing he noticed was the new cuts on Yuri’s right wrist. There were faded ones from years ago, recent ones from weeks ago, and new angry red ones from just that day.

 

Gently, he took Yuri’s arm and turned it, frowning sadly at all the bruises from where his parents had thrown him around. Little, circular scars littered his forearms from where his parents had put out their cigarettes on him. Long stretches of scars wrapped around his shoulder like belts.

 

Yuri let him move his arms however he wanted, and frowned but didn’t protest when Otabek examined his face. Softly, he lifted Yuri’s chin, revealing bruises like fingers around Yuri’s neck. A bruise was on Yuri’s face and a cut, still bleeding, from being slapped with a ring clad hand.

 

Otabek’s hand fell to Yuri’s little waist. The fabric of the tank top was wet right where the hoodie was. “My mom was cooking and she threw a pot of hot water at me.” Yuri whispered.

 

Otabek didn’t know any words that would accurately describe the hatred he had for Yuri’s parents. They didn’t deserve Yuri. He was too good for them. Too kind and strong and they just didn’t appreciate what they had! How could anyone treat little Yuri like this? He was just a sweet, sensitive boy that didn’t deserve any of the pain he had to endure.

 

“It wasn’t boiling or anything…” Yuri offered when Otabek’s hand tightened on his waist.

 

“That’s not the point.” Otabek grumbled. “What kind of parent throws hot water on their kid?” 

 

He realized a moment too late that was probably not what Yuri wanted to hear right then. Yuri hunched his shoulders and bowed his head in shame.

 

“No, no.” Otabek hurried to say. “It’s not your fault. It- It’s theirs. I just- You-” 

 

He couldn’t find the right words, so he just settled for pulling Yuri into another hug, a little tighter this time. Yuri hugged back, small hands bunched in his sweatshirt while he buried his nose in Yuri’s soft hair. Yuri was so small Otabek felt like he was hugging his pillow. Like if he squeezed too hard, Yuri might just shatter into a million pieces.

 

“It’s not your fault.” he whispered.

 

“I know that.” Yuri whispered back, but Otabek knew he didn’t.

 

“Why don’t you stay over here this summer?” Otabek suggested, even though he knew Yuri would decline. He knew how guilty Yuri always was, sleeping in his bed, eating his food, using his water and electricity. He never felt like he was doing enough for anyone, even though, honestly, if Yuri wanted, Otabek would probably drop everything and run away to some unknown destination together. He wasn’t sure there was anything he wouldn’t do for Yuri.

 

Yuri just sighed and shook his head slightly, which only made Otabek hold on tighter. “Can we go to bed?” Yuri asked.

 

“Yeah.” Otabek didn’t let go for another couple seconds, and he missed Yuri’s warmth the second they pulled apart. He lent Yuri some pajamas and they got into Otabek’s twin bed. It wasn’t big enough for them but Otabek couldn’t care less of their proximity. He worried sometimes that he crowded Yuri, but the boy never made any protest or attempt to give himself space.

 

Otabek turned on Friends on his laptop that sat on his bent legs and Yuri burrowed into the blanket so only his face was visible. It was a couple episodes later that Yuri finally spoke up, and Otabek hurried to turn the volume down. He always needed a little bit of time to gather his thoughts before he talked about things with Otabek, and Otabek knew that if he didn’t pay full attention, Yuri would just assume he didn’t care and keep everything inside.

 

“My mom lost her job.” he muttered, staring unseeingly at the laptop screen.

 

“Oh.”

 

“She got home pissed. Ignored me for awhile but just exploded when I went into the kitchen.” Yuri frowned. “Said a lot of nasty shit.” Yuri was being vague, Otabek assumed, because he didn’t want to repeat anything she said about him.

 

“You know when she’s mean, she’s lying. None of what she said is true.” Otabek reminded him, gently. Yuri just exhaled and shook his head, pulling the blanket burrito tighter around himself.

 

“It’s fine.” Yuri muttered. He didn’t speak for another minute, but continued shakily. “She said not to come back till I can pay rent.”

 

“Then stay here.” Otabek said automatically.

 

“Nah. It’s fine. She’ll cool down by tomorrow, start feeling guilty the day after. Probably be super nice to me for a few days after that. Then right back to normal.” His voice was monotone like he had already worked everything out in his mind, but just wanted to let Otabek know.

 

“You should stay anyway. We like you here.”

 

“I…” he sighed. “No, I’m fine. I just need a couple days and then I can go home. Just… Thank you, I appreciate that you’d let me live here if it came to that… But it won’t. So... “ he trailed off.

 

Otabek hummed and after a minute of silence, deemed the conversation over. He turned up the volume again and at least five episodes had passed by the time Yuri was fast asleep.

 

Gazing at the boy laying beside him, his heart squeezed. The bruise on his left cheek was just barely visible in the darkness, already the color shifting from yellow to purple. He couldn’t stop himself from brushing Yuri’s bangs out of his face gently. His skin was incredibly soft under his finger tips. How Yuri kept his face acne free, Otabek didn’t know, but the marks left by scars and freckles only made him more beautiful.

 

Otabek allowed himself only a couple seconds to appreciate Yuri’s rare expression of complete comfort and ease. There were no lines of tension on his face, not between his eyebrows, not on the corners of his lips, not even on the crease of his nose. His round lips were parted just slightly and his breathing was the only sound Otabek heard.

 

He didn’t realize he’d done it, but just before he stood up to go sleep on the couch, he softly pecked Yuri’s unbruised cheek. He shut the laptop and set it on the floor, silently thanking God that Yuri had been asleep. He was in the middle of that thought when he heard the word.

 

“Stay.”

 

“Yura-!” Otabek gasped, not realizing the boy was awake. Otabek’s face was hot and his heart rate spiked. He was glad the darkness hid his face.

 

“Stay.” Yuri breathed again. He felt Yuri’s small hand wrap around his wrist, tugging timidly, as if Yuri thought there was any chance Otabek would leave.

 

“I- Ah. Are you sure?” Otabek stammered, but let Yuri pull him forward anyway. Yuri hummed lazily and scooted over, unwrapping his blanket burrito just enough for Otabek to slide in beside him. Somehow, Yuri’s head found it’s way to his chest, and his arms wrapped around Yuri’s waist. He could smell Yuri’s banana shampoo and unconsciously decided it was his favorite smell. The blanket was mostly on Yuri’s side, but Otabek didn’t mind. Their shared body heat was plenty enough to keep him warm.

 

It must have taken him at least an hour to fall asleep. He couldn’t let himself relax until he was positive Yuri had fallen asleep. But once he did, Otabek soon followed.


	15. Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Abandonment Issues, Hurt no Comfort (will be comfort eventually dont worry ;)

**11 months and 2 weeks after the Turn**

 

Yuri woke up quietly. He knew he was awake before he opened his eyes because the wind was wildly blowing his hair across his face. He heard the fire escape creak slightly, but only opened his eyes once he registered the little huffs of breaths he could hear next to him. He startled, shooting up and nearly falling over the railing because- _Holy shit! Is that a walker?!_

 

“Woah!” Otabek held his hands up. He was sitting beside Yuri in the corner of the landing of the fire escape.

 

“Oh, God…” Yuri exhaled, relaxing now that he knew it was just Otabek. “I thought you were a walker…”

 

“Nope. Just me.” Otabek replied, folding his hands in his lap as if he was bored.

 

Yuri sat down again with his knees drawn up to his chest. He took a deep breath to calm himself and buried his face in his knees, letting his hair fall around his face like curtains keeping out the light. He was enjoying the silence. He could hear the wind, the birds, the leaves on nearby trees. He could even hear the sounds of people already awake several floors below them.

 

“...Why didn’t you tell me where you were last night?” Otabek asked after a few minutes. Yuri lifted his head to see Otabek staring at his hands with a tight frown on his face.

 

“I… I don’t know. I just…” Yuri tried to elaborate, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to make Otabek understand, even if he tried. “came up here to be alone and fell asleep. I’m sorry…”

 

“I was scared. I thought something happened to you…” Otabek muttered.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry…” Yuri murmured, reaching out to tug on his jacket sleeve.

 

“You never mean to make me worry but you always do.” Otabek said, so quiet Yuri almost couldn’t hear him.

 

His hand froze, and he let it fall to the metal floor. A pang went through his chest and he thought maybe today was the day. The day Otabek finally woke up and realized how much better he could do than Yuri.

 

“I…” Yuri couldn’t figure out what to say, too caught up in his own thoughts. He knew this day was coming, but he never liked to think about it. Just decided to enjoy Otabek’s love while it lasted until he finally left him. Just like everyone does eventually. “I’m sorry…”

 

“Stop saying that.” Otabek frowned. He had a tight frown on his face as he glared at his shoes.

 

Yuri very nearly apologized again, but caught himself. He buried his face in his knees again and waited for Otabek to say it. That he was leaving. It was over. He’d gotten sick of Yuri. He’s grown tired of always taking care of him, having to worry about him, having to stick his neck out for him all the time. Yuri wasn’t surprised, but still felt the knot in his chest tighten and his face warm.

 

“You need to be more careful.” Otabek scolded.

 

“But nothing happened...” Yuri tried.

 

“Something could’ve happened and I had no idea where you were!” Otabek raised his voice a little, and Yuri hunched his shoulders.

 

“I can take care of myself. You don’t need to be keeping tabs on me every second of the day!” Yuri insisted defensively.

 

“I don’t keep tabs on you _‘every second of the day!’_ You never came to dinner! I waited for you to come to bed and you didn’t! Nobody knew where you were!” Otabek yelled.

 

“Maybe I didn’t _want_ anyone to know where I was!”

 

“Why?! You knew I’d be worried! You should’ve said something.”

 

“I didn’t want to say anything. I wanted to be alone!”

 

“Well you got your alone time and worried me half to death!”

 

“I didn’t mean to! I just needed to be alone!”

 

“Why? You always come to me when something’s bothering you. What was different this time?”

 

Yuri and Otabek stared at each other, both with slightly aggressive expressions on their faces. Yuri held his gaze for a few seconds before burying his face in his knees again. “Everything was different this time.” he muttered.

 

Otabek exhaled loudly, and stood up. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times like he was about to say something but changed his mind. “We should get down there.” he said, and began the trek down the stairs.

 

Yuri watched him go with wide eyes and a trembling jaw. When the creaking of the stairs stopped and indicated Otabek was on the ground, Yuri curled up impossibly small against the railing.

 

He hadn’t been thinking straight. He knew Otabek would be worried… But he stayed up there anyway. He was so selfish! It’s no wonder Otabek finally got sick of it. Hell, Yuri couldn’t blame him. If it were possible, Yuri would’ve left himself years ago.

 

And yet, he argued. Because that was how he dealt with conflict. Not very healthy and not very effective, but it was the only thing he knew. Shouting matches were his norm his entire life. He relied pretty much entirely on Otabek’s seemingly endless patience. But, it looked like his patience had run out.

 

He cried. He thought he had cried himself out with JJ, but no. Of course not. It was pathetic, how much he cried. He made sure to be quiet; he always did. He didn’t want anyone hearing him, didn’t want Otabek to hear him, didn’t want anyone to know he was so fucking pathetic.

 

Just the thought of Otabek leaving him made him want to curl up and die. Then, he would be alone. Completely alone. No ties to anyone or anywhere. No one to fall back on. No one to ask for help. No one to save him.

 

Although, pushing his selfishness aside… Maybe Otabek would be better off. He would meet someone else. Someone better. Someone who can give just as much as he takes. Someone who wasn’t so damaged and broken that it wasn’t even worth it to fix.

 

Anyone else.

 

~~~

 

Yuri stayed there all day. No one came looking for him, which only slightly hurt, but he knew he deserved it. Even as his throat burned and stomach growled, he sat up on the top floor of the fire escape.

 

He considered jumping off it, but he knew Otabek would blame himself. And that wasn’t fair. It wouldn’t’ve have been anyone’s fault but Yuri’s own. _Sigh._ Hypothetically, of course.

 

He watched the patrols walk around the perimeter of the powerplant, just trapped inside his head. He sat with his legs dangling off the ledge between the bars of the railing, staring down at the ground with a dark, dark expression on his face.

 

He really wished he had some alcohol. Or weed. Or pills. God, anything. He hated this. Maybe if he stayed up there long enough, he would starve and no one would notice. No, he’d die of dehydration first. He’d turn into a walker, trapped up there. Someone would find him eventually, maybe even Otabek. Maybe they’d be sorry. Maybe they’d be glad. He thought about it until he fell asleep that night.

 

~~~

 

It was about mid afternoon when he heard the tell tale creaking of the stairs. He hunched his shoulders and pulled his knees up to his chest in the corner, and wished that whoever it was would just go away.

 

“Yuri?” It was Viktor. He let out a sigh of relief that it wasn’t Otabek. He didn’t know if he could face him after yesterday morning...  “Yuri! There you are.”

 

“Yeah.” Yuri croaked. His throat was dirt dry from having no water for the last 24 hours.

 

“Uh.” Viktor faltered a little, and then sat down with his back leaning against the railing. He took an appreciative look around the small landing. “So this is where you’ve been hiding.”

 

Yuri didn’t respond.

 

“It’s uh… nice. Nice view. Good shade.”

 

Silence.

 

“...We’ve missed you down there.” he tried.

 

It was obvious to Yuri that he was trying his best to tiptoe around the issue. Yuri wished he would just get to the point but he was too tired to say that.

 

“JJ’s wondering where you are.”

 

Yuri lifted his head, just slightly. Enough for Viktor to get the message to continue.

 

“He uh. He wanted to go out on a run to Swisher tomorrow. It’s just northeast of here. He was wondering if you want to go.”

 

Yuri took a deep breath. “Sure.”

 

Viktor looked surprised. “Okay. Um. We’re all having lunch right now. Do you... want to come down for a bit?” So that’s what it was about.

 

Yuri frowned and buried his face in his knees again. He shook his head no.

 

“Oh.” Viktor frowned. He sort of twiddled his thumbs for a second. “Yuri… I know you don’t trust me yet. And that’s okay, because trust has to be earned. I plan to earn it. But I really wish you’d come down. Everyone misses you. JJ, Mila, Anya and David.” He hesitated. “Otabek misses you too. He’s just too stubborn to tell you himself.”

 

Yuri looked up with a skeptical and slightly offended look on his face. “He’s not stubborn. I’m the stubborn one. If he hasn’t come up here by now it’s because he just doesn’t want to. I deserve it anyway…”

 

“Why?” Viktor asked gently.

 

“...Because! I… I’m selfish and I didn’t tell him where I was and he was worried and now we aren’t talking. It’s my fault! It’s my fault and he knows that and he finally realized how bad of a person I am and he doesn’t need someone like me! He needs someone better! He _deserves_ someone better!”

 

“Woah! Woah!” Viktor stopped him with a shocked expression on his face, leaning forward a bit. “I promise you, he doesn’t think that!”

 

“How would you know…? You don’t even know us…”

 

“Yuri… A stranger could tell how unhappy Otabek is without you. Trust me. He misses you. We all do. Please… come down for lunch?” Viktor pleaded.

 

Yuri looked away and frowned, thinking about all the attention he would get from going downstairs now. Unwanted attention. He supposed it was inevitable now, though. The longer he stayed up there the worse it would be.

 

But he had trouble believing Viktor’s words. Otabek was never one to put his pride before their relationship, which meant that if he hadn’t come to Yuri already, he probably just wanted to be done now.

 

The thought of Otabek being done with him made him never want to leave this spot again, if he was being honest. He had never known a world without Otabek, and he didn’t want to. He didn’t think he could handle the weight of _his_ rejection. It would hurt too much. It would kill him. He couldn’t risk it!

 

And yet, every second he sat up there on the top floor of the fire escape was another second Otabek could be thinking about leaving him for good, if he hadn’t already decided.

 

He could’ve already decided.

 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


	16. The Middle

Yuri followed Viktor down the steps, mentally preparing himself for pushy, intrusive questions. He retreated into his mind as they approached the front entrance to the plant. Most people had taken up residence on sleeping mats littered around the main floor. He stood in the doorway and observed as the group was handing out cans of soup and water bottles. He found himself searching for Otabek in the crowd, and found him sitting alone in a far corner of the floor.

 

Viktor, thankfully, didn’t lead him over to Otabek. He lead him to where Katsuki, Chris, JJ, and Mila were sitting. They all looked up when they noticed him.

 

“Hey!” JJ smiled.

 

“Nice to know you’re not dead or anything.” Mila joked. Yuri frowned as he sat down, thinking about how that was the whole reason he and Otabek were fighting.

 

“Nope. Still alive.” he mumbled as he accepted a can of beef stew from Katsuki. “Thanks.”

 

“Of course. Eat up.” Katsuki said, and Yuri could feel the mood dampen slightly at the reminder that he hadn’t eaten in a day and a half. He chugged an entire water bottle when JJ offered it to him, making them all laugh and gently chastise him for not taking care of himself.

 

After that, he quickly faded into the background of conversation, only speaking when spoken to and using short answers. He was too wrapped up in his head to talk, and thankfully the group seemed to notice that. Or maybe they were all trying to keep him from getting uncomfortable by avoiding the topic altogether. He didn’t know, but he was glad.

 

He couldn’t help but notice how Otabek wasn’t sitting with them. Had he been ignoring everyone while Yuri was gone? They probably already all knew they had a fight… That explained why nobody was questioning him about why he had disappeared off the face of the earth.

 

Every once in a while, he’d catch Otabek looking over at him, and would feel a rush of guilt and shame because he should really be over there. He shouldn’t be here, with friends laughing and eating when Otabek was alone.

 

He’d been working himself up to go talk to Otabek when JJ caught his attention. “So you’re going with us tomorrow, Yurio?”

 

“Huh? Um. Yeah, I think. I should probably ask Otabek first…” he mumbled, looking back at his boyfriend with sad eyes.

 

“Oh.” JJ sighed, looking somewhat disappointed, but a smile replaced his frown quickly. “Well, if he wants to come too, that’d be okay.”

 

“Yeah!” Katsuki smiled. “So far it’s just us, minus Christophe. He and Phichit will hold down the fort while we’re gone.”

 

“Oh, uh. Alright.” Yuri smiled nervously, fiddling with his hands. The conversation left him behind again and after a couple minutes, he suddenly stood up.

 

He knew if he allowed himself any more time to overthink, he would end up sleeping on the cold hard metal scaffolding of the fire escape again, and he really preferred Otabek’s warm arms instead. He hoped that was still an option at all.

 

He felt his friends’ eyes on his back as he walked determinedly across the room, being careful not to step on anyone’s fingers or in anyone’s food on the floor.

 

Otabek was reading a book, leaning against the wall on the bed mat with his ankles crossed. He put his book down slowly and eyed Yuri with a blank face. Yuri took a deep breath.

 

“I um.” Yuri started, though he didn’t really know where he was going with it. He bit his lip and shifted his weight from foot to foot before slowly dropping to his knees beside Otabek, making sure to stay a safe distance away in case something went wrong.

 

…

 

Wait. What?

 

In case something went wrong? No. Otabek wouldn’t hit him! He wouldn’t! He’d never done it before and he probably never would. Yuri didn’t even know where that thought came from, but he surprised himself with it.

 

“I’m sorry- I mean... I know you said not to say sorry anymore but I really am. A-And I didn’t mean to worry you but I just felt so overwhelmed and I know I… I should have told you where I was but I was suddenly just so tired I sort of... passed out? I’ll try harder! I promise. I’ll be better and I’ll tell you where I am all the time, I’ll be more careful. I’ll do anything. I just… I miss you.”

 

He was staring at the floor and biting his bottom lip so hard he knew there would be marks when he let go, but he couldn’t stop the tension from locking his jaw. His face was hot and wet but he didn’t move to wipe his eyes. He just sat there in silence waiting for Otabek’s response.

 

It didn’t come for a few seconds, and Yuri almost started another word vomit when Otabek finally spoke. “Okay. I miss you too.” he said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

 

Yuri looked up, surprised. “What?”

 

“I miss you too.” Otabek admitted, looking down sadly at his hands. “I… I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that-”

 

“No, it’s okay.” Yuri assured him quickly. “I deserved it…”

 

Otabek sighed. “No you didn’t… We both just got too worked up.”

 

Yuri blinked, “... But I was being inconsiderate…?”

 

“Baby, you’re…” Otabek took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “You’ve been through so much lately. You’re… allowed to be inconsiderate sometimes. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. You needed me… and I…” He scoffed. “I just fucking bailed on you. I’m sorry.”

 

Yuri furrowed his brows, and tugged on Otabek’s sleeve until he looked up at him. “It’s okay. I… I should’ve come to you from the start. I… Can we just…”

 

“Yeah.” Otabek answered eagerly, knowing what he meant. Then, they were hugging and Otabek was hauling him into his lap. He practically melted in his boyfriend’s arms, all the fear of rejection passing through him and leaving only relief and contentment.

 

He buried his face in Otabek’s neck and held onto him tight. “I missed you, baby.” Otabek murmured.

 

“I’m sorry- I mean…!”

 

“It’s okay.” he hurried to reassure. “I shouldn’t have told you not to say that.”

 

“It’s fine. I know I say it a lot…” he murmured.

 

“That’s not your fault.” Otabek insisted firmly, holding him tighter. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” Yuri breathed.

 

“Can you…” Otabek started, hesitantly. “Can you tell me what was wrong?”

 

Yuri froze and pulled back a little, just enough to see his face. He frowned and tried to gather his thoughts while Otabek rubbed circles into his thigh and back. “I was talking to JJ…”

 

“When?”

 

“Um. Before I went up to the fire escape…”

 

“About what?” Otabek asked. Yuri could sense the protectiveness in his tone.

 

“Well… He told me some things… about his sister. He said she was hurt too. Like… I was…” He couldn’t bare to say the words out loud.

 

“Yura…”

 

“And he said he was worried about me. Because his sister… He just wanted to talk to me and…”

 

“Did he say something to you?” Otabek asked, gently holding Yuri’s face and looking at him with a serious expression.

 

“N-No. I mean… Yes, but… he was concerned about me. I just cried for a while and he…” Yuri took a deep breath and shook his head. “It was during patrol. Afterwards, I went up to the top floor and I just... I’m sorry. I should’ve gone to you…”

 

“No, baby. It’s okay. Keep going.” he encouraged

 

“I was just really tired. I was all the way up there and I just felt so tired. I didn’t want to see anybody and I didn’t know where you were… I knew if I wanted to find you I’d have to ask someone where you were but…”

 

“It’s okay. I know.” Otabek hummed. Yuri laid his head down on Otabek’s shoulder again. “I should’ve gone up to see you. You ate enough right? Drank some water?”

 

“Yeah. I just ate.” Yuri smiled slightly at Otabek’s doting.

 

“How much?” he pressed, knowing sometimes Yuri upplayed how much he ate just so Otabek wouldn’t worry.

 

“A whole can. I’m fine.”

 

“...Just one can? Babe, you were up there a whole day and a half…” Otabek muttered.

 

Yuri sighed. “I’m really not hungry anymore… I’ll eat at dinner, it’s fine.”

 

Otabek frowned. “Okay. ...Come here.” Finally, he pressed his lips to Yuri’s and kissed him softly. Yuri rested his arms on Otabek’s shoulders and he felt Otabek’s wide hands under his shirt, holding his waist firm, but gentle. He breathed into the kiss, letting all the tension bleed from his shoulders.

 

“I thought you were gonna leave me…” Yuri whispered, so quiet Otabek almost didn’t hear him.

 

“Never.” Otabek promised, kissing him again and again all over his face. Yuri sighed when Otabek mouthed at his jaw and neck, closing his eyes and stretching his neck out. He fisted his hands in Otabek’s shirt at the memory of that man biting him, but shoved it down. This was Otabek. He was safe.

 

After a couple seconds, he relaxed again, resting his forehead on Otabek’s shoulder. He was safe. Otabek would keep him safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (jj lowkey has a crush on him lmao)  
> i think otabek would honestly probably regret what he said to yuri as soon as the words left his mouth, but he wouldnt rlly know what to do yanno. and he probably thought he was giving yuri space (but yuri just felt abandoned rip)
> 
> also, i know otabek seems sort of possessive with wanting to know where yuri is all the time, but i feel like it's justified in this universe. its not that otabek doesnt trust yuri, its that he just always wants to be there in case something happens, yanno? cause shit tends to go wrong a LOT in this universe RIP
> 
> ALSO ALSO should i make a tumblr for Otayuri zombie apocalypse au? i would probably take requests for writing (and drawing) scenarios nd stuff! lmk if you'd be interested
> 
> my personal tumblr is @ abaguettewithaface if you wanna check it out ;)
> 
> more fluff is on the way. sorry for the angst train


	17. Gingerbread Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: underage drugs and alcohol, implied underage sex, implied past sexual abuse (not by otabek)

**3 months before the Turn**

 

Honestly, Otabek didn’t know  _ why _ he’d let Yuri talk him into this party. Well, no. Scratch that. He knew exactly why. He was developing a serious problem with telling Yuri no. Especially when he got to begging. Round eyes and pouty lips be damned.

 

The house was crowded with teenagers, all drunk off their asses or well on their way there. It smelled like sweat and pot and alcohol, which Otabek knew was the only reason Yuri wanted to come.

 

Otabek could hardly get through the crowd on his way inside. Yuri was following behind, clinging to his hand. He’d insisted Otabek go in first because he got through the crowd easier. Otabek recognized a few people, and some of them shouted out greetings, which they returned with lazy waves and smiles as they passed.

 

They’d been to this house many times before. It belonged to one of the guys Yuri used to get his weed from, which was one of the main reasons Otabek had been opposed to going to this party. 

 

Tommy was a guy they’d met in middle school, who got into dealing from his brother. He was a wealthy kid, never had less than a hundred bucks on his credit card. Self entitled as all hell, in Otabek’s opinion. He’d manipulated Yuri into doing a few… provocative favors… for him in exchange for weed. The other main reason Otabek didn’t like him… He was a sleazy douchebag, but Otabek would put up with him for Yuri.

 

They stopped into the kitchen to grab a couple beers before heading down into the basement where the smell of weed grew rank. Yuri inhaled deeply as they descended the stairs and Otabek huffed amusedly at him.

 

The basement was finished, though it was pretty small. There was a door leading to the backyard and a couple windows high on the wall covered by black-out curtains. The walls were a slate gray, but the furniture made up for the drabness. On one wall was Tommy’s slime green bed, on another, a flat screen TV with numerous gaming consoles, another had the bright orange couch, and the last wall was the entrance to the floor above. There were bean bags occupied by teenagers, playing what looked like some variation of Call of Duty.

 

“They’re here!” Tommy cheered from the couch he was draped over, raising a bottle and smiling that irritating smile Otabek fucking hated. A couple others greeted them as well, but most were too high or too drunk to even notice them.

 

“Hey, man.” Yuri greeted him, gently pushing Otabek to sit on the couch, opposite from the end Tommy occupied. Otabek plopped down, ass practically melting into the cushions. Yuri sat in his lap and flicked open his bottle of beer, leaning back against Otabek’s chest.

 

Yuri was tiny, and he knew Otabek had no trouble carrying his weight, so he practically used him as a chair sometimes. Otabek really didn’t mind though. Especially not when someone like Tommy was nearby. 

 

He wrapped his arms around Yuri’s small waist and narrowed his eyes at Tommy, who just snorted and shook his head, going back to nursing his beer and watching his friends play CoD.

 

It wasn’t long before Yuri was on his fifth beer and Otabek was on his second, though he didn’t plan on finishing it. Not when Yuri was drunk. Not with this crowd.

 

A drunk Yuri was… a lot to handle. To say the least. He was all giggles and flirtatious innuendos. By about midnight, the party was just getting started and there were more people than Otabek could count in the basement. Random videos played on the TV and there were at least three couples making out.

 

“Did you knooww… that I love youu?” Yuri slurred, pressing his forehead to Otabek’s cheek and pressing his body against his. Yuri’s breath smelled like alcohol but Otabek would much rather have a happy drunk Yuri than a sad drunk Yuri, so he didn’t say anything.

 

“Mhmm.” he chuckled, resting his hands on Yuri’s hips. “You’ve said it at least 4 times in the last ten minutes, baby.”

 

“But I dooooOOOooooo…” Yuri insisted. He sat up and swung one leg over so his knees were on either side of Otabek’s hips. Lazily, he reached behind him and set down his nearly empty bottle of beer before returning his attention to Otabek.

 

Otabek promptly forgot about the other two people on the couch as Yuri kissed him. He was wiggling around in his lap and caressing his face and the only thing Otabek could think about was this boy.

 

Yuri’s face was flushed, his hair messy, falling around his skinny neck. From behind, he looked very much like a girl with his long hair, thin waist, and wide hips, but the bulge in his pants definitely said otherwise. Otabek could feel himself becoming hard but the rational side of his brain knew he wouldn’t do anything with Yuri tonight. Not when he was shitfaced like this.

 

“We should get out of here.” Yuri suggested, his voice breathy and enthusiastic from the beer.

 

“Mhmm.” Otabek agreed, though they didn’t pull away for another moment. Yuri hopped off his lap and pulled him up. Otabek put his unfinished beer on the coffee table and Yuri took his hand, leading him out the back door. A couple people called out goodbye’s and goodnights and Otabek halfheartedly returned them.

 

Outside was quieter, but a few people loitered on the patio, drinking or smoking in a much more chill manner than inside. Yuri lead him to the gate to get out of the fenced yard and after a few seconds of fiddling with the latch, Otabek reached over to do it for him.

 

The car ride was short, but Yuri really wasn’t letting up. He had a hand on Otabek’s thigh, inching ever so slowly upward. He stroked up and down Otabek’s arm and kept mumbling dirty things in his ear. He knew Yuri was teasing him on purpose. Yuri knew what it did to him, and it was like provoking a bear. 

 

Otabek was out of his seat the second they reached his driveway. He had Yuri crowded against the passenger’s side door and they were kissing like mad. His hands were under Yuri’s shirt, grabbing his hips, pulling his hair just slightly like he knew Yuri liked. Yuri’s arms wrapped around Otabek’s neck, his hips slowly grinding together with Otabek’s.

 

After a couple minutes of making out, Otabek’s rational side of the brain took back over. His kisses got more soft, his hands gentler. Yuri whined because Otabek knew he liked when Otabek was rough with him. But they were getting too excited tonight. Yuri was drunk and Otabek’s parents were home anyway.

 

“Come on, pleeease…” Yuri whined, chasing Otabek’s lips when he pulled away.

 

“No, baby.” Otabek murmured. “Not tonight. Let’s get inside.” Yuri groaned in disappointment but followed his boyfriend inside. He wasn’t all that torn up about it, though, because Otabek never let anything happen when Yuri was drunk. He hadn’t been expecting this time to be any different, but his hopes had risen when Otabek pushed him up against the car…

 

Otabek saw his mom’s purse on the counter and his dad’s wallet sitting next to it, which meant they were home. The lights had been off though, so Otabek assumed they had gone to bed already. Otabek lead Yuri up to his room as quietly as he could and Yuri flopped down onto his bed.

 

“I need youuu…” Yuri whined, laying flat on his back and crossing his arms over his chest.

 

Otabek smirked from the doorway, “I’m right here.”

 

“No I need your dick…” Yuri clarified, pouting like a very inappropriate child.

 

Otabek faked an exasperated sigh, “You only love me for my dick.”

 

“Noooo! I love you!” Yuri was quick to reassure, completely sincere. He sat up on the bed and gave Otabek the saddest puppy dog eyes Otabek had ever seen. He held up his arms and made grabby hands until Otabek laid down with him.

 

They fell asleep both fully clothed, probably reeking of weed and alcohol, but Otabek couldn’t care less. Yuri had fallen asleep with a dopey smile on his face as Otabek brushed his hair with his fingers. Otabek wished he would always fall asleep happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somehow even when im trying to do fluff, angst just works its way in there????????????? sorry????
> 
> otabek is such a good boyf honestly. we all need an otabek in our lives


	18. Slow Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: gore, small panic attack, implied pedophilia, (justified???) murder

“Yuri.” Otabek whispered. He smiled down fondly at the sleeping boy on his chest. Gently, he shook him, being careful not to startle him.

 

“Hmm?” Yuri hummed, arms wrapping around Otabek a little tighter.

 

“Babe, gotta get up.” Otabek poked his cheek and Yuri let out a sleepy whine. “Come on.”

 

“But I’m tired…”

 

“Mm. I know. You can sleep in when we get back from Swisher.” he promised. Reluctantly, Yuri sat up.

 

“Gimme kiss.” he murmured, eyes still closed. Otabek chuckled and obliged.

 

“Alright. Come on. Up we go.” Otabek stood and hauled Yuri to his feet.

 

It wasn’t long before they were all fed and standing in front of the powerplant. Yuri leaned into Otabek’s side, not really paying attention to conversation because he was still half asleep. He’d stayed awake much of the night after Otabek had fallen asleep, just thinking and basking in Otabek’s warmth.

 

“Everyone ready to go?” Viktor asked as he walked down the steps to them.

 

“Yep!” JJ grinned.

 

“Mhm.” Mila hummed, and swung her body up and over the side of the truck, landing with a thump in the bed of it.

 

“Alright. Hop in then.” Viktor said, and made for the driver’s side door. Yuri hopped up onto the tailgate and sat on his calves. He closed the tailgate after Otabek and JJ, who both seemed to want to sit as close to him as possible, allowing Mila to sit with her legs stretched out against the back window.

 

The ride was bumpy until they got to the main road. The sight of all the walker’s dead bodies shoved to the side of the road was morbid, but it was also a reminder of what he could do.

 

“So, how did you two meet?” JJ asked, balancing his rifle on his knee by the barrel. It was an innocent question, Yuri supposed.

 

“It was before the apocalypse.” Otabek answered, and rested a hand on the inside of Yuri’s thigh. “We grew up together.”

 

“Really? How did you get together then?”

 

“Um.” Yuri spoke. “Well… He just kissed me one night and… that was that I guess?” He covered Otabek’s hand with his own.

 

“What about you two?” Otabek asked, changing the subject subtly. “You two have any uh… anyone?”

 

Mila scoffed, “Nope. Especially not when half the camp thinks JJ’s my boyfriend. But…” she smirked at JJ. “JJ has a crush on someone new every week!”

 

“No I don’t! You’re exaggerating!” JJ yelled, leaning forward with a grumpy look on his face.

 

“Oh yeah… I guess the last two weeks have been only one person.” Mila feigned consideration.

 

“Mila I swear to God! Don’t-”

 

“Relax, relax! I’m not gonna spill your deepest darkest secrets. Don’t worry.”

 

“...With you I always worry.” JJ muttered.

 

“Aw thanks.”

 

“You know that’s not how I meant that.”

 

Then, the two dissolved into bickering, and Yuri really couldn’t follow it. He and Otabek exchanged amused glances as they watched.

 

“Oni prepirayutsya, kak staraya supruzheskaya para.” (They bicker like an old married couple.) Yuri whispered.

 

“Neudivitel'no, chto vse dumayut, chto oni vmeste.” (It’s no wonder everyone thinks they’re together.) Otabek whispered back, but Mila and JJ were too busy arguing to notice the couple talking about them in Russian.

 

Their first stop was at a house on the outskirts of town. It was a nice house, clearly used to be well maintained judging by the lack of very much damage on it. The grass was untrimmed and brushed against Yuri’s calves. Otabek walked beside him as they approached the front door with a finger through one of Yuri’s belt loops.

 

The driveway had been empty and the door was unlocked. Things were thrown about, like the homeowner had left in a hurry. His mood dropped slightly when he remembered how his own house must look like this.

 

They checked the house for walkers and found none. Yuri hadn’t expected to anyway, since it was obvious whoever lived here had left in a hurry before they turned.

 

The kitchen was pretty well stocked. It had cans of food and even a couple boxes of crackers that were miraculously not expired yet. He was going through cans lazily, his gun holstered and his guard down.

 

“Yura!” Otabek called from the other room, and Yuri startled. He dropped the can on the tile floor and rushed into the living room.

 

“Chto?” (what?) he asked as he realized nothing was happening. He deflated when he saw Otabek crouching on the ground in front of the entertainment center, digging through movies of all things.

 

“I found our favorite movie, babe.” Otabek grinned. Yuri gawked at him for a second before smiling so fondly at him, because even in the apocalypse, his boyfriend still went out of his way to be sweet to him.

 

“Really?” he breathed, and crouched down next to him. Otabek held up the case for Spirited Away proudly, and handed it to him. “How are we gonna watch it?”

 

“Once we get more established at Klinger, we can have movie nights!” Katsuki suggested as he walked through the living room with a bag filled with towels and clothes.

 

“Oh my God, Beka. It can be just like before. When we would lay on your bed and watch movies all night…” he reminisced, fondly. Otabek was looking at him like he was the world, and Yuri couldn’t deny he loved it.

 

“And you’d talk through them the entire time, but it was okay ‘cause I liked listening to your voice more than the actual movie…” Otabek added wistfully. Yuri rested his head on Otabek’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “We just need to find some popcorn. We could make it over a fire…” Otabek offered.

 

“That sounds amazing...”

 

“It’s a date then.”

 

“We haven’t gone on a date in so long…”

 

“We’ll have dinner and a movie.” Otabek smiled. He kissed Yuri’s cheek and stood, walking away to help gather supplies. Yuri sat there for a moment with a small smile before returning to the kitchen.

 

It wasn’t long before everything was packed into the truck and Viktor announced they’d do one more house, and then he would drop everything off at Klinger, then come back and continue scavenging.

 

The next house was maybe a quarter mile down the road. It looked like this one was the one that owned all the farmland in the area, judging by all the machinery littered around the huge yard, the barn and silo. There were two trucks parked on what had once probably been a dirt driveway, but was now grassy just like everything else. When they got closer, they realized the windows had been boarded up from the inside and the door was locked.

 

Viktor put his ear to the door. “I don’t hear anything…” he observed. “Otabek, can you pick the lock?”

 

Otabek nodded dutifully and Yuri pulled a hair pin out of his hair and handed it to him. He crouched down on one knee and began working on it.

 

“How do you know how to do that?” JJ asked, suspiciously.

 

Otabek eyed him before answering. “Yuri’s parents were a bit overprotective.” JJ pursed his lips but didn’t say anything else. He just shared a look with Mila that Yuri didn’t know how to interpret.

 

Katsuki tried to open the door again, but it wouldn’t budge. “There must be something blocking it from the inside.” he reported.

 

Yuri stepped off the porch and took another look at the house. “Hey, the second floor windows aren’t boarded up.” he said.

 

Everyone looked, and Viktor nodded his approval at him. “We need to find a way to get up there, then.”

 

“We could park the truck next to the porch and use it as a boost?” Mila offered.

 

“Just what I was thinking.” Viktor grinned and got into the truck. Once it was in position, it was fairly easy to get up. Viktor and JJ went first, putting Katsuki and Mila in charge of watching the truck.

 

Otabek crouched on the roof and helped Yuri up as Viktor prepared to break a window. He wrapped his fist in cloth before punching it. The sound was pretty loud, as there wasn’t much wind that day.

 

Viktor peaked in before climbing through. He held up a hand for them to wait because the room he was in was pretty small. It would’ve been easy to trip over each other if there were walkers on the other side of the door.

 

Yuri climbed in after JJ. The room was a bedroom, a really small one. It looked like a girl’s bedroom, judging by all the flower patterns and country themed decor. Viktor and JJ ventured out into the hallway and Yuri followed after Otabek was in.

 

“Stay behind me, baby.” Otabek warned. Yuri allowed Otabek to go into the hallway first, but followed closely behind with his 9mm ready. He checked a closet and noted that there wasn’t anything of use in it. Some nail polish, plastic bags, a bunch of electronic cords and wires Yuri had no idea what they were for.

 

The house was vacant on the top floor. Almost everything of use had been taken, presumably by whoever owned this house. Viktor went first down the stairs, then JJ, Otabek, and Yuri.

 

Yuri’s footsteps were light. He’d always been light on his feet and knew how to avoid making wooden floors creak from sneaking around his parents. But he cringed every time JJ or Viktor made the floor creak.

 

“God… what’s that smell?” JJ complained, and Yuri frowned. It smelled like death down here. He wasn’t eager to find the source.

 

The ground floor was fairly empty as well, so Yuri guessed there must be a cellar or basement. Viktor went for the front door. It had a chair pushed under the handle. Maybe the owner was still here after all. They’d need to get in and out without locking themselves out.

 

“Everything alright in there?” Mila asked after Viktor opened the front door.

 

“I think so. Do me a favor, check around the back of the house for a cellar.” Viktor said, and Mila nodded before going off to do what he said. He turned back to JJ, Otabek, and Yuri. “Check the house, take anything useful.” Then, he walked out the door towards Katsuki.

 

Yuri didn’t wait for JJ and Otabek to start. He looked around for a second before beginning to rifle through the end table drawers, cabinets of the entertainment center and coffee table. As expected, he didn’t find anything other than movies, books, games, and other miscellaneous stuff he had no use for. He moved on to the bathroom then, as JJ and Otabek had fanned out to the kitchen and bedrooms.

 

The smell was much stronger in the bathroom, and he pulled a face as he entered. It was picked clean. There was no soap, no towels, no toilet paper or even toothbrushes. Anything useful had been taken. The mirror was grimey and dusty, but he could see himself in it.

 

He took one look at himself and decided he looked like shit so there was no use examining himself. The toilet water was all dried up, and thankfully there was nothing in it. The cabinet above the toilet was empty except for some hair products and jewelry.

 

The shower curtain made a cringey scraping sound as he yanked it back. In the bathtub laid a mass of bodies. This wasn’t apart from the norm of daily life, but what set it apart was just how… young… they were. And how _fresh_ they were… They were all kids and teenagers, some younger than Yuri himself. Boys and girls alike. They were mostly nude, too. They’d been thrown in there carelessly, their bodies contorted, broken, cut up to fit in such a small space. He couldn’t tell how many there were. At least five or six. There was blood everywhere. None of them had turned into walkers… They’d been killed…

 

“Shit!” he gasped and threw himself back against the counter, covering his mouth. He fought the urge to vomit, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the sight. He pressed himself into the corner between the counter and the wall, knocking over bottles of hairspray and a curling iron in his wake.

 

He was breathing heavily when Otabek rushed in from the hallway, having heard the ruckus he made. “Baby?” Otabek breathed, but then he saw the bathtub. He gaped at it for a second, before carefully putting himself between Yuri and the terrible sight.

 

Yuri buried his face in Otabek’s chest as he was lead out of the bathroom. Otabek closed the door behind them and held Yuri on the opposite end of the hallway. He crowded Yuri against the wall, holding him tight and hushing him as his mind ran a mile a minute.

 

“W-What… kind of person…?” Yuri cried, feeling selfish fear well up inside him. His mind was running a mile a minute, thinking of just who had put those bodies there. Someone lived here. Or nearby. Close enough to use this place as a dumping ground for… He couldn’t finish that thought. He felt his skin crawl and his breaths become short and rapid. His neck itched, right in the spot Yuri vividly remembered that man biting him.

 

“Shh. Baby, it’s okay. I… You’re okay, I… I’ll protect you, just…” Otabek was at a loss for words. He looked back helplessly at JJ, who had just appeared in the doorway.

 

“What happened?” JJ asked, worriedly. He made to step forward, but must have thought better of it and kept his distance.

 

“Don’t go in the bathroom.” Otabek said, petting Yuri’s hair in an attempt to calm him down a little. It didn’t seem to be helping very much, but he didn’t stop. Yuri couldn’t do anything but cling to him for dear life. It felt like the rug had been suddenly pulled out from under him, and he was falling. Except the panic wasn’t going away. He just kept falling. That feeling of ‘oh shit!’ wasn’t going away.

 

“Why…? What’s in there?” JJ muttered, moving to open the door. Otabek let him, but shielded Yuri with his own body so he couldn’t see that view again. “Holy shit!”

 

“Yeah… Shut the damn door!” Otabek grumbled. JJ hurried to do so, and shoved a chair under the door handle for good measure. Yuri was breathing uneven still, but had stopped crying. “Baby…?”

 

“I’m okay.” Yuri breathed, but his shaking told Otabek he really wasn’t.

 

“Let’s ahh… Let’s go outside, okay?” he mumbled, leading Yuri past the bathroom and out the front door. JJ stared after them with a worried frown as they left.

 

The stench was gone outside, and the couple sat on the tailgate of the truck. Katsuki was the only one out there, but he took one glance at the traumatized look on Yuri’s face and kept his distance.

 

The sun was going down, casting the world in an orange glow and elongating their shadows. Otabek hated the thought of making Yuri sleep here, but he wasn’t sure Viktor would appreciate going back early for something like this unless they found more supplies to fill up the truck.

 

So he just held Yuri and prayed they wouldn't find that cellar they were looking for. He whispered sweet nothings into Yuri’s ear, rubbing up and down his arms as Yuri took deep breaths.

 

After a minute, Katsuki timidly walked up to them. “What’d you guys see in there?” he asked softly, looking between them with concerned eyes. Yuri couldn’t look at him, and shrunk into himself in shame.

 

Otabek looked towards Yuri and shook his head. “You should… ask JJ…”

 

“Where is it?” Katsuki asked instead.

 

“...The bathroom. But you shouldn’t look at it.”

 

Katsuki shrugged and shook his head. “Gotta know what we’re dealing with. Watch the truck.” Then he walked away. Otabek sighed, kissed Yuri’s cheek, and stood up in the bed of the truck. He perched himself on the cab of the truck and kept his eyes peeled.

 

Yuri scooted to lean against the indent of the wheel. He pulled his knees up to his chest and curled into a tight ball. Otabek frowned at the sight of him. He looked so _small_.

 

It wasn’t long before Viktor and Mila made their way back to the truck. “Anything?” Otabek asked as the two approached.

 

“Yeah.” Viktor grunted as he hopped up onto the tailgate. He frowned at Yuri, but continued. “There’s a cellar. Locked from the inside. I think there’s someone down there.”

 

At this, Yuri stopped breathing. He nearly gave himself whiplash for how fast he snapped his head up to look at Otabek. His eyes were wide and red rimmed. He clutched his 9mm even tighter in his left hand.

 

Otabek took a deep breath and shook his head. “Uhhhh…”

 

“What?”

 

“Maybe we shouldn’t go down there…” he advised.

 

“Why? Maybe they’re friendly.” Viktor said, hopefully.

 

“...I don’t think so.” Otabek frowned. “Go check the bathroom. Or don’t. You might not want to see it.”

 

Viktor looked at him curiously before hopping off the truck and going inside. Mila followed him. Otabek put himself on high guard since Viktor said he thought someone was down there.

 

Yuri sat on the cab with him, not liking the distance between them. He really wanted to go back to the plant. What if there was a pedophile down there? A necrophile? A murderer? A rapist? What else would they find down there? Yuri didn’t want to know, honestly. Otabek stroked up and down his back soothingly as they waited for Viktor to come back.

 

Only about two minutes passed before Viktor, Katsuki, JJ, and Mila all returned from the house. Viktor frowned and tapped his foot in thought.

 

“Is it even worth whatever we might find down there?” Mila asked, distraught. _No._ Yuri very aggressively thought they should leave. They should’ve left the moment they found the damn bodies!

 

“Whoever it is must know we’re here. We weren’t exactly quiet in there…” JJ muttered.

 

“Maybe the world would be better off if we killed the fucker…” Mila breathed. _It would._

 

Viktor pursed his lips and shook his head. “Yuuri, JJ, Otabek, and I will go. Plisetsky and Mila, watch the truck.” he ordered.

 

Yuri sucked in a breath and grabbed Otabek’s arm before he could stop himself. He didn’t want to be separated from him. Especially not right now!

 

Otabek frowned but he knew it would be stupid to argue. He understood Viktor’s reasoning. Now that the person knew they were there, they couldn’t leave without risking being tracked. Mila and Yuri were the most disturbed, so it made sense they wouldn’t go down there.

 

Yuri looked up with a skeptical expression on his face. He didn’t want to go down there, but he didn’t want to leave Otabek to do it without him! Otabek must have sensed his unease at their separation, because he crouched down next to Yuri.

 

“We’ll be okay. We won’t be long, alright?” he tried. Yuri just gaped at him, but took a deep breath and nodded.

 

“If you die I’ll kill you.” Yuri declared, making Otabek crack a smile.

 

“I’ll hold you to that.” he said, caressing Yuri’s face as he stood. “Will you be okay?”

 

“I’ll be fine.” Yuri muttered.

 

“We’ll be back soon.” Otabek kissed his lips and pulled away, hopping down from the truck with a grunt. Yuri watched the back of his head until they disappeared behind the house. Then he checked his gun and forced himself to focus on keeping watch over the truck.

 

Mila jumped up onto the truck and scanned the countryside around them. “This whole place is givin’ me the heebie jeebies now…” she muttered.

 

“Me too.” he said. “It’s disgusting.”

 

“Part of me wants to leave right now. Part of me wants to burn this fucking house down. They were just kids...” Mila continued, pacing back and forth in the bed of the truck.

 

“We should’ve left the second we found the bodies.”

 

“I hope they don’t find anyone in there. And if they do, I hope they put a bullet right between their eyes. If Viktor doesn’t, I fucking will.” she declared.

 

“Good.” Yuri muttered.

 

~~~

 

Otabek checked his rifle and held it ready as they neared the back of the house. The cellar door was on the left side of the house, nearly hidden by the untrimmed grass all around it.

 

“I banged on it pretty loud trying to open it. Think I scared him.” Viktor laughed. “So he definitely knows we’re here.”

 

“Can probably hear us from in there, huh?” JJ knocked on the wood of the door. “Sounds pretty thin.”

 

“Maybe we should just wait for him to come out…” Katsuki suggested, giving a tight frown to the door.

 

“Nah. Who knows how much food’s in there? Could take weeks.” Viktor vetoed.

 

“Why don’t we just take an ax to it or something?” Otabek offered. “If the guy was friendly, he would’ve opened up already… Or said something. He’s probably gonna be hostile once we get in there.”

 

“True.” Viktor said. “Hon, go check the shed for something to break through.” Katsuki nodded and walked off towards the shed. It was falling apart, and probably had been since before the Turn. Otabek doubted there would be anything in there, considering the rest of the place was picked clean.

 

When Katsuki returned with nothing, JJ exhaled, and stepped up to the cellar door. He bent over real close and harshly knocked on the wood. “Whoever’s in there… OPEN UP!!! We’re coming in one way or another!” he yelled. Immediately, Otabek heard a thunk, as if whoever inside had been startled.

 

“Shit.” he heard, muffled from the other side of the door. “Fine! I’ll open up…” He exchanged glances with JJ before they all stood back and held their guns at the ready. There was the sound of wood scraping against wood and the clanging of the lock being undone. “Come in.”

 

Katsuki stood behind the door as he opened it slowly. Otabek was preparing himself for the worst, but it looked rather normal for a base. Shelves lined the room, stocked with food and supplies. A generator was running in the corner, powering light bulbs hanging from the ceiling and a fan. A messy twin bed was in one corner and a hallway was covered by a dirty brown curtain. There were suspicious stains on the concrete floor.

 

The man stood in the middle of the room with his hands up. He was middle aged, balding, and had bad posture. Otabek took a single step forward, his gun pointed directly at the man’s head. “H-Hey! Easy there!” the man said nervously.

 

“Who are you?” Viktor asked. Otabek wondered if he was purposely emphasizing his Russian accent for intimidation.

 

“M-My name is Emit. Who, who are you?”

 

Viktor narrowed his eyes at the man as he went down the steps. Katsuki followed right behind. “Is it just you here?” Katsuki asked.

 

“I- Yes. J-Just me. Why? Who are you?”

 

“Some neighbors.” Viktor answered. Otabek went down the stairs next, leaving JJ to keep an eye out above the cellar door. Viktor nodded at Otabek and began looking around the place. Katsuki carefully looked around too, but Otabek never lowered his gun from the man’s face. “This is a nice place you’ve got here. We were just upstairs…”

 

“You- You were?”

 

“Yes. We’re going to look around. Make any sudden movements and you’ll be dead before you hit the ground.” Viktor warned, menacingly.

 

Emit gulped and nodded shakily.

 

“How long have you been down here?” Katsuki asked as Viktor disappeared behind the curtain.

 

“Not long!” he answered, suspiciously quickly. “I found it a bit ago. M-Maybe a few weeks.” Otabek and Katsuki shared a look. The bodies in the bathroom had been put there over a long period of time. The newest looking one couldn’t have been more than a couple days...

 

“You seem awful nervous.” Katsuki observed, coldly.

 

“W-Well. There’s a gun to my head and strangers in my home. Of course I am!”

 

“Are you aware of the many children’s bodies in the bathtub upstairs?” Katsuki asked.

 

The man’s face paled. “Those- Those are… They were there when I-”

 

“Sure they were.” Katsuki interrupted. He got up in Emit’s face, and even though he was shorter than the man, Emit all but cowered in front of him. “I have half a mind to just shoot you right now. I don’t want anyone like you anywhere near my group. But sadly, that’s not my call to make.”

 

“I- I’m not… I didn’t put those bodies up there!” the man exclaimed.

 

“Keep it down. You’ll attract walkers!” JJ called from outside.

 

“Then who did?” Katsuki asked.

 

“I d-don’t know! Someone… dumped them there! That- That’s why I boarded up the windows! So nobody else would come in!” Emit insisted.

 

Katsuki took a deep breath and stepped back. He busied himself with throwing the blankets off the man’s bed. He moved the pillows, revealing a little switchblade. Katsuki pocketed it, not caring that Emit was watching.

 

Viktor came back a second later. He was tense as he walked right up to the man, aimed his pistol on his forehead, and pulled the trigger. Viktor’s expression was… strange. He seemed angry and confused at the same time. Otabek tried to go past the curtain but Viktor caught his arm. “Don’t.” he said.

 

Otabek frowned, but obeyed. Viktor told JJ to bring the truck around back so they could take everything down here. When Otabek went back up the steps, he saw the sun had already gone down.

 

~~~

 

Yuri gasped when he heard the gunshot. He and Mila shared a worried look as they listened for more, but none came. Instead, JJ was walking back to the truck. He didn’t seem shaken up, just a little frustrated maybe.

 

“Everything okay?” Yuri asked, worriedly.

 

“Yeah. Viktor shot the creep.” he replied. “Now we’re gonna take his shit.” Yuri didn’t wait for a dismissal. As JJ got into the truck, he was jogging to the back of the house. He saw Otabek just stepping out from the cellar.

 

“Hey.” Otabek greeted, leaning down to embrace him and kiss his hair.

 

“What happened?” he asked, peaking past Otabek into the cellar. He couldn’t see much given the angle, but he could see part of a man’s shoulder and arm, laying on the concrete floor.

 

“I dunno exactly. Viktor checked in the back and… when he came back, he just shot the guy point blank.”

 

“Why?” Yuri breathed. Viktor didn’t seem like the type to do something that impulsive. It must have been really bad...

 

“Viktor wouldn’t let me go back and see.” Otabek shrugged. “Something tells me I don’t want to know anyway.” Yuri frowned and followed Otabek inside the cellar. “Lots of supplies, though.”

 

Katsuki was going through things on the shelves, and Viktor was talking quietly with him. Yuri glanced at the man laying in the middle of the floor. He… He just looked like a normal guy. He looked like any random person you’d see in a grocery store. Something about that disturbed Yuri even more.

 

When JJ came in carrying broken down boxes from the truck, they got to work packing everything up. Viktor was careful not to let anyone go in the back except Katsuki, who came back out pale as a ghost and agreeing wholeheartedly that the younger members of the group shouldn’t see it.

 

Yuri honestly just wanted to go back to Klinger. He wanted to sleep for a long time. He was tired, yet unable to calm his nerves. He hoped he would be able to relax once they got back.

 

There ended up being so many things that they were practically hanging off the side of the truck. They left small areas to stick their feet between the boxes and bags, and used the ladder holders to keep them from losing balance. Viktor, JJ, and Mila rode up front. Katsuki was too nice not to offer his own seat up front.

 

It was only a 20 minute drive though, so Yuri didn’t complain. He probably could’ve fit between the boxes anyway because he was so small, but he didn’t. He sat on the side of the truck, both hands grasping the ladder rack, feet wedged between boxes of canned food.

 

Katsuki tried to make conversation, but Yuri didn’t feel like talking. He never did when he was in a mood. So Otabek spoke for him with short answers until Katsuki finally got the message. He felt bad for being so rude to him, but he didn’t know what he could say that would make him understand. So he settled for silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to put more fluff in there but its still super angsty dw
> 
> also i used google translate for the russian so... sorry if i got it wrong???
> 
> also also the song title is completely irrelevant. its just what i was listening to when i wrote the chapter *shrug*


	19. Walking The Wire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna stop putting trigger warnings. if you've made it this far, i believe in you

They got back to see that the group had made some progress on construction around the power plant, just as Christophe had promised. There was a makeshift gate made of scraps of wood and metal, and the front of the chain link fence had been reinforced. A firepit was in the middle of the parking lot, big enough that multiple things could be cooking at once. Cars were in the process of being moved to line the inside of the fences and act as barricades for possible attacks.

 

Viktor parked the truck right inside the gate and immediately, people began unloading. Viktor hopped out of the truck and pocketed the keys. JJ and Mila got out from the other door, but Viktor wasn’t paying attention to them. He caught a glance at Yurio and Otabek sneaking away from the crowd surrounding the truck and frowned.

 

He really hoped that kid was alright. With everything he’d been through… he deserved a break. Viktor knew Yurio didn’t truly trust him yet, and honestly, Viktor had never had a problem connecting with the kids he taught. But, most of the kids who bothered to strike up a conversation with their gym teacher were the kids he coached in football, baseball, or soccer. The more outgoing, sporty types. Yurio was most definitely not outgoing or sporty. He seemed like he would gladly become a recluse if he had the option.

 

Otabek had told him Yurio had always been quiet. Even when they were younger, he said, Yuri was always the more reserved one unless they were alone.

 

Viktor watched silently as the couple retreated inside the plant. Yuuri was helping unload the truck already as Viktor leaned against the truck and waited for Christophe to find him.

 

“Vik!” Chris greeted. “Good run, man.”

 

“Thanks. Raided some guy’s basement.”

 

“What? Who?” Chris asked. “Was he there?”

 

“He uh… He had some pretty fucked up shit going on. He’s dead now.” Viktor answered, frowning but showing no sign of regret. That man was despicable. Viktor had always been someone who loved children, wanted to protect them, wanted to keep them safe and happy. It was the whole reason he’d wanted to become a teacher! Children were the future of the world, and someone needed to get them there. Viktor wanted to be that person.

 

“Do I want to know?”

 

“Probably not but I’ll tell you anyway. He was a pedophile. Maybe a necrophile. World’s better off without him.”

 

“Damn.”

 

“Yeah. Had to be done though. I don’t want scum like that anywhere near our group.”

 

“Agreed. You did the right thing.” Chris assured, before changing the subject. “We’ve got the armory and pantry organized. Someone on watch and keeping a record at all times. We’re assigning bedrooms on the second floor and Phichit’s been looking into getting some showers going.”

 

“Shit. A shower sounds amazing.” Viktor sighed. “Good work. How are we doing on food?”

 

“We have enough to last a few weeks, even more now with all the food you just brought.”

 

“Water?”

 

“Oh! Got some people filtering the water from the river. They’re using a van to haul some tubs back and forth.”

 

“Good. How’s our armory looking?”

 

“Running a bit low on ammo, but it shouldn’t be a problem yet. As long as we try to conserve and find some more soon.”

 

“Good. Encounter any problems while we were gone?”

 

“Uh… Well, sort of?” Chris frowned. “There’s someone that wants to see you. The guy just showed up outside our gates a couple hours ago”

 

“What? Where is he?” Viktor asked, immediately more alert.

 

“He’s being kept in a room on the second floor. He seems pretty harmless but we’ve assigned someone outside the door anyway.” Chris said. “I’ll take you to him.”

 

“Yuuri!” Viktor called.

 

“What?” Yuuri asked, grunting from handing boxes down from the bed of the truck.

 

“We’ve got to meet someone.”

 

“Who?” Yuri hopped to the ground and brushed off his pants.

 

“His name is Leo.” Chris said, helpfully. He began leading the two into the power plant. “He said he has a small group. He didn’t want to bring the entire group so he volunteered to check this place out by himself.”

 

“Sounds… humble?” Viktor offered. “How small is a small group?”

 

“I don’t know. He didn’t say.”

 

“What do they call themselves?” Yuuri asked.

 

“Said the group was so small, they never thought about giving themselves a name.” Chris answered. 

 

The second floor hallway had been cleaned, finally, and there were a few people carrying bedding, small shelves or racks, and anything else that might be useful, down from the higher floors. Viktor sidestepped out of the way of one woman carrying a table that looked about ready to crush her. 

 

“He’s in here.” Chris said, stopping in front of a door at the end of the hallway. There was a man sitting backwards on a desk chair beside the door, reading a book. He nodded at Viktor but respectfully declined to strike up conversation.

 

“Thanks.” Viktor said. Chris nodded and walked away. 

 

Opening the door, Viktor saw a young man sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. At the sound of the creaky door, Leo jumped up to his feet, looking at the two expectantly. 

 

“Hello. My name is Viktor. This is Yuuri.” he introduced. “I hear your name is Leo?”

 

“Yes. Are you the one in charge of this place?”

 

“Yuuri and I are in charge.” Viktor took an exaggerated look around the room. “Let’s get out of this room. It’s sort of dingy isn’t it?”

 

“That’d be great.” Leo smiled. Viktor held the door for him and lead them downstairs. “This is quite the place you’ve got here. Just settling in?”

 

“Yeah. We just found this place and already there’s so much potential!”

 

“There’s children running around. Playing, like they should be. You know what that tells me?” Leo asked, smiling.

 

“What does that tell you?” Viktor narrowed his eyes.

 

“That this place is safe enough for kids to be kids. This is type of place I want my group to be. I’ve been with them since the beginning.”

 

“You seem very loyal to your group.” Viktor commented. He was relieved Leo wasn’t being shady.

 

“I am. I imagine you don’t just welcome strangers into a community like this.” Leo guessed.

 

“Well. I like to think we’re very open. But if you want to join us, we’ll have to interview you. Make sure you’re not dangerous or anything.”

 

“That’s understandable…” Leo hummed. “Are you… accepting people? Right now?”

 

“Man, it’s not like we’re hiring for a job. We’ll accept anyone as long as they’re willing to work and help the group. If you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Yuuri said.

 

“Do you have something to hide?” Viktor asked.

 

“No. I just… I want to bring my group somewhere they can survive for a long time. I need to know if that place, is here.”

 

“Well, we can’t very well just let you leave after you’ve seen the inside of our camp.” Viktor mused, and Leo’s face paled. “We’ve had some bad encounters with bad people. I’m sure you’re not bad but on the off chance that you are… One of us will go with you to bring your group. If that person doesn’t come back, with or without your group, we will know something happened.”

 

“...Who would go with me?” Leo asked slowly. He crossed his arms and shifted his weight on his feet. The trio had stopped near the entrance of the powerplant, just out of the way of the main line of traffic. Viktor leaned against the wall, feeling a sense of security despite the stranger next to him.

 

“Hmm. Phichit?” he tried.

 

“No, he needs to be here.” Yuuri said. “Christophe?”

 

“Mh. Chris can go.” Viktor agreed.

 

“That blond guy from earlier?” Leo asked. 

 

“Yeah. You’ll have to stay the night. You’ll leave in the morning.”

 

~~~

 

Yuri liked it better when everyone was sleeping in one room. There was more white noise. He could move around without the fear of waking other people up with his shuffling. He felt like every time he moved a muscle, the blanket rustled. The slight movement of his breathing sounded louder with his ear pressed against the fabric of Otabek’s shirt. He felt like even his blinking was making some kind of noise.

 

They’d been assigned the same room as Viktor, strangely. Most of the ‘leaders’ of Klinger slept in the same room, so Yuri was confused why he and Otabek were assigned there. Viktor and Katsuki slept somewhere in the middle of the room, Christophe and Phichit on their other side. 

 

JJ and Mila were right beside him, but he had his back to them. He could hear their soft breathing, and knew they were asleep. Christophe and Viktor were talking quietly, but he couldn’t make out their words. Nobody else seemed worried about how much noise they were making, but he couldn’t help his anxiety.

 

Waking up his parents had always meant being yelled at or worse, so he always tried to be as quiet as possible. He never went into their room, ever. Never went into the living room when his dad was napping. He even avoided the hallway outside their bedroom at night, going as far as to deny himself food and water for fear of waking them up.

 

What if he needed a drink? What if he had to pee? What if he needed to get up or reposition himself? He was practically holding his breath. He felt intensely vulnerable with his back to the room, and wished he’d laid down the other way. At least then he could see everyone else… He didn’t want to move now though. That would draw attention.

 

He carefully took a deep breath, making sure not to be too loud. His entire body was tense and he couldn’t relax. He didn’t get much sleep that night.

 

~~~

 

He heard the exact moment Phichit woke up. It was just barely light out. The room, that he could see, was grey with natural light coming through the windows. There was no view of the sun, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see the sky was cloudless.

 

He heard some rustling, some footsteps, and the door opening and closing again. Yuri didn’t make any move to indicate he was awake.

 

It felt like seconds later when Viktor woke up. He definitely had no regard for anyone else who was sleeping, because he yawned loudly and groaned as he stretched. Within 15 minutes, everyone else was awake.

 

He glanced back and saw Viktor, Katsuki, and Christophe talking quietly on their bed mats. JJ was pulling a shirt on over his head and pulling his boots on. Mila just sat with a bleary expression on her face, burrito-ed in her blanket.

 

He gazed up to Otabek, who was still asleep. He smiled and brought a hand up to his cheek, feeling his stubble.

 

“What?” Otabek mumbled, his voice deep and gruff from sleep. He shifted slightly and pulled Yuri closer with an arm draped over his hip.

 

“Nothing.” Yuri whispered, letting his hand drop from Otabek’s cheek to rest on his chest.

 

Otabek hummed and slowly opened his eyes. “What time is it?”

 

“Around 5am.” JJ grunted from behind him. Something in his tone struck Yuri as frustrated, but maybe that was just his morning attitude? 

 

“Why are you guys up so _ early _ ?” Otabek mumbled, burying his face in Yuri’s neck, practically lying on top of the smaller boy. Yuri automatically brought a hand up to card his fingers through Otabek’s hair, and he hummed appreciatively.

 

JJ exhaled, “Just ‘cause we have a roof over our heads doesn’t mean we’re safe to just lounge around in bed all day.” 

 

Yuri went still as Otabek lifted his head to glare at JJ, showing off the dark bags under his eyes that made him look more angry than he actually felt. “The sun’s  _ barely _ up.”

 

“Walkers don’t wait for the sun to rise.” JJ muttered.

 

“Stay up all night being paranoid then.” Otabek grumbled.

 

“Beka-” Yuri tried.

 

JJ scoffed, “I think we have a pretty damn good reason to be paranoid.”

 

“You don’t have to be an asshole about it though.” Otabek reminded him helpfully.

 

“ _ I’m _ the asshole?”

 

“ **Shut up!** ” Mila yelled, making Yuri flinch. “You two can argue about whose dick is bigger in private. You’re ruining everyone’s morning.”

 

Otabek narrowed his eyes at JJ before letting his face fall back into Yuri’s neck. He was too tired for this anyway. JJ huffed. Viktor and Chris snorted at their bickering but otherwise, the topic was dropped.

 

He was glad when JJ stood up and walked out of the room a couple seconds later. 

 

“You could’ve been nicer.” Yuri whispered, his breath warm against Otabek’s ear.

 

“He made you cry.” Otabek murmured.

 

“He didn’t  _ make  _ me cry…! I was... “ he took a deep breath. “It wasn’t his fault.”

 

“Still don’t like him.” Otabek said quietly, tightening his arms around Yuri.

 

Yuri sighed, “Just try to be nice?”

 

“Okay.” Otabek said, noncommittally. He was usually not one for instigating conflict, but JJ had been giving both him and Yuri weird looks since they joined the group. He didn’t like it one bit.

 

~~~

 

“Hey.” Yuri smiled as he sat on the steps of the fire escape beside his boyfriend. Ironically, it had become their normal meeting place as of late. They were only on the first set of steps, but it was somewhat out of the way of things and nobody really bothered them. 

 

Otabek greeted him with a kiss and wrapped an arm around his back. “How was patrol?” Otabek asked.

 

“It was okay. JJ’s still being weird.”

 

“Weird how?”

 

“Weird like… I dunno. He’s just being all passive aggressive. After like 20 minutes I just stopped talking to him.”

 

“Mmh. Maybe he’s just peeved from this morning.” Otabek offered, leaning his elbow back on the step behind them.

 

“I wasn’t even involved with that, though…” Yuri pouted. “I just felt like I was walking on eggshells all day…”

 

“Babe…” Otabek murmured, resting his cheek on Yuri’s shoulder. He spoke his next words hesitantly. “Just because he was in a bad mood today doesn’t mean he’ll hurt you.”

 

“I know.” Yuri muttered, frowning at his boots. “I just- I don’t like when people are mad.”

 

“Mmh.” Otabek hummed. “I’m tired.”

 

“Didn’t sleep well?” Yuri asked, thoughtfully. He’d been awake most of the night, so he knew Otabek had slept all night.

 

“I slept fine, just worn out. I was out with Phichit working on the walls.” 

 

“Oh. Did you eat anything yet?” Yuri doted, bringing a hand up to Otabek’s hair and scratching his scalp like he knew he liked. 

 

“Yeah. Someone brought us lunch.” he hummed. “You eat?”

 

“Yeah.” he said. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast, but he wasn’t hungry. He knew if he said no, Otabek would make him get up and eat something.

 

Otabek sat up straighter and kissed him softly, humming in contentment. Yuri caressed his face and he did the same to Yuri’s thigh. He giggled as he found himself being pulled into his boyfriend’s lap by hands under his thighs.

 

His knees knocked against the metal railing but he was too absorbed in Otabek to care. Otabek’s hands were cold and sent shivers up his spine as they found their way under his flannel.

 

They made out for a while and Yuri was enjoying it. There had been times when he’d felt like pushing Otabek away, but this wasn’t one of those times.

 

He felt a bulge in Otabek’s pants, and (not for the first time) thought maybe he should just get it over with. He didn’t want to ruin their sex life, but he was also scared. He wasn’t scared of Otabek. No, he knew Otabek would never do anything if he didn’t want it. He was just afraid that it wouldn’t feel good. That it would even feel bad. He didn’t want to freak out or panic if they tried having sex again. He had been avoiding it and Otabek had been letting him.

 

But he knew Otabek would get sick of it eventually. It had been nearly a month since they’d done anything with each other. Usually they only ever went a couple weeks… Otabek must have been getting frustrated…

 

But he hadn’t even been getting boners. The thought of sex or even touching himself was scary. He had a feeling it wouldn’t be the same, and he didn’t want to confirm it. He didn't even want to chance it. But he couldn’t avoid it forever. Or well… He could. Otabek wouldn’t push him about it, but that wasn’t fair to Otabek… 

 

He hadn’t noticed he was so deep in his thoughts that he’d stopped responding. “Yura?” Otabek whispered, careful not to startle him. It wasn’t the first time this had happened since those Bikers, but it worried him every time. 

 

His lips were red and swollen from kissing, and his eyes were open but unseeing, a thoughtful expression on his face. Yuri was breathing normally, and his body was relaxed. It was as if he had just zoned out. Otabek guided his head to rest on his shoulder, and Yuri went easily. Otabek wasn’t sure exactly what this was, but he tried his best anyway.

 

He let Yuri lay on him, petting his hair and rubbing his back, not knowing if that was actually helping but doing it anyway. 

 

The sun was on its way down and the world was bathed in orange light by the time Yuri came back to his senses. He took a deep breath and sat up a little. “...Sorry…” he breathed, looking down guiltily.

 

“It’s okay.” Otabek assured, gently. “What… were you thinking about?” He had a feeling he already knew but it couldn’t hurt to know for sure.

 

“Um…” Yuri bit his lip and looked away frowning. “I... “

 

“You don’t have to tell me.” Otabek murmured.

 

“No it’s… I think… I wanna try… having sex again…?” Yuri mumbled. It came out as more of a question, and Otabek frowned.

 

“You think you’re ready for that?” he asked, quietly. He rubbed circles into Yuri’s skin with his thumb under his flannel.

 

“I…” Yuri took a deep breath. “I’m scared…” 

 

“Not because of you!” Yuri added when he saw Otabek’s face morph into alarm. “I… It’s stupid, I just- I…”

 

“It’s not stupid.” Otabek assured. Yuri looked like he was about to start crying and Otabek tightened his arms around him. “Just… tell me what you’re thinking.”

 

He took another deep breath. “I don’t want it to… not feel good? I don’t want to freak out or… or freak you out…”

 

“Babe… we don’t have to do  _ anything _ … Or, we don’t have to go all the way, right away.” Otabek tried. “We could start small.”

 

“Y-yeah?” Yuri breathed. He looked conflicted, embarrassed, and afraid all at the same time.

 

“If that’s what  _ you _ want to do.” Otabek said, firm yet gentle.

 

“I… Yeah. It is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) yike
> 
> sorry it took so long, i've had a lot going on lately
> 
> also, if you didn't know, Denis Ten died recently and i've been sad about that! he was the real life figure skater that otabek's character was based on. i was a fan of figure skating before i got into yuri on ice and this makes me really sad :(


	20. I'll Make It Up To You

**6 months after the Turn**

 

Honestly, Yuri didn’t know why they were still with this group. They’d met by chance. Yuri and Otabek had been on their way out of Decorah when a herd passed through. A stranger named Matias had saved them, just barely. Pulled them into some laundromat just in the nick of time.

 

At first, they were grateful, but the appreciation had quickly worn off. Matias was nice, Yuri supposed, but the rest of his group was  _ not.  _ They were selfish and refused to share many resources, leaving him and Otabek to fend for themselves usually. Everything was always a competition in the group. Whoever got to something first was the one who got it. They all had their own bags, and were constantly arguing about supposedly  _ stolen _ items. Yuri was paranoid to leave their bags unattended. He hated it.

 

It had been a while since they’d joined with them, but Yuri couldn’t really tell. Time became almost irrelevant in their day-to-day. There was snow on the ground, covering the road like a blanket. He’d found a nice coat in some department store down in Riverside before they started traveling north, and he was very glad. It was black fleece, a little oversized but he didn’t mind. What he really wished for was a pair of gloves. It felt like his fingers were going to fall off.

 

Yuri trudged behind the group with Otabek, barely managing to keep up with their speedy pace. They’d been walking down this road for so long… He didn’t even know where they were. He wasn’t even sure where they were going either. Maybe nowhere. Otabek had on that blank face that he always wore in front of them. He didn’t like that either. 

 

“Keep up back there!” a woman named Lindsey called. She was Matias’s sister, from what Yuri could tell. Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard to Yuri. She didn’t agree with letting more people into their little group, but she also didn’t seem to like the idea of letting them leave, either.

 

Otabek had brought up the idea a couple days previous, and she’d shot it down, saying it was too dangerous for two kids to be on their own. Which was ironic, considering how she had been very close to killing them in the beginning. Matias had barely persuaded her to let them live, but apparently only if they stuck with the group.

 

Yuri glared at the back of her head as he walked a little faster. Don’t feed us, fine. Don’t defend us, fine. Don’t let us leave? Not fine.

 

Otabek squeezed his hand and they shared a look. Yeah, they were both sick of this.

 

~~~

 

It was a few nights later that they’d found a good opening. It was a quiet night. They’d set up camp in an abandoned house, and Yuri had volunteered to take the second watch, which would be in the middle of the night. After everyone had fallen asleep, before they’d wake up. It was perfect.

 

Of course, he and Otabek had been given the worst sleeping place: the floor. The siblings had each taken a couch, and the others in the group had hurried to claim a spot in the house before Yuri even stepped inside.

 

Sigh. It was fine. He was used to sleeping in uncomfortable places by now. Besides, he could use Otabek as a pillow anyway.

 

It was pitch black in the house. Matias and Lindsey were both sound asleep on the two couches in the living room. 

 

He was shaken awake by a girl, Grace. She was sweet, he thought. As sweet as someone could afford to be in a world like this. She subtly took care of them, just like Matias. Offering a little food here and there when they had none or taking double watches because she knew the others liked to dump watch duty on Yuri because he didn’t know how to say no. A little older than himself and pretty much alone aside from this group. He was sure that was the only reason she stuck with them.

 

She shook his shoulder and waited for him to sit up. “Time for second watch.” she whispered.

 

“Alright. Thanks.” Yuri whispered back. He couldn’t see her, but he heard her steps as she walked away. To where, he didn’t know. He kept his flashlight off so he wouldn’t disturb the siblings’ sleep as he gathered his and Otabek’s things in their backpacks. He didn’t have much to gather, since they slept with all their things ready for go in a moment’s notice. He waited about a half hour before waking up Otabek.

 

He lightly patted Otabek’s face and shook his shoulder “Beka.” he whispered. “Come on.” Otabek groaned quietly as he got up. “Quiet.” Yuri reminded him.

 

They snuck their way through the house, deftly avoiding the creaky floorboards. There was a couple people sleeping by the backdoor, but after a minute of hesitation, Otabek opened the door anyway. They couldn’t go out the front because it was squeaky. It definitely would’ve woken up the siblings.

 

Yuri closed the door as gently as he could, and let out a sigh of relief when it didn’t make a loud noise. The moonlight allowed him to see better outside, but it was raining. The porch was creaky, and Yuri cringed as he followed Otabek down the steps.

 

“Baby, come on!” Otabek whispered, grabbing his hand and pulling him forward.

 

Otabek had his hand in a steel grip as they practically sprinted away from the house. There wasn’t a backyard fence so they just took off, cutting through the side yard to get to the street. There were walkers littered around the neighborhood, but the darkness covered them from most walker’s view. 

 

Yuri lost Otabek’s hand when a walker lunged at him. He had to let go to jump away. “Yura!” Otabek gasped and turned around. He ungracefully plunged his knife into the walker’s ear. They were off running again before it hit the ground.

 

He hoped they wouldn’t bother to try and find them again. Their footprints in the snow were visible, but maybe the rain will ruin them with slush? He hoped...

 

It wasn’t a full minute of running before they heard distressed voices coming from the house. Yuri looked back to see lights on in the house, flashlights of course. And it seemed that the yelling hadn’t just caught  _ his _ attention. The walkers in the street  were now aggroed to the house. 

 

“Shit!” Otabek cursed under his breath. He dropped to the ground beside a parked car and pulled Yuri down too. Walkers shambled past them and Otabek held him to his chest almost painfully tight. With how easily his skin bruised, he wouldn’t be surprised if his arms would have yellow and purple patches later. He was holding his breath. 

 

Then, there were gunshots. Yuri gasped because he knew even more walkers would be drawn to the noise. A herd was going to form.

 

“We have to go!” Yuri whispered harshly. His breathing was erratic and his heart was beating out of his chest. All he could hear was sounds of groaning and snarling as the walkers trudged towards the house.

 

“All the walkers in the neighborhood will gather here… We have to be careful.” Otabek said. He took a look over the top of the car, and lead Yuri between two houses. The gunshots hadn’t stopped yet, and Yuri feared there was only one conclusion to draw when they finally would.

 

One second they were running, the next he was being pulled into a house and Otabek was struggling to close the door behind them. A walker caught its arm in the door and was pushing relentlessly to get in. Snapping its teeth and gurgling. It took a second, but Otabek managed to close and lock it. The walker banged on the door for a minute before getting drawn away by the gunfire. 

 

It was quiet, except for the muffled gunshots and their ragged breathing. “Holy  _ shit _ .” Yuri breathed, and leaned back against the wall.

 

“Are you okay?” Otabek asked, sounding winded too. He doted over Yuri, pulling back his coat and shirt, checking for bites.

 

“They’re gonna die.” Yuri realized, looking up to Otabek with wide, fearful eyes. Otabek hated to see that expression on him.

 

“They were gonna let  _ us  _ die.” Otabek countered, hopelessly trying to justify it.

 

“Lindsey was mean but… Matias… And Grace “ he let out a pathetic whine. “ _ They  _ don’t deserve that.”

 

“ _ We _ didn’t start yelling.  _ We  _ didn’t fire a gun. Yura, they’re the ones that made that mistake, not us.” Otabek insisted, holding Yuri’s shoulders.

 

“But they were looking for us. We made them panic.” Yuri’s voice was getting smaller and more wobbly and he felt like he was about to cry. His face was hot, eyes glossy. “We probably woke someone up when we left!”

 

“Maybe we did, but we weren’t the ones that drew the walkers to them. They did that to themselves.” Otabek murmured. “And they weren’t letting us leave… We couldn’t have stayed there, baby.” 

 

Yuri let out a shaky breath and let his head drop to Otabek’s shoulder. Otabek wrapped his arms around him while he caught his breath. He was crying silently, the only indication of which being his shaky breath and the wet spot on Otabek’s shoulder.

 

“Maybe they got out.” Otabek whispered after a few minutes of silence. The gunfire had stopped. “They could’ve survived.” He felt Yuri shake his head, and he knew he was failing at making him feel better. They both knew the chances they actually got out were slim to none. There was no use sugarcoating.

 

“They’re probably dead…” Yuri breathed. Otabek kissed the top of his head and stayed silent. Nothing he could say would help. 

 

Instead, he lead them to a couch and sat down, pulling Yuri into his lap. Yuri’s head was on his shoulder and his knees were drawn up to his chest, back against the arm rest. Otabek ran his fingers through his hair and stroked his thigh soothingly until he was too tired to keep moving his arms.

 

“What do we do now?” Yuri whispered, so quiet Otabek almost didn’t hear him. His breath was warm against Otabek’s neck

 

“Probably just… wander. I don’t know.” Otabek replied, softly. “We’ll figure it out.”

 

“I wish all of this was just a dream. I want to wake up.”

 

“I know, baby.” Otabek murmured, nuzzling into his hair. It pained him to hear the sadness in Yuri’s voice. The hopelessness. The resignation. All he wanted was to keep Yuri safe and happy. Was that too much to ask? God must have thought so.

 

“I had it so good before. My problems then were so easy compared to this…” Yuri frowned, burrowing further into Otabek’s embrace.

 

“It wasn’t easier. You were just used to it. We’ll get used to this too.” he said. He didn’t know if he was trying to be optimistic or nihilistic, but Yuri let out a hum of agreement. “Try and get some sleep.”

 

Yuri nodded into his neck, “Love you…”

 

Otabek smiled slightly and squeezed his arms around Yuri. “I love you too baby.”


End file.
